The Signal

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Wednesday September 28th

Hollywood family drama: Jenners divorce

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It’s official folks. There is no hope for love and matrimony now that Kris and Bruce Jenner are calling it quits. Kris and Bruce are ending their 22-year marriage after realizing they were married for 22 years and not 22 minutes, which is unlike a Kardashian.

Honestly, I think the real reason is that Bruce saw Kris’s daytime talk show and immediately decided that he was more of a “The View” fan — Whoopi ain’t called “Whoopi” for nothing.

The two have released a statement saying the split is amicable and that the two will remain “best of friends.” I love it when divorcing couples say they will stay “best friends.” Like bitch please, you are not going to call him up and ask him to go to Taco Bell with you. Get real. That’s what you get when you keep up with the Kardashians. That show should just be re-named “Pre-nup with the Kardashians.”

There is, however, hope for friendship as Sinead O’Connor and Miley Cyrus are just the best of pen pals. Sinead O’Connor, best known for ripping up a picture of the Pope while on “SNL” in the ’90s, once again demonstrated her public relations skills by penning a few open letters directed to Miley. In them, Sinead complains that Miley is allowing herself to be “pimped” and oversexualized for the sake of the music industry. Miley replied that she does not have time to respond to Sinead’s letters since she is hosting “SNL.” Sinead did not take that lightly and wrote ANOTHER letter claiming Miley was making fun of mental illness and should apologize to Amanda Bynes. Yes. Yeah. Mhm. This is all happening. I literally can’t believe this. It BLOWS my mind. It’s so hard to comprehend … that people are still writing letters. Sinead, have you heard of email?

Another person going berserk these days is Eminem, who was elated that his daughter was crowned homecoming queen in her Michigan high school. Eminem, however, did not want to cause a scene at the school and instead opted to watch his daughter’s crowning from inside the school. Eminem has stated that he is “a father before a rapper.”

It’s good to know he’ll first say, “I love you,” to his daughter rather than, “caught her stealin’ my music, so I tied her arms and legs to the bed. Set up the camera, pissed twice on her. Look, two pees and a tripod!”


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