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Monday December 6th

Bynes’s vagina tweets

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Amanda, PLEASE … calm down. The former Nickelodeon star, Amanda Bynes, has decided to take on her most challenging role yet: A meltdown. The actress/Twitter abuser has taken the social media world by storm after she began acting erratically following her hit-and-run charge. Bynes has especially taken a likening to Twitter, tweeting such infamous quotes such as “I want @drake to murder my vagina.”

Bitch, if you want to be on “Law & Order: SVU,” this ain’t the way to go. Actually, now that I think of it, I think Justin Bieber got on it by tweeting the same thing. But that’s beside the point. That’s still a tall order, Ms. Bynes. Drake is a busy man. He has tours to perform, music to write. Vagina murdering cannot go on his schedule until at least 2014, if that. And besides, Drake is not the murdering type. He’s more of a monologue kind of guy. What other insane stunts Amanda Bynes will pull is anybody’s guess, but I’m betting she’s going to be doing more than just dancing with lobsters by next week.

In other news, the famous Duggar family of child farming fame is thinking about having more children. Thankfully, they’re not talking about having kids the traditional way because I’m pretty sure her uterus has checked out. Instead, Ms. Baby Factory is thinking of adopting.

Now, hold on a minute. You have 19 children already. Shouldn’t you focus on remembering Child 17’s name before you add another? Can someone please give the Duggars a beanie baby or something if they’re so intent on collecting things? An adopted child wants to join a loving family, not a traveling circus. They’re trying to escape conditions where they’re surrounded by hundreds of kids. Shoving them into a situation where the number has dwindled down to only 19 kids does not do much help. But alas, Mrs. Duggar is “praying” to God about whether or not she should go forward with the thought. Meanwhile, I’m praying to God adoption agencies are screening for the Duggars’ number.

And finally, Demi Lovato will join the sinking ship that is X-Factor once again next season. Gurl, you’re lucky Britney has moved out of the spotlight (with her own two legs) so you can finally hear the one person chanting your name.

Now, I’m not at all bashing Demi. She is a talented singer/actress/whatever it is she does. But let’s face it. Britney was the star of last season’s run. But of course, Britney had to leave to work on her upcoming album and to get over the break-up with her fiancé and more importantly, the Kit-Kat bar she accidentally sat on.

Jessica Simpson Baby Watch!: Jessica Simpson does not want @drake anywhere near her, well, you know.


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