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(10/22/13 3:32pm)
The promotional posters for the reboot of “Carrie” promise “you will know her name.” This is less a threat than a statement of the obvious. Even those unfamiliar with the 1976 film know the story of Carrie White, a loner who discovers that she’s telekinetic just in time to release a world of hurt at the senior prom.
While I understand the concept of treating a reboot as its own film rather than comparing it to the original, in the case of “Carrie,” the new mimics the old so much that it doesn’t seem worth it to view one independently of the other (the film even uses much of the same dialogue). The new “Carrie” does a lot of things right. That doesn’t mean, however, that sometimes we shouldn’t just stick with the classic.
Let’s start with the positive. Julianne Moore, you are beautiful and incredible and absolutely terrifying. This film opens not with the infamous shower scene (don’t worry, that’s coming) but with Moore, playing the insane Margaret White, giving birth to Carrie alone in her bedroom. We hear Moore’s shrieks of pain before we see her, and when she finally does pop out our favorite little telekinetic mass murderer, the baby gets an up-close-and-personal look at a pair of scissors.
The scene is perfect in setting up the environment that Carrie must contend with for the entirety of her short life, and establishes Moore’s psychotic take on a much more violent Mrs. White.
Luckily, Chloe Grace Moretz’s Carrie can handle herself. While she lacks the pathetic, kicked-dog characteristics of Sissy Spacek, Moretz plays up on Carrie’s powers, giving her a greater amount of control over her strength than we see in the original. This Carrie is ready and willing to use her powers, which gives her more agency in the film.
My main problem with this is that Carrie has too much power — not only can she move things with her mind, but she can also apparently fly, weld locks shut and cause roads to crumble like she’s some kind of earth bender. These extra powers are one of two completely unnecessary changes made to the film (I won’t even bother talking about the other. It’s stupid and pointless and you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about when you see it).
The film lacks the undercurrent of sexuality that pervaded the original film (you won’t be seeing anyone’s dirty pillows in the locker room this time around), which means that the menstruation scene isn’t quite as drawn out and animalistic. Portia Doubleday, however, is just as vicious as potential sociopath Chris, and is one of the few actors in the film who surpass their predecessor.
But there was an element of the plot that wasn’t as fully explored by the movie (neither this new version nor the original, actually) as I wish it had been, however, and it gave me the wigs even worse than Moore.
“Carrie” is, at its core, a movie about bullying and the effects it has on both the victims and the perpetrators. The scariest moments of “Carrie” aren’t necessarily the ones that involve carnage — they’re the ones in which a poor girl is humiliated by her peers, made a laughingstock both in school and online.
This new “Carrie” does a good job of demonstrating the devastating effects of online bullying, and its timing unfortunately couldn’t be better. With the suicide of a young girl from Florida and the charges her tormentors face appearing in headlines around the country, we need to consider the story that “Carrie” isn’t telling: the story of kids that are getting bullied but have no hidden superpower to hide behind.
We revel in the revenge Carrie takes against her bullies, but in the end she, too, dies alone and frightened. Both films get so caught up in the carnage that they fail to see and capitalize the social commentary imbedded in the plot.
“Carrie” may be momentary escapism for the weak, but we can’t let her rise to power obscure what maybe should have been the real point of the movie: there are Carrie Whites everywhere, and we’re doing nothing to help them.
(04/09/13 4:00pm)
Lately, I’ve been on a health kick. Though I would never call myself a vegetarian or vegan (you can take milk from my cold, dead hands), I’ve been eating less meat and have been existing more or less on a diet of roasted vegetables, fruits and whole grains. I’ve also become a bit of a sucker for the whole “organic” movement. Oh, it’s organic? And grown locally? Then of course I’ll pay too much for it! I dream of the day when I’m successful enough to stroll confidently into WholeFoods, buying nothing but organic, locally farmed, fair-trade whatever. We all have dreams, right?
So, whenever I’ve gone out to eat lately, I’ve tried to choose options that fit into my new eating patterns. For the most part, I fail miserably.
But, recently I remembered that the Big Bear Natural Foods on Pennington Road had a deli that specialized in vegan and vegetarian meals. Since sandwiches are possibly my favorite food ever, this seemed like a match made in organic heaven.
Big Bear Natural Foods is not a restaurant; the majority of the store is dedicated to organic produce and foods, gluten-free items and vitamins. At the back of the store, however, is a counter where customers can purchase made-to-order wraps, smoothies and juices. Don’t expect to order a ham and cheese sandwich, though. Most of the offerings are vegan or vegetarian, so come prepared for tofu.
I decided to order the Vegan Curry Chicken Salad on a whole wheat wrap ($6.49) and an Apple Spice juice ($3.99 for 16 ounces). I was a little unclear on how exactly chicken salad could be vegan, but luckily the nice woman behind the counter was able to answer all my questions for me. The “chicken” portion of my wrap was actually tofu, and they use a vegan, eggless mayo. I was also assured that all of the ingredients that are used in their sandwiches or juices are organic and grown primarily in New Jersey.
Besides the tofu and vegan mayo, the chicken salad contained celery, carrots, raisons, almonds and curry, finished off with lettuce, cucumber and sprouts. (Normally it also includes onions and tomatoes, but, as I’ve said before, I’m not a fan of either.) The chicken salad was good, though I might be biased because I don’t mind the taste of tofu. However, I would be willing to bet that even the most die-hard carnivore wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between the tofu and chicken if they weren’t warned ahead of time. The curry gave it a nice kick, and stopped it from being too bland. I don’t normally like celery in my chicken salad, but I barely noticed it here. In fact, all of the elements of the salad kind of blended together. This isn’t a bad thing, but it made the cucumber and lettuce necessary, as they provided a well-needed crunch to an otherwise mushy wrap.
I’ve ordered juice at Big Bear before, when a friend and I were on a juicing craze (I should have known that if Gwyneth Paltrow loved it, it probably wouldn’t be for me). In a bold move, we both ordered their All Green Juice, a celery-based juice with broccoli, kale and cucumber. It was … interesting. Actually, it tasted like earth; not like dirt, but actually like you would expect the earth to taste. I usually describe it as what it would be like to drink straight from the teat of Mother Nature. I’m sure it was excellent for me, but it wasn’t an experience I was ready to repeat. So, this time I decided on the Apple Spice, which combined apples, carrots and ginger.
A word of warning before ordering juices from Big Bear: you probably aren’t ready for the experience. Drinking a lot of Naked Juices isn’t going to prepare you; you’re in the Big Leagues now. With these juices, you taste every single ingredient. While not overwhelming, the taste of carrot was extremely strong, as was the ginger. I liked the latter, though; it brought an unexpected spiciness to the drink.
I enjoyed my meal, and would definitely go back, but I admit the prices were a bit steep for a wrap. Whether or not you’re willing to pay that much will depend entirely on how much the premise of Big Bear appeals to you. Personally, I’m willing to pay extra for organic and local ingredients, but for those who aren’t as interested in that aspect, the prices may not be worth the final product.
(03/19/13 4:40pm)
John Oliver wanted a very specific type of reception from the College students assembled at his CUB-sponsored show on Tuesday, March 6 in Kendall Hall. He mentioned that, when he first became a puppy owner, his pooch got so excited when he returned from a trip that it pissed itself at the sight of him.
That, he said, was the reaction he wanted from an audience. Hopefully the College had the janitorial staff on hand, because by the reactions of the crowd there was probably more than a little urine running down the aisles.
Oliver walked on stage waving like the Queen herself, and wasted no time in busting the College’s “balls.” “I will not perform at any College that does not have four enormous ornamental balls,” he said, mocking the infamous “pixels.”
Famous for his role as a correspondent on “The Daily Show With John Steward,” Oliver launched into a politically-charged routine, starting with the most recent election.
“You have to spend at least $1 billion to fail to live in the White House,” he said, mocking Mitt Romney and referring to his contempt for the poor as “borderline Dickensian.”
Oliver went on to share his plans for making the debates more exciting, suggesting that new rules should be instated to liven them up. These rules included a hot dog eating contest, shots and the releasing of a live chicken half way through the debate (the candidate who catches it gets Virginia).
During an interview before the show, however, Oliver was slightly more serious about the country’s election process.
“The American political system is, at best, a mess. That might be one of the things that American needs to look at the most. Elections cannot cost that kind of money…you can’t have an election cycle last 18 months because then you end up having in a four year term maybe six to 12 months that you can actually govern, and the rest of the time you’re tied up with midterms, with running again, with being a lame duck. There’s not a lot of governing time,” he explained.
Oliver, who came to the U.S. six and a half years ago, prefaced the last half of his routine with, “I love it here. I need you to remember that.” He then proceeded to (lovingly) mock America, wondering what the U.S.’s legacy to the world would be.
He first considered the internet, then went on to describe the horrors it had unleashed on the world, particularly his life. He recalled that, within seconds of posting his first tweet, someone responded to him saying, “You’re terrible, go eat a bag of dicks.”
The abuse only continued when a friend told him about the Daily Show slash fiction that could be found online.
“It was story after story of John Stewart and Stephen Colbert having sex with me,” Oliver told the crowd, mentioning that after reading it for the first time he couldn’t look Stewart in the eyes.
He then suggested that the American legacy could be the T-shirt cannon, or the ill- fated military plan in the ‘60s to fire a nuclear missile at the moon. Finally, he offered up a less material legacy: one of defiance. Fitting, considering the whole “Revolutionary War” thing. (No hard feelings, John.)
Despite being a U.S. citizen, Oliver hasn’t forgotten his roots, or completely forgiven America for its “defiance.” In an interview before the show, he said of the Revolutionary War,
“We don’t see that as being lost, we see that as an active war that we are losing.”
At the beginning of the show, it was announced that Oliver would be taking over Stewart’s role as host of The Daily Show for a few weeks in the summer while Stewart directs a movie.
Opening for Oliver was Dan St. Germain who, with his mane of hair and beard giving him a lion-like appearance, joked, “I think the school wanted to get someone who was the opposite of John Oliver.”
His comedy was indeed a 180 from Oliver’s, favoring jokes based on personal experience rather than politics and the news.
While at times his jokes were a bit too personal to be funny (for instance, hearing about his depression didn’t draw huge laughs from the crowd), his dating fiascos had the audience roaring, especially when he admitted that a girl who he tried hitting on told him, “You remind me of a heavier Charles Manson.”
He followed this with a story asking for a girl’s number and having her return within minutes, demanding her number back.
(03/05/13 5:00pm)
There’s a scene in the beginning of “Miss Congeniality” in which Sandra Bullock’s character demonstrates how to take down an attacker. Dressed like a Bavarian maid, she uses what she calls the “S.I.N.G.” method on her unsuspecting partner, much to the delight of the audience.
Get rid of the frilly dress, add in some bright red helmets, and imagine just a pinch more brute force and you’ve got a pretty good idea of what goes on at the College’s R.A.D. sessions.
R.A.D. stands for Rape Aggression Defense System, a national program that “is a comprehensive, women-only course that begins with awareness, prevention, risk reduction and risk avoidance, while progressing on to the basics of hands-on defense training,” according to the College flyer advertising the four-week course. The program was led by College patrol officer Jim Lopez, affectionately referred to as “J.Lo” by his students, in the Travers/Wolfe Fitness Center on Feb. 10, 17 and 24 and March 3.
Eight girls warmed up in the middle of the room, chatting as they stretched before what would be the final class of the semester. Before the real test would begin, Lopez asked if the girls wanted to pair up and review any moves.
ld” were called out, the girls’ voices cheerful despite the fact that they were being held in head-locks.
“Get in your stance,” Lopez called out as the students took turns escaping their partners. Attackers beware: Lopez suggested that the girls aim for the groin and thigh during their attempted escape.
Up until this point, the class seemed fairly simple; the girls would learn defensive moves and then practice on their partners, miming the blows they would give a would-be attacker. How, though, could this prepare them for a real assault?
The entrance of a man covered head-to-toe in bright red pads made it clear that this was merely child’s play in comparison to what the rest of the class would offer.
The man was 1986 College alum Bill Bastedo, a retired police officer who now works for Princeton Healthcare Systems. He was sent by the organization to act as a human punching bag for the girls, who would have to fight him off as though he were attacking them.
One by one the girls donned elbow and knee pads, gloves and helmets, lining up to take their turn. They cheered each other on as they ran through a number of scenarios in which they are approached on the street by an assailant, or must fight off a thief at the ATM. There was no “Charlie’s Angels”-esque choreography; the fighting was scrappy, with the students kicking, punching and even head-butting Bastedo, doing anything within their power to get away while shouting, “No!” or “Get off of me!” as loudly as they could.
During one scenario, the girls were asked to close their eyes as Lopez led them into the room, disorientating them with loud noises so that they wouldn’t know where the attack was coming from.
“I think with your eyes closed you lose that extra sense that you need ... but your other senses heighten ... it’s nerve wracking,” said senior psychology and women’s and gender studies double major Danielle Cassidy. Later, she admitted that, even after the scenario, her adrenaline was “still pumping.”
When asked why she chose to participate in the course, senior criminology major Rebecca Kelley said, “At first I wanted to take it because I was interested in not only wanting to rely on my size and my quickness, but also on finesse, having skillful movies.” She went on to say, “I felt that when the scenarios happened, I was using things I learned and I wasn’t thinking about it.”
At the end of the class, the group sat and discussed what they would take away from the course.
“You’re looking at things differently, or at least I hope you are,” Lopez said of the girls’ increased sensitivity to dangerous situations, such as walking alone in a parking garage.
The girls agreed, and some believed that they were better prepared for any danger that may come their way.
“Just having it behind me makes me know I can do it,” Kelley told the group.
Now that the girls have completed the College’s R.A.D course, they are eligible to take a R.A.D class anywhere else that it is offered, free of charge. While certainly a perk, the most important thing they take with them is an increased confidence in their abilities to defend themselves.
“You can do this. It can be done. You can survive,” Lopez reminded them.
(02/26/13 5:00pm)
I’ve been willing to eat some very strange things in the last few years. I’ve dined on haggis in Edinburgh, steak tartare in Paris and sheep’s head from a cart in Marrakech. There is little to nothing that is too unusual for me to try. Some call my palate adventurous, others sickening; my mother just looks at me with a combination of wonder and deep disgust.
I wasn’t always this way, however. In fact, it wasn’t until about two years ago that, with the help of the tacos de lengua at Taqueria El Mariachi in Trenton, I was able to enter the world of culinary adventures.
That’s right, folks. Tacos de Lengua: Beef tongue tacos. I’ll give you a moment to process that.
When these were first recommended to me by a friend, my first reaction was, “Why? Why would I ever do that to my stomach?” Luckily, I took his advice. That day I learned what it was like to have a foodgasm. I had been faking it before; this was the real deal.
Fast forward to two years later. After rhapsodizing about the restaurant, a friend of mine finally insisted that I take him there. I like to think that his life has now been changed for the better.
Have you ever eaten something so good that you aren’t sure that you deserve it? That’s how I feel about the Guatemalan food at Taqueria El Mariachi. I will never do enough good deeds in my life to deserve to eat their food.
As usual, I ordered the tacos de lengua ($6.50), as well as a glass of melon juice ($1.50). My friends and I also split an order of guacamole and chips ($5). This was my first time trying the melon juice, and I can’t wait to order it again. It tasted like a perfectly ripe cantaloupe, light and frothy.
The guacamole was, without a doubt, the best I’ve ever had. It’s made fresh, and they don’t waste your time with extra ingredients like tomato or corn. None of that nonsense here. This guac has huge chunks of avocado in it, making it extremely filling. It helps, of course, that the portion size was huge; the four of us could barely finish one order.
“Bigger is better” may actually be the motto of the restaurant. My order included three tortillas (six, actually, as each taco had two tortillas to support the filling) stuffed with chunks of tongue. No lettuce or cheese needed; with a coating of the amazing salsa verde that comes with the meals I was ready to dig in.
People tend to freak out a bit over the idea of eating tongue, but it just tastes like amazingly tender beef. Sure, if you look close enough you can see some taste buds, but my advice? Don’t look that close. Just close your eyes if you have to and enjoy.
My friend ordered the pork pupusas, basically a corn tortilla stuffed with meat and cheese ($6). For the sake of research, I took a bite, and I can give it no higher praise than this: the next time I visit, I will definitely be ordering them. It reminded me of a meat pie, but much thinner; imagining a savory stuffed pancake would also do in a pinch.
Another friend ordered the seafood soup, a weekend special (around $9). I mooched a few bites (again, research!) and while it was delicious, diners be warned: they take “seafood” very literally. As in, “anything that can be found moving in the ocean” rather than your normal chunks of crab or clam. These were included in the massive bowl as well, of course, but they were floating alongside unidentifiable ocean dwellers. Dear reader, there were eyeballs involved. This soup was not for the queasy.
It should be noted that Taqueria El Mariachi is not located in the nicest of areas. There is, however, a parking lot around the back of the restaurant, so street parking is not necessary. The staff, though extremely nice, does not speak English, so be prepared to point at your menu item of choice. I’ve never had an issue, however; between a lot of smiles and hand gestures on both my part and the waitress’s, I’ve gotten the correct dish every time.
I can’t recommend this restaurant highly enough. The portions, the prices and, most importantly, the tastes are not to be believed. Don’t let the location turn you away; after one meal you’ll never confess an undying love for Chipotle again.
(02/19/13 5:00pm)
Typically when I choose to go out to eat, I leave the Ewing area. No offense to Ewing, but for the most part its culinary offerings run more toward the realm of fast food and takeout, neither of which are my dinner of choice. But, a certain Editor-in-Chief of The Signal has been complaining about the lack of local food reviews, so I figured I’d pretend to care about appeasing him and took my family to Wildflowers Restaurant, just a few minutes’ drive from the College down Pennington Road.
I knew there was a reason I left the area to get a meal. This is the last time I bother trying to make Brendan McGrath happy.
To be fair, I’ve been to Wildflowers before and have enjoyed myself. However, I typically go for lunch, and always get their Soup/Caesar meal for $8.50. Their French onion soup is spectacular, the cheese engulfing the crock it’s served in, and the salad is perfect: crisp lettuce, croutons that taste homemade and a really great Caesar dressing.
This trip, however, I decided to branch out a little. I had heard rave reviews about their pizza, and decided to split a medium Mediterranean pie, topped with artichoke hearts, roasted red peppers, plum tomatoes, mushrooms and feta cheese, with my mom.
I was disappointed with the size of the pizza. At $15, this medium pizza was roughly the size of the personal pizza that I ordered at Fedora Café (which I reviewed last week), but was $5 more and, in my opinion, significantly less delicious. The crust was thin and crisp, but virtually flavorless. In fact, I found the pizza in general to be very dry. To be fair, though, I ate it without the plum tomatoes, as I’ve stated my complete distrust of tomato in the past. My mother, who ate the tomatoes on her slices, assured me that they added the right amount of moisture to the pie. Regardless, I ended my meal feeling empty — there was pizza in my belly, but no food-joy in my heart.
The rest of my family was similarly dissatisfied with their meals. My aunts and uncle ordered salads, which they said were fine, but nothing particularly special. They had the same opinion about the cheese fries we split as an appetizer; they were simply fries with melted cheese, as generic as cheese fries could possibly be and not worth the calories or the money. My sister ordered chicken fingers, but proclaimed them “gross;” I stole a bite and found them to be dry and overcooked.
My dad was the only member of the family to clean his plate. He ordered the Romie Burger for $8.50, a burger topped with pizza sauce, pepperoni and mozzarella cheese. I excitedly asked him whether or not he enjoyed it, hoping that at least one person had eaten a stellar meal. To my disappointment, he said it was fine, but once again, nothing special. He had only eaten so much because he was starving. I should have known better; I once watched him eat leftover pasta mixed with mashed potatoes; the man will eat anything. He did note that the burger bun was cold, though, which is a pet peeve of his.
I wouldn’t say that I would never return to Wildflowers. However, I know now to stick to my old reliable orders there. I would recommend the same to anyone else — play it safe and order the soup.
(02/12/13 5:00pm)
I will be the first to admit that I’m something of a food snob. I have no time for chain restaurants; keep your Applebees, you foodie Philistines, I laugh at your lackluster burgers and pasta dishes. I like to imagine myself as some sort of unholy combination of a culinary Indiana Jones and Guy Fieri (sans the sunglasses on the back of my head), constantly on the hunt for the perfect relatively unknown eatery.
To be fair, Fedora Café in Lawrenceville has been around since 1999 and has its fair share of fans; I’ve never been in it when it’s not hard to get a seat. But I’m willing to bet that most College students have passed what might possibly be the world’s cutest café on their way to Princeton without giving it a second look. I just can’t allow that to go on any longer; this place is the Ark of the Covenant of lunch places, serving sandwiches, salads and desserts that are appropriately face-meltingly awesome.
First off, I’m not exaggerating when I say Fedora is the cutest place in the world. (I mean, I guess I am, but I think it’s true, so whatever.) It’s cozy without being too cramped, none of the chairs match, and there’s a mural on one of the walls (all of which are painted a different color). There are giant dragonflies hanging from the ceiling and the light bulbs are hidden inside oversized tea cups. To call the décor “quirky” might be an understatement.
Of course, décor means nothing if the food isn’t up to par. I’ve eaten at Fedora multiple times, for both lunch and dinner, and have yet to have a meal that didn’t cause me to relapse into some sort of Shark Week feeding frenzy. Their sandwiches are available for both lunch and dinner; I would highly recommend both their grilled portobello and their layered smoked salmon sandwiches, both of which are piled so high that it’s hard to bite into (which, as Scooby Doo taught me, is exactly the way a sandwich should be). All sandwiches cost around $7.50 and are served with tortilla chips.
They also have an amazing half sandwich and salad deal, which costs around the same. I usually choose this option, mostly because I like variety and also enjoy eating an absurd amount of food at once. It should be noted that the salad that comes with this deal is gigantic, roughly the same size as their normal salad portions. If you’re lucky enough to go when they offer their apple and butternut squash salad, don’t think. Just order it. You’re welcome in advance.
When I went to Fedora last week, however, I decided to give their dinner menu a shot. I ordered the build-your-own “personal” pizza for $10, choosing pesto, goat cheese, sun-dried tomatoes, spinach, artichoke hearts and portobello mushrooms as my toppings. I’ve put “personal” in quotes because this pizza was huge; I’m not one to leave food on my plate, and even I had to take home leftovers. My only complaint would be that it had far too many sun-dried tomatoes on it; but, to be fair, I’m fairly distrustful of tomatoes (is it a fruit? A vegetable? It’s so shady about its identity), so that might just have been a personal issue.
If you only take one piece of advice from this review, remember this: DO NOT SKIP DESSERT. Fedora has a huge assortment of baked goods, all of which are baked on premises. I would most highly recommend the chai brownie; it was probably one of the most interesting chocolate desserts I’ve ever had. I also can’t speak highly enough about their chocolate-covered Ritz peanut butter crackers; I made the mistake of sharing one with my dad, and we had a fairly serious battle over the last bite. (For the record, I got it, but I think he let me win.)
(01/30/13 5:53pm)
Any ice cream eater worth their cone knows about the wonders of The Bent Spoon — the most bourgeois of ice cream shops in Princeton famous for flavors like “Earl Grey” and “Lavender” ice creams. I’ve spent my fair share of time licking the last drops of a vanilla sea salt caramel scoop out of those (way too tiny) cups like some kind of rabid animal. But we’re currently living through a mini Ice Age, and even I’m not masochistic enough to eat anything cold in this weather. So when I made the trek to Princeton last weekend, I went searching not for a frozen treat at The Bent Spoon, but for a hot one.
Forgive me if this review gets a little poetic from here, but I find it impossible to talk about The Bent Spoon’s Drinking Chocolate without waxing on and on about it, treating it like the gift from the gods that it is. Actually, I like to imagine that Ixcacao, the Mayan goddess of chocolate (yes, I Googled it, she is apparently a real thing) blessed The Bent Spoon with this most holy of chocolate drinks and commanded them to distribute it to the masses, proving that the powers above love us and want us to be happy.
The Bent Spoon isn’t being pretentious by calling this concoction Drinking Chocolate — it’s like no hot chocolate I’ve ever tasted. It’s extremely thick to the point where sipping becomes impossible. Thou shall gulp thy Drinking Chocolate, or thou shall suffer the dissatisfaction of an empty belly, command the Bent Spoon gods. It comes in two flavors, Original and Habanero. My friend stuck with the Original, while I took the plunge with the spicier option.
I can’t say anything bad about the Original — it was a damn good cup of chocolate, in a very traditional way. It made me wish that I was curled up on a sofa, drinking it while wrapped in a blanket and watching snow fall. It tasted like a particularly satisfying moment from childhood — nothing too spectacular, but extremely good in a quiet kind of way.
Those with a more adventurous palate, however, may prefer to try the Habanero, but be warned: it’s not for the faint of tongue. It definitely had a kick to it, a kind of burning in the back of the throat that I found enjoyable but others may find alarming. If you can stand the heat, though, I can’t recommend it highly enough.
The Drinking Chocolate comes plain or topped with whipped cream. There is apparently some kind of marshmallow topping as well, but they were out of it when I visited. It must be delicious, however, as I heard more than one customer lament the fact that they would have to enjoy their drink without it. At only $4 a cup, The Bent Spoon’s Drinking Chocolate may be the best way to combat the current Arctic chill.
(01/29/13 5:46pm)
When The Signal first sat down with sophomore interactive multimedia major Kyle McCabe, he was simply a College student with a backpack full of condoms and a dream.
Now, just a few months later, the young entrepreneur’s brain child, CondAm, a condom delivery service for on-campus students, has been featured in 30 to 40 different articles and radio shows across the United States, as well as in the U.K. branch of Cosmopolitan magazine and in a Dublin newspaper. McCabe has even been interviewed on Playboy Radio, and the Associated Press plans to bring a news crew to the College to film him while he does deliveries. Not bad for a door-to-door condom salesman.
For those who remain unaware of the business, the concept is simple. Students who live on campus and find themselves in need of a condom can go to CondAm’s website, condam.net, and fill out the order form. Within minutes, McCabe will show up with the ordered condoms in tow.
The condoms available for purchase are Trojans, Lifestyles (a non-latex brand of condoms) and Glydes (a vegan brand). Glyde and Lifestyle, two Australian condom brands, contacted McCabe after hearing about the business, with Lifestyle offering to donate the first shipment of condoms. Trojan, a brand that McCabe has used since starting the business, has yet to reach out.
“Every news outfit I’m like, yeah, I use Trojans. They don’t need my publicity, but I am giving it to them,” McCabe said in an interview.
Trojan isn’t the only organization associated with CondAm that has neglected to associate itself with the company. The College, according to McCabe, has done little to show their support of the venture, and in fact has barely acknowledged it. Although Dr. John C. Laughton, dean of the School of Arts & Communication, has retweeted a few of CondAm’s tweets, McCabe said that’s been all the recognition he’s received.
“I’m getting a lot of publicity for the College. I thought they would acknowledge it,” he said.
However, this lack of recognition hasn’t slowed down CondAm. McCabe estimates that he receives 30 to 40 orders a weekend, a jump from the 15 he reported having in The Signal’s first interview. He has also met with a lawyer to look over the waiver all customers must sign that protects CondAm and McCabe from any liabilities that go with the use of their product. This waiver is no longer the only thing standing between him and a potential lawsuit, however, as CondAm is now a state-registered limited liability company.
The extra precaution is necessary, as McCabe has ambitious plans for the company.
“If the success keeps growing and we start franchising, I think every college has a need for this,” he said about CondAm, mentioning that he was looking to expand to nearby Rider University.
With expansion comes costs, however, and McCabe admits to being in personal debt because of the venture. He purchases the condoms himself, and of course must pay for meetings with his lawyer, the copyright of the logo and webhosting fees, among other expenses.
There is also, of course, the workload to consider. Besides a few volunteers, some of whom used the job to gain credit for a Women’s and Gender Studies class, McCabe is still both the face of and the muscle behind CondAm, doing the vast brunt of the work himself. However, he has no regrets about starting up the business.
“At like two or three a.m. and I’m sitting with my girlfriend and I get a call … it’s a little hard to get up and go full speed. But I know if I get a call there’s kids in need … I’m happy to do it,” McCabe said.
(11/08/12 1:31am)
Today more than ever, Americans are finding it difficult to trust the news. Everyone has a bias, an agenda; where, oh, where is there a news source that the average American citizen can look to? Has the golden age of reporting ended?
Fear not. There is one news source that stands head and shoulders above the rest. A news source that has an editor-in-chief confident enough to state, “Our facts are better than our competitor’s facts.” A news source whose sole goal is to provide its readers with a “newsgasm.” That news source is The Onion.
College Union Board and the College Democrats brought Scott Dikkers, the longest running editor-in-chief of this shining beacon of truth, to Kendall Hall Main Stage on Monday, Nov. 5.
“The Onion is a for-profit organization,” Dikkers began, before boasting that it is “the only reputable news organization in the world.” The Onion, according to Dikkers, makes $11 trillion every year. It has an audience of 14 billion, both on Earth and on the international space station. It checks every fact three times (which, incidentally, is twice more than The Signal checks its facts). It’s philanthropic, donating high-speed internet to third-world countries! (Though not food. It has its priorities, after all.)
Dikkers led the audience through the history of The Onion in a series of slides. It began in the 1700s, and over the years has included headlines like “Bill Clinton Finally Just Shows America His Penis” and “Holy Shit Man Walks on Moon.” (For the record, Neil Armstrong’s first words on the moon? “Holy living fuck.”)
As appealing as it is to believe that The Onion has been satirizing the news since the days of the founding fathers, the real story behind The Onion’s conception is slightly less comedic, and certainly more modern. Dikkers purchased The Onion in 1989 when he was 22. He explained in an interview that he had helped found and edit the weekly paper, eventually buying it along with two other partners for $16,000.
Dikkers never could have imagined at 22 that The Onion would become the success that it is today. “Our fondest hope was that one day The Onion would stand toe-to-toe with The Harvard Lampoon,” he said in an interview.
The Onion has done just a little better than Dikker’s expectations. It has, according to Dikkers, roughly six core writers and three dozen field reporters and publishes both online and in print, including video and audio clips. Its satirical stories are so convincing that they are often mistaken for actual news articles. Dikkers recalled that Fred Phelps, of “God hates fags” fame, once linked to an Onion story about a homosexual recruitment drive on his website, using it as evidence of the growing homosexual menace. Apparently God doesn’t just hate fags, he hates fact-checking as well.
Dikkers also shared with the audience The Onion’s sometimes prophetic articles. Before his death, The Onion ran a story with the headline “Chris Farley Has Hilarious Cardiac Arrest.” In a less macabre prediction, an article titled “Fuck Everything, We’re Doing Five Blades,” written by a fictional representative for Gillette, called for the five-blade razor two years before the company released one.
One might wonder, considering some of the headlines presented, whether The Onion is ever worried about going too far. Dikkers, however, doesn’t believe that this is possible. “The idea of going too far is confusing to me,” he explained in a question-and-answer session after the lecture. He proved this by showing the audience an Onion clip of a fictional talk show covering the story of a boy with leukemia who bankrupted the Make a Wish Foundation by asking for infinite wishes. The program ended with both the talk show hosts and the president of Make a Wish hoping for the early death of the boy.
“There’s ways to make jokes about anything,” Dikkers said in an interview. The Onion might as well use this as its motto. At the end of the day, it seems pointless to be offended by America’s self-proclaimed “Finest News Source.” If you’re not laughing at it, you can be sure that it’s laughing at you.
(10/24/12 10:03pm)
At the College, the three things students are most likely to order after 3 a.m. are Hassan’s pizza, Fat Shack sandwiches and … condoms?
For students craving something other than greasy food after dark, sophomore interactive multimedia major Kyle McCabe created CondAm, the Condom Ambulance.
The premise is simple. Students can go on the CondAm website, condam.net, and fill out the order form, giving their on-campus location and choosing how many condoms they wish to purchase (one for $3, two for $5, etc.). Shortly after ordering, McCabe will personally show up, condoms in tow, to complete the transaction. As his website promises, “Go from kissing, to condoms, to sexy-time in mere seconds!”
With each condom order comes a waiver of liability for customers to sign, drafted by McCabe. Among other things, the waiver protects CondAm from being liable for pregnancy or disease that may occur due to the use of the purchased condom and states that the student purchasing the condom has the consent of his or her partner. In addition, CondAm promises speedy delivery during its normal business hours (Friday - Sunday, 7 p.m. - 3 a.m.) and even discreet delivery, where the condom and waiver are slipped under the student’s door, before 8 p.m. or after 2 a.m.
To some this might sound too good to be true, while others might be turned off by the idea of buying condoms from out of a backpack (though it should be noted that the condoms were in a durable container to protect them from getting damaged). McCabe, however, is no shady condom dealer. His goal for the business is not to make money, but to promote sexual health on campus. “I would rather people who were not prepared call me … rather than make a bad decision,” he explained in an interview when asked why he started CondAm.
Currently, McCabe is the only one responsible for delivering the condoms. In fact, other than two web designers, CondAm is basically a one-man operation. McCabe buys the condoms, receives the orders and must be ready to make deliveries at a moment’s notice. In fact, he keeps a stash of condoms in his backpack at all times, putting a new spin on being prepared for class.
It’s hard work, but McCabe is happy to do it if it means that students are having safe sex.
“That’s the reason I started this, not just for making money, for helping people,” McCabe said.
As for the business’s profits, most of it goes right back into CondAm in order to perpetuate the business, although McCabe would like to be able to make enough in the future to donate a bit of the profit to various sexual health foundations.
CondAm is a relatively new venture, but over the past weekend alone McCabe has gotten 15 orders. However, some students seem to be taking issue with his concept.
“I don’t know why the contraceptive thing is even an issue. I’m just trying to help people,” McCabe said after recounting how he recently discovered his posters, which he stressed were approved by the Student Activities, missing from the Art and Interactive Multimedia Building and Eickhoff Hall.
Although McCabe couldn’t be sure who tore down the posters, he speculated that it may have been students who were pro-life supporters. “I’m pro-choice, but I’m not going to go around and tear down the pro-life posters,” he said.
(10/23/12 7:42pm)
In between winning prestigious awards like the MacArthur Fellowship and the National Magazine Award for fiction, George Saunders has managed to get a little writing done. That is, if one considers “a little writing” to mean seven books, with one to be released next year. Saunders took time out of his busy schedule to read his short story “Victory Lap” to the College at the first Visiting Writers Series event of the semester on Monday, Oct. 22 in the Mildred and Ernest E. Mayo Concert Hall. The SAF-funded event was sponsored by INK and the Writing Communities class.
Before beginning his story, Saunders gave the audience a choice: Should he read his funny piece, or would students be interested in hearing his 180-page history of legumes? It would only take about two-and half-hours to get through, he reassured the audience. Luckily, he chose to stick with his original story choice.
“What does the human mind look like or sound like at any given time?” prefaced Saunders before launching into the tale about Alison, a girl who is kidnapped, and Kyle, her unlikely savior. Over the course of the story the audience is able to enter the head of Alison, a dancer as concerned with her plies as she is with finding a boy; Kyle, a neurotic runner going crazy under the rule of his overly strict parents; and even Alison’s kidnapper.
After completing the story, Saunders answered questions from the audience. “I’ve noticed that the first person to ask a question is usually the one with the most sexual energy,” he joked.
When asked what his best piece of advice for writers is, Saunders quoted Robert Frost: “Don’t worry, work.” Of course, not all of his life advice came from great deceased authors. He also shared some advice on taking criticism from Bill Clinton, who told the admittedly “thin-skinned” Saunders the advice that Hillary Clinton once gave him. According to Clinton, one should always accept criticism and see if any of it is actually true. Saunders added his own advice to this message, saying, “Also, you can hide in your basement. You can stalk your reviewer. That’s really fun.”
A line of excited students formed immediately after the reading, each eager for the chance to get a book signed by Saunders. “I walked in knowing little about him and his work. But I walked out wanting more,” said Matthew Brown, senior English major.
Catie Rosemurgy, associate professor of English at the College, was thrilled with the event. She said that since the Visiting Writers Series started around 2002, students have been lobbying to bring Saunders to the College. Because of this, the event attracted current students and alumni alike.
Rosemurgy hopes that the success of this event will lead to more high profile writers coming to the College in the future.
“People were so excited, I think it was kind of palpable ... Somebody’s here who they’re studying in their classes. He’s part of American literature that we study. He’s somebody who is important and is defining fiction practice as we speak,” she said in an interview after the reading.
(10/11/12 4:14pm)
“No parent should have to bury their child.”
But what if that child was one of the most hated men in history? What if that child’s name was synonymous in some religions with traitor?
“No mother should have to bury her son.”
But what if that son was Judas Iscariot?
All College Theatre’s performance of “The Last Days of Judas Iscariot,” performed on the Kendall Hall Main Stage from Oct. 4-6, didn’t make a plea for Judas, nor did it condemn him. Instead, the play, which revolved around Judas’s trial in purgatory, presented the facts of Judas’s life and left his ultimate fate up to the audience.
Who was Judas Iscariot? That depends on who is asked. To his mother, junior English and secondary education double major Bree Florek, he was a boy who might have sold his family’s food for a toy, but who also gave that toy to a boy less fortunate than him. To Thomas (some might know him better with the adjective “doubting” attached), freshman history and philosophy double major Zachary Elliot, Judas was a “dick,” but one who covered for him when he was unable to heal the sick. Witness accounts showed Judas in a startlingly human light: as a loyal man who had his flaws, much like anyone. The only difference is that Judas’s mistakes had a far greater consequence.
At the heart of the play was junior English and secondary education double major Jaclyn Trippe, senior biology major Dan Loverro and fifth-year senior psychology major John Eldis — the defense lawyer, prosecution lawyer and judge, respectively — who use the trial as a way to work through their own sins. After all, they too are in purgatory, and have pasts that must be contended confronted.
As this synopsis shows, “The Last Days of Judas Iscariot” is not a lighthearted show. It had its funny moments, of course, but even many of those were steeped in melancholy — bitter, vulgar and heartbreaking. The fact that audiences were left feeling this way, however, is a compliment to, not a complaint about, the cast. This play required real, raw emotion, not pouting and stage tears, and every actor who took the stage delivered.
As Judas, Anthony Coppola was amazingly relatable, bringing real depth and sympathy to the character. His scene in a bar with Satan was surprisingly natural — most actors overplay drunk scenes, but Coppola perfectly captured the attitude of a man drinking to forget his sins without veering into the ridiculous. His final scene with Jesus, played by junior history major Jacob Cafaro, was tragic enough to cause even the sternest believer to feel sorry for Judas.
The rest of the cast more than held their own against the play’s namesake. Eldis, playing a number of roles besides Judge Littlefield, shined as Caiphas, who must defend himself against Trippe’s accusations. As the sassy Saint Monica, sophomore English major Carly DaSilva was hilariously feisty, taunting the comatose Judas with lines like, “Got change for 30 pieces of silver, motherfucker?”
She proved she wasn’t all ripped fishnets and cigarettes, however; she was capable of being surprisingly tender to Judas, a maternal shoulder to cry on. Senior history major Thomas Hoesly’s Butch Honeywell, a juror who only recently realized he had died, confides in a comatose Judas that he had cheated on his beloved wife, a moment that struck a deeply realistic chord and brought the play back into the present day.
The real star of the show, however, was junior computer science major Graham Mazie as Satan, or “Lu” as he was often referred to. Mazie was perfect in his dark suit and slicked back hair, nursing a drink and calmly wreaking verbal havoc on the court. When on stage, it was impossible not to focus on him — he had all the charm and charisma of the Devil himself. Like Coppola’s Judas, Mazie’s Satan is meant to cause audiences to reevaluate the way they view Old Scratch, who might not be a bad guy, just a cruelly truthful one.
No show is without its flaws, of course, but for the most part the problems were technical. With only hanging mics to help them, the actors were forced to project more than they would with personal mics, making it difficult to understand everyone at times. In scenes that involved yelling, it was often hard to make out exactly what was being said. Loverro was hilarious, but the thick accent he employed sometimes made it impossible to make out his jokes. Again, all of these problems were not totally the actors’ faults; they had to make the best with the equipment that they had, and it fell flat at times.
At the end of the play, Judas is found guilty. He is left motionless on the stage as Jesus begins washing his feet. As the stage goes black, audiences are allowed to decide for themselves whether or not one of the greatest traitors in history deserves his title. Is there forgiveness for all? More importantly, for what does Judas truly need to be forgiven for?
(09/20/12 5:59pm)
Judah Friedlander joined Josh Rabinowitz, Jermaine Fowler and Matt Braunger at the College Union Board’s Comedy Central on Campus Tour on the Kendall Hall Main Stage on Saturday, Sept. 15. Opinions Editor Shaun Fitzpatrick interviewed the comedians.
The Signal: In an interview with Nerve.com, you answered sex questions sent in from readers. Now, I don’t know how much you know about the College of New Jersey, but we’re pretty much known for being a very socially awkward school. So maybe you could give our readers some sex tips? They could use your help.
Judah Friedlander: You mean like new positions?
Signal: Whatever.
JF: No, I don’t, uh, I think they should discover things for themselves. Be creative. Be honest. And remember, it’s a team effort. As someone who has participated in a lot of orgies, and has just started a lot of orgies unintentionally. Sometimes I’ll just be walking down the street, before you know it there’s like 30 chicks surrounding me and a couple of dudes.
Signal: Do we have something to worry about? I mean, they’re all over age, you’d be fine.
JF: No, I’m a professional, I don’t do that. I do comedy shows. It’s just something that has to be kept under control.
Signal: Well, the police force is here if anything should break out.
JF: Well, they’re not going to be a problem. That’s a good question, when I do comedy I actually have to tone down my sexuality, otherwise people wouldn’t be able to concentrate on the show. Women, and 10 percent of the men, would not be able to concentrate.
Signal: You were going to run in the presidential race, so –
JF: That’s incorrect. I’m not running for president.
Signal: You’re not running for president?
JF: I’m standing for president. Running means you’re scared. I’m not scared. I’m standing for president. This country needs a confident leader, not one who’s running around scared. I would phrase it as “entering the presidential race.”
Signal: You’ve mentioned that you want to “enter” the presidential race. What are the three most important issues in your campaign?
JF: Number one is giving the people what they want. Two, I don’t lie; World Champions tell the truth. And I stand for justice.
Signal: …is there a third?
JF: I’m not good at math. That’s the third one.
Signal: On a more serious note, I don’t know if you like to talk politics, you don’t like to talk politics, who’re you voting for?
JF: I’m voting for me. Everyone should just write in “World Champ.”
Signal: Is that the most serious answer I’m going to get to that question?
JF: It is, yes.
—
Josh Rabinowitz
The Signal: So you are a fairly recent graduate, within the last couple of years…What do you think your most embarrassing moment in college was, and how can you advise our readers not to follow in your footsteps and do the same thing?
JR: I did a lot of embarrassing things…one time, I emailed a girl asking her to be my girlfriend. I emailed her that three times, and she said no all three times. So I guess my advice would be to, like, maybe if at first you don’t succeed at something to do just quit immediately.
Signal: Did you purposely email her three times? Did you think it was going to change?
JR: Yeah don’t do that, I would say just quit immediately when people say no. It was just embarrassing…when I think back about that, I get like a stomach ache that I did that.
Signal: Can I ask you why you emailed her three times? Like rejection once wasn’t enough?
JR: I was trying to convince her that she was wrong and we’d be great together, and she was really nice, she was like a friend of mine. I was too nervous to say it in person so I like emailed it so I would say, like, say it in person or also just don’t be a loser.
Signal: Most people say perseverance is a great quality but apparently not.
JR: No, don’t persevere, just quit, just lay down, just roll over.
—
Jermaine Fowler
The Signal: On your site, you have a video about how much girls love emoticons. I was wondering, what’s your favorite emoticon to use on a girl and why?
JF: My favorite emoticon to use for the ladies is the triple neck smiley face emoticon. People confuse it for the super smiley face.
Signal: I don’t know that, can you draw it?
Note: The emoticon he drew was: :)))
JF: That’s the emoticon I like to use the most. People think it’s like a super smile but no.
Signal: And that works?
JF: Yeah, women like it ‘cause it’s a big shout out to, I guess, the happily obese people out there … And that’s my favorite emoticon because who doesn’t like a happy, fat smiling person?
Signal: Do you use that for everyone or is that specifically for girls? Like you think that’s what they want to see?
JF: I use it for my grandmom, I use it when I’m texting myself, I use it when I sext. “Hey, did you have a good time during this sexting? Double chin smiley face.”
Signal: And no girl’s ever been like “That’s what you think I look like? When you think of me you think of a double chin smiley face?”
JF: Even if they had a double chin I’d love them the same. I like big women. I like them thick. I prefer thick women anyway so if I am sending this to a lady that’s what I want you to be. I want you to be big, it’s healthy. Why wouldn’t you want to eat? That’s what it represents, how much I love all sizes of people’s necks.
—
Matt Braunger
The Signal: If you could only tell one joke, or do one routine, for the rest of not just your career but your life, what would that be? Do you have one that’s such a favorite?
MB: I couldn’t pick one that I would do, well…you know it’s hard because you have favorite ones like every year, you know. So I think if I had to do one, if there was something that oh, you have to do every single year I would create one called “How was your day?” I’d have the whole crowd go “1,2,3 how was your day?” and I’d just go into however my day was. I know it’s a cop out, granted, total cop out.
Signal: Do you have a subject that’s a favorite? Even if it’s not a specific joke?
MB: Probably social drinking as you age, and how it gets worse or better or how that works. I mean I just go back to that because in this world so many of us indulge or overindulge or whatever.
Signal: Does it get worse or better? I’m 21, what side of the spectrum am I on?
MB: Oh man, you’re perfect, you’re at the top of the mountain … Your hangovers get so much worse once you hit 30, it’s the drop off point.
Signal: So this is the top of my game, I can only go down from here.
MB: Nah, it’ll stay till like 25, but then you gotta, you know, it’s one of those things, like anything, your body talks to you and you have to adjust. You’ll know.
(09/18/12 9:50pm)
Who is Judah Friedlander?
Karate master? Navy SEAL? Sex symbol?
He claimed to be all that and more, but it’s really only important to remember one role: He’s the World Champion.
Friedlander, along with Matt Braunger, Jermaine Fowler and Josh Rabinowitz, performed at the College Union Board’s Comedy Central on Campus Tour on the Kendall Hall Main Stage on Saturday, Sept. 15.
If the students in the audience were looking for the chance to sit back, relax and enjoy the show in relative anonymity, they were out of luck — Friedlander’s routine was largely interactive, and no one within his line of vision was safe.
“No boys tonight? World Champion’s here for you,” he reassured a group of girls in the front row before beginning his routine, which predominantly revolved around his campaign for presidency. Watch out, Obama and Romney, because the World Champ had some pretty definite ideas of how to turn this country around.
Gay marriage? Mandatory, with Friedlander insisting that any man who wanted to marry a woman had to first have sex with a man. Debt? Invade the countries we’re indebted to, of course, making it then legally America’s money. Job creation? Friedlander wants to move the midwest to somewhere above Canada, bringing California and New Jersey within a 20-minute train ride of each other. It’s a big project that’ll require lots of workers, perfect for the abysmal unemployment rate.
One member of the audience asked him if he would lower the drinking age, to which he replied that he would lower it not to 18, but to 3. “If you’re old enough
to get laid, you’re old enough to party,” Friedlander rationalized.
Just don’t accuse him of “running” for president.
When asked about his campaign in an interview before the show, he replied, “I’m not running for president. I’m standing for president. Running means you’re scared. I’m not scared.”
If nothing else, Friedlander should be able to rest assured that he’ll have the female vote (and 10 percent of the male vote) if his stories about his sexual prowess are to be believed. In an interview, he revealed, “Sometimes I’ll be walking down the street, before you know it there’s like 30 chicks surrounding me, and a couple of dudes … When I do comedy, I actually have to tone down my sexuality, otherwise people wouldn’t be able to concentrate on the show.”
Friedlander assured the audience that he does have to put some work into his sex life. “It’s not all about a huge cock and perfect balls,” he explained. “You need strategy.” That strategy? “Location, location, penetration,” according to Friedlander. Take notes, boys.
Not everyone can live such a charmed life, though. Braunger and Rabinowitz both admitted to needing a little more help with the ladies. After an inspired performance of a Britney Spears song at a karaoke bar, Braunger confessed that he replied to a woman’s compliment by saying, “Thanks a lot. Where do you live?” Creepy, yes, but maybe not as creepy as Rabinowtiz’s story about how, when asked at his college orientation if he could go back in time and change something, he decided that he would return to the sixth grade and kiss his 12-year-old crush. Rather than think this was heartwarming, his classmates labeled him a “time-traveling pedophile.” Maybe the World Champ can give them some advice.
Romantic flops aside, the three opening comedians were more than capable of stepping out of Friedlander’s very long shadow. Braunger regaled the audience with his tales of drunken bingo and acid-laced clown pub crawls. A regular Mister Manners, he lectured on party etiquette (“If you don’t throw up on yourself, you can stay. You’re an example now.”) and strip club etiquette, something he believes women lack. Not that it’s entirely their fault, as Braunger believes women’s strip clubs don’t cater to what their audience really wants. His solution? Give the women a more romantic setting (he suggests “Autumn … in Vermont”) and maybe a hunky young mechanic who happens to lose his overalls while fixing a broken down truck. Obviously Braunger has put a lot of thought into this.
Fowler and Rabinowitz, though newer to the stage than the veterans they preceded, more than held their own with the crowd. Fowler talked about life with his twin brother, Jerome, who he would constantly get confused for. Because Jerome was a drug dealer, however, this confusion was often less about wacky hijinks and more about trying to avoid people Jerome owed money to.
Fowler also joked that, when he got bad grades as a kid, his dad would take him for drives to look at crackheads on the street, threatening that if he didn’t shape up he would end up like them, “doing drugs and sucking dicks.” In print this seems more horrifying than funny, but Fowler’s upbeat attitude turned even the most serious situation into a joke.
Rabinowitz, a graduate of the University of Pennsylvania in 2010, joked about his college life and attempts to be cool, with little success. In an interview, when asked what his most embarrassing college moment was, he said, “One time I emailed a girl asking her to be my girlfriend. I emailed her that three times, and she said no all three times. I guess my advice would be if at first you don’t succeed at something, just quit immediately … Don’t persevere. Just quit, just lay down.”
Click here for a transcript of Shaun's interviews with the comedians.
(09/05/12 6:32am)
So I’ve been hearing a lot of complaining lately. I mean, I always hear complaining around campus (“Why are the lines so long at meal equiv?” “Why is it so hard to get a table in the café?” “WHY CAN’T I TAKE MY OVERPRICED COFFEE UPSTAIRS TO STUDY, GODDAMNIT?”), but this is one complaint that always seems to come up at the start of every school year. The grumbles quiet down eventually, but in the beginning there’s always a particularly loud call for blood. The problem, of course, is the freshmen.
“The freshmen are so stupid. The freshmen are so rude. God, don’t the freshmen just suck? I definitely didn’t act like that when I was a freshman.”
Now, in past years I’ve ignored the complaints, or even joined in. But this year, I feel the need to say something. Maybe it’s because I’m a senior, and am feeling nostalgic for the youth that’s quickly slipping through my fingers. (I’ve also been feeling rather dramatic, evidently.) For whatever reason, I’m going to go to bat for you, freshmen, and tell everyone else on campus to calm the hell down with the insults.
Don’t get too excited, freshmen. I’m not here to tell you how great you are, or how you’re now a vital member of the College community. The fact that you’re all the country’s future fills me with more apprehension than Whitney Houston-esque optimism. (Are you the greatest love of all? Probably not.) I think, for the most part, that you’re all dumb little assholes. But guess what? Three years ago I, and a lot of the people I hear complaining, were dumb little assholes, too. In fact, EVERYONE is a dumb little asshole freshman year. It’s like a rule. Try to find one person on campus who hasn’t walked into the wrong classroom, or embarrassed themselves at a frat party, or thrown up somewhere besides a toilet or trashcan. It can’t be done. For some reason, though, we all tend to forget our past embarrassments and unite to pick on you every year. And maybe it’s time for that to stop.
I totally get that upperclassmen have earned their place, and may feel that they have the right to roll their eyes and sneer at younger students. But you know what? Being a freshman was hard. It was scary and confusing and getting mocked didn’t make it any easier.
I’m not here to baby you, freshmen. If I see you walking around with your lanyards, traveling in packs, I’m going to tell you to cut that shit out. But if you need directions? I’m more than willing to help you.
Also, upperclassmen, have you seen some of the freshmen? I would say like 80 percent are taller than me. And I make it a point never to sneer at someone who might be able to put me up somewhere high where I can’t get down.
(09/04/12 11:58pm)
A brown guy, a black girl and a skinny white guy walk into Kendall Hall. Sounds like the beginning of a bad (and possibly racially insensitive) joke? Never fear, this was just the lineup for the College Union Board’s “3 For Free” comedy show on Thursday, Aug. 30 starring Omid Singh, Tiffany Haddish and Tim Young.
Omid Singh, the self-professed “brown guy” in the lineup, used his ethnicity as the backbone for most of his material. With an Indian father and a Persian mother, he joked, “So I’m Pakistani.” He urged the audience not to be afraid of him. “The worst I can do to you is teach you some yoga and take you on a magic carpet ride,” he reassured the crowd.
Singh explained the concept of a “Code Red,” which, according to him, is “when a non-threatening brown person scares a lot of people.” He recalled a time when he accidently threw his gym bag into a departing train, realizing immediately that it would probably be mistaken for a bomb. Though he tells his stories in good humor, they definitely contain a comment on the bigotry found in American society.
“When usually you just see a brown person, your automatic first thought is ‘terrorist.’ So my goal is always to take that idea that they say, ‘Oh, he’s a terrorist’ and then flip it on them and say I’m just the same as you. But you have to first start by addressing the elephant in the room of saying, ‘Hey hey hey, I know I’m a brown guy, but let’s talk about something else,” Singh explained in an interview before the show.
Haddish continued in Singh’s vein of using race as an initial source of comedy, referring to herself as “the urban portion of the show” and wondering aloud to the audience, “Where are the black people?” Noting the predominantly Caucasian crowd, she joked, “I feel like I’m at a really big ass bar mitzvah.”
Haddish shared her dream of opening up a nightclub for the handicapped and complained about everything from skinny jeans to the cats in heat she can hear from her bedroom. Though she got laughs, Haddish confessed in an interview later that she wished she had changed her routine. “Tonight I wish I would have done stuff I do at high schools more because I forget they were freshmen,” she explained, noting that the younger crowd might not have been the right audience for some of her jokes.
Young’s routine, however, was aimed at the new-to-college audience. He started off his set by talking to freshmen about everything from roommates to stealing food trays and drinking. “Passing out is when you decide that wherever you are is a good place for a nap,” he joked.
He went on to warn girls about the effects of plastic surgery (“Don’t do that to your face … Get some titties, please.”) and made a Penn State/Jerry Sandusky joke involving “touch football.”
CUB announced early in the evening that the upcoming fall Comedy Show will take place on September 15 and will feature Judah Friedlander of “30 Rock.”
(03/28/12 2:58am)
Dear Signal,
Emily’s term has ended, and she’ll be back in good ol’ New Jersey in a few weeks. However, I’m sticking around until the end of May, so it looks like you’ll all be at my mercy for the next couple of columns. (You lucky readers, you!)
I admit, being here has definitely left me out of the American political loop. I was following the primaries fairly closely before I left. (Because, let’s face it, Republican debates make for some great comedic fodder, not to mention drinking games.) Being in England, however, and traveling so much has distracted me from the issues back home, and I’ve been living in somewhat blissful ignorance. Lately, however, I’ve been following the transvaginal ultrasound and birth control debates, and I just have to ask:
Have you all lost your goddamn minds?
If, as a woman, I decide to take control of my own body and terminate an unwanted pregnancy, you first want to stick a periscope up my vagina and, what, admire the view? Republicans, I know you’re constantly looking for ways to fuck over women, but this is getting a little too literal.
I decided to do some research (and by research, I mean Google) and see if the U.K. had any of the same ass-backwards ideas that are currently spilling out of America. Great Britain continues to observe the Abortion Act of 1967 (started roughly six years before Roe v. Wade), which states that “a person shall not be guilty of an offence under the law relating to abortion when a pregnancy is terminated by a registered medical practitioner” so long as two registered medical practitioners agree that it would be more hazardous for the mother to continue with the pregnancy than to abort it (according to legistlation.gov.uk). In Regina v. British Broadcasting Corporation ex parte Prolife Alliance, a judge went on to say that there was evidence that all pregnancies are more dangerous to the welfare of a woman than an abortion, making it legally easier to obtain one.
This doesn’t mean that the entirety of the U.K. spends its weekends getting drunk and aborting babies. There are, of course, Christian groups that are against the Act, and in September Tory defense secretary Liam Fox tried to call for tougher abortion laws. However, when I asked a British friend whether anti-abortion protests were the norm here, he responded with a resounding “No” (along with a funny but fairly offensive joke that I won’t repeat). A quick Google search backed him up; in fact, the few that did mention protests called them “U.S.-style” and mentioned that some, such as the “40 Days for Life” protestors, actually originated in Texas (shocking).
So it’s not like the rest of the world has been waiting for the U.S. to show up to their anti-abortion party. Why, then, is America suddenly taking huge steps backwards when it comes to women’s rights? We’re supposed to be the leaders of the free world, right? Well, then, I’d like my uterus to be free from a bunch of suits in Washington. (And, you know, probes.)
Can I not leave the country for a few months without everyone losing their shit?
Cheers,
Shaun
(11/29/11 7:41am)
In keeping with its ongoing theme of pop-punk, high school throwbacks, the College Union Board welcomed Jack’s Mannequin and Secondhand Serenade to the Kendall Hall Main Stage for the annual Fall Concert on Friday, Nov. 18.
Andrew McMahon, formally of Something Corporate and now the creative force behind Jack’s Mannequin, was a bundle of energy wrapped up in a plaid shirt. Despite being the pianist for the group, he didn’t let his instrument confine him to one portion of the stage. Instead, throughout his set McMahon danced around the stage, climbed on top of his piano and even made his way into the crowd.
Although the band is currently promoting its newest album, “People and Things,” its members still made sure to throw in some old favorites. Standouts included “Holiday from Real” and “The Resolution.” During “Swim,” the rest of the band went offstage, leaving McMahon alone to serenade the temporarily mellow and seated crowd.
The crowd didn’t remain seated for long, however. Jack’s Mannequin ended the sold-out show with two old reliables from its debut album “Everything in Transit.” “Dark Blue” and “La La Lie” had audience members on their feet and singing along in an attempt to match McMahon’s infectious energy.
Despite his return from Japan the night before the concert, it was impossible to find any sign of jet lag in McMahon’s performance. This could be credited to a little liquid energy: The band admitted to stopping by Slocum’s before the show, going so far as to make up a rap in honor of the local Ewing bar.
Secondhand Serenade opened the show in a blaze of skinny jeans and V-neck T-shirts, a palatable feeling of teen angst in the air.
“Welcome to the party, people!” lead singer John Vesely called to students, some of whom were still filing into the theatre at the beginning of the set. Although Secondhand Serenade began originally as a solo acoustic venture by Vesely, he was backed by a full band.
Vesely did his best to get the audience out of their seats and into the music.
“Feel free to stand up and stuff, ’cause this is a concert,” he reminded them.
The band played hits such as “You and I,” a cover of Coldplay’s “Fix You” and the acoustic “Vulnerable.”
During “Vulnerable,” students returned to their seats, apparently associating acoustic music with sitting. Vesely watched the mass movement with a slightly confused look on his face, only to see them stand once again after the end of the song.
The biggest response from the crowd came when the band played “Fall For You,” a radio single familiar to fans and new listeners alike.
This song, a ballad from a lovesick singer to the object of his affection, seemed fairly representative of Secondhand Serenade’s music.
When asked in an interview whether it was difficult for him to write and sing about personal subjects, Vesely replied, “No. I mean, the way I see it, it’s always kind of been like a free form of therapy… Everybody likes to forget about all their problems and sing in their car. I just sing about my problems and sing them as loud as I can, and I’m good.”
Vesely has also acted as a producer for some of his music. The added level of control, however, is both a blessing and a curse for him. “I will say that it’s really difficult when you don’t have other opinions circulating through the room, because you second guess everything you do. And it’s hard to ever feel like you’re done,” he said in an interview. “If I’m working on a song, I could keep on thinking that I would have more to add or want to change something, but eventually, you just have to say, ‘This is how it is.’”
(11/29/11 7:38am)
A Red 271 Gear Schwinn Mountain bike was stolen from outside of Cromwell Hall after its owner left it unsecured and unattended next to a trash can around 9 a.m. on Sunday, Nov. 6. Reports say the male student returned for his bike at roughly 5 p.m. on Monday, Nov. 14 and could not find it, even after searching the area and other bike racks on campus. The bike, along with its lock, is worth $160.
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A purple women’s “Roadmaster” bike was stolen after being left unsecured at 2 p.m. on Friday, Nov. 11. The female owner said she left her bike on a lamp post near the bike rack outside of Eickhoff Hall’s entrance facing the Library. Reports say that after eating lunch and leaving it alone for about a half hour, she discovered the bike was missing. The bike is worth approximately $100.
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A male student was issued a summons for underage drinking at 12:45 a.m. on Thursday, Nov. 17 in Travers Hall. Police say an officer was dispatched to the fourth floor of the building after a disturbance was reported. The accused student stated that he had consumed approximately 12 ounces of rum. According to reports, he also said he had vomited in the sink in his room, which upset his roommate and started a verbal confrontation between the two outside in the hallway.
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A female student reported getting harassing text messages from an unknown number at 6:30 p.m. on Tuesday, Nov. 15. The victim said the original message was alarming because the person knew her name.