The Signal

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Thursday September 29th

It’s been a bad week for Bill and Piers

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Juan Pablo can't say 'love.' (AP Photo)

In a shocking turn of events, “The Bachelor” failed to unite two people in holy matrimony. How could this possibly happen? Juan Pablo Galavis failed to propose to any woman on the finale. He technically chose Nikki but didn’t put a ring on her finger. And you know what Beyoncé said about all that. Nikki and Juan Pablo are apparently still together, but honestly, I’ve seen more chemistry between myself and a slice of pizza. Once again, ABC has showed us that reality television is a hopeless place for love unless you’re Flava Flav and a jacuzzi.

Bill O’Reilly, in a possible suicide attempt, said bad words against Beyoncé. Does he not care for his life anymore? The talking head/disillusioned idiot thinks Beyoncé is a bad role model for girls since she glorifies sex, especially in the “Partition” music video. Listen, bitch, let’s get one thing straight: Beyoncé can sing about whatever the hell she wants. She owns you. She owns me. She owns everyone. The meaning of life is to BE yoncé. So congratulations on your ticket to Hell. You’ve deserved it.

Talk show hosts are not having a good week, with Piers Morgan getting burned by Chelsea Handler. Piers apparently tweeted during a commercial break, prompting Chelsea to call him a “terrible interviewer” for not paying attention to his guests. Piers fired back, saying Chelsea wasn’t keeping his attention. Well, Piers, you’re not going to be a bad interviewer soon once you’re show is canceled. Please don’t miss the flight with Bill O’Reilly.


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