The Signal

Serving the College since 1885

Wednesday September 28th

Deportation for Biebs? We’re not yolking

Heads up! This article was imported from a previous version of The Signal. If you notice any issues, please let us know.

Hello again, friends, frenemies and Gweneth Paltrow (I know you read this, bitch). It’s been a long winter break and to be honest, I fell asleep watching “The Hobbit” back in December and I’m just walking out of the theater now so I have a lot to catch up on. 2014, huh?

Bieber is in eggs-tremely big trouble. On the sunny side, there’s still a chance he’s getting back with Selener (AP Photo).

Unfortunately, it seems that the biggest news story is that Justin Bieber threw eggs at his neighbor’s house. That’s the wrong way to menstruate, dear. Apparently Biebs has been having a feud with the guy next door and decided to egg his house, costing the homeowner $20,000 worth of damage. Holy shit, are you sure he threw eggs and not bricks? I’m sure a bottle of Windex can clean up the mess.

Regardless, Bieber is definitely in the wrong, so much so that police raided his home to collect evidence regarding the incident. What they found was a lot better than anything that can come out of a hen’s ass. I’m talking about cocaine! One of Bieber’s friends was arrested for possession of the illegal drug. Oh, Justin, you’ve been keeping an eye out for Selener so much that you ignored the LAPD.

Amanda Bynes has come a long way since trying to light a dog on fire. The actress/51-50 hold icon is back at school, having enrolled in the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising. A lot of jokes were made about Bynes in the past regarding her erratic behavior, myself being very guilty. However, Bynes clearly suffered a very real mental disorder, which is not fun and games. I’m glad she has recovered and is getting her life back on track. By this time next year, hopefully she and Drake will have collaborated on his next album.
“American Idol” is returning! If you’re a cricket, this is your cue to start chirping. Does anybody care about this show anymore? What is it even about? The show has had consistently declining ratings over the last few years and it’s no wonder. “Idol” has lost its spark and I’m not talking about Jordin. Can you even name last season’s winner? For all I know it was Randy Jackson. The fact is, “Idol” hasn’t been the same since they let go of Paula Abdul. She was the beacon of the program, proving that it doesn’t matter how many pills you take, it’s how you use them.


This Week's Issue

Issuu Preview