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(03/07/07 12:00pm)
Dear Kayy,
I was dating a guy over the summer and things went really well. The sex was especially amazing. Unfortunately, when the summer ended, we did too - really, really badly. Trust me, it was all his fault. Just recently he made an attempt to apologize to me. He took complete responsibility and told me he was ashamed of the way he acted and really upset about the way things ended (pretty much every girl's post-breakup fantasy).
We hadn't spoken since the end of August so it really came out of nowhere. Neither one of us is seeing anyone, and I have a feeling I know where this is headed. All of my friends are telling me to forget about him, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested. He lives in Hoboken, so the chances of this actually coming to fruition are slim to none. Please help!
Ho for Hoboken
Dear Ho for Hoboken,
It's the classic "I realized I was wrong five months later when I was lonely watching Project Runway by myself" routine. Ahh, I know it well. For some reason, it seems there is something encoded on the Y chromosome that makes it take a little longer to realize guilt. Now, I'm not picking on men, but this certainly has been my experience.
For me, when I do something wrong, I instantly feel bad about it. If I genuinely hurt someone, whether it's a friend, date or family member, especially if it was completely unwarranted, I take a little cool-off time and then apologize. That cooling period can last as little as a few minutes as my guilt eats away at me.
Sometimes I feel a guy's "cooling period" is more like an ice age. I've gotten facebook.com pokes three weeks later, sad, drunken text messages after a month, and paragraph e-mails almost a year later expressing anguish and regret. When it gets to that point, I can't help but get suspicious. If you told me you were going to call one night and "forgot" to for a week, then why are you calling me now to apologize? If you messed with my head and hurt me four months ago, why the plea for forgiveness on this random Saturday afternoon?
Any excuse can work for why they didn't call earlier: I know you're sensitive and I didn't want to upset you; it was too soon and I didn't want to hurt you anymore; I made a mistake. (Translation: I didn't want to deal with you crying and making me feel bad; I was scared you'd bitch me out; I have no idea why I did it 'cause I'm a jerk.)
I'm not saying it's impossible for guilt to hit someone like a ton of bricks 180 days after the act was committed. It's possible, I suppose. But I think what's more at work is a person's desire: desire for companionship, desire for love or desire for a kinky rendezvous.
They miss what they had, whatever it was, and although they might have felt bad for hurting you a while ago, it would have meant admitting too much wrong and feeling too much shame if they apologized. And so they put it off until they needed you (a.k.a. he or she wanted to get some).
It isn't always as simple as a booty call. They might have real feelings but just got confused, scared or unsure about how to handle them. I'm not saying men lack any ability to communicate, but keep in mind that they don't sit around for hours discussing their tiniest inklings and complicated emotions.
So maybe he does still have feelings for you, and maybe he's finally figured them out for himself. Maybe he wants to marry you or maybe he just misses your "skills." Who knows? The point is, you won't know his intentions until you ask. Because trust me, he has intentions. I've been dumb enough to fall for that old flame who suddenly comes out of the woodwork (even though he's lived in the same dorm for two years) asking you how things are. I've even fallen for the guy who apologizes for past wrong-doings, only to claim that "we should just be friends because of our great chemistry." Ha!
My advice to you is to straight-up ask him what the deal is. He might be caught a little off guard, but to be honest, he kept you in the dark for six months and you deserve to hear it.
Even if he explains why he was a jerk half a year ago, that doesn't explain how he feels now, what he wants now and where you fit into his crazy little mess of a head.
Those types of confrontations are tough, but I'm all about the cowardly instant message or e-mail.
Sure, the Internet has rendered half of our generation incapable of face-to-face personal conversation, but there are perks of typing rather than saying how you feel - unless you want to catch him off guard.
You obviously still have feelings for this guy. And whether those feelings reside above or below the waist, you deserve to figure them out. I know your friends are telling you "screw him," and a less realistic Kayy would agree. But if he's pursuing this and you're curious enough about it to ask me for advice, I know you're not going to just sit back and twiddle your thumbs while he pines for you.
However, there are obvious unresolved issues between you which need to be sorted out before any physical action can take place. You deserve to ask him questions.Where was he six months ago with his apology? Why did he act the way he did? Why has it taken him this long to do the right thing? I can't answer these questions, but he might be able to try. If his answers aren't satisfactory, he's not worth it. If his apology isn't genuine, don't bother. I do believe people can change - but only if they want to.
Sniff out any possible bad intentions and make sure things aren't too far beyond repair to start up again. Take your time, 'cause he sure as hell took his. My suggestion: invite him over for dinner with your best friends. If he's up for that, surely he's up for anything.
Peace & Love,
Kayy
Kayy's Spring Break Tips
*The Buddy System was invented for drunk college kids, not kindergartners.
*If that guy or girl from your psych class is starting to look really good, it could just be the Kahlua, sun or bad water talking.
*If you're not going away, don't overcook yourself with the fake-and-bake.
*If you're under some sort of influence and on vacation away from your partner, for the love of God don't let your eyes wander.
*If you're going away with your partner, try to spend some quiet time away from each other.
*DRUNK SEX IS BAD SEX.
*If you go against any of these things or commit any other Spring Break relationship faux pas, make sure to e-mail them to me (askkayy@hotmail.com) so I can help!
(02/28/07 5:00pm)
This week in Around the Dorm, we hash out Tommy Morrison's return to boxing, the NFL Combine and all-star games. The contestants this week are Signal sports assistant Justin Jez, Signal managing editor Lauren Kohout and Signal nation & world editor James Queally. Signal sports editor Brandon Lee is the referee.
1) More than a decade ago, boxer Tommy Morrison was indefinitely suspended following a positive HIV test. He has now been cleared to box again after passing a series of medical tests. Do you think he should be allowed to fight again?
JJ: I have no problem with Morrison getting back into the ring. Back in 1996 "Tommy Gun" tested positive for HIV and, by rule, was banned from boxing for fear of transmitting the disease. However, in the last decade he has been retested over a dozen times, with all the results being negative. This proves what Morrison had been saying all along: that the positive test was flawed. One bad test ended the career of a great boxer. Before the test, his record was 47-3-1 and he beat George Foreman for the WBO heavyweight title. I feel bad for the guy. He is now 38 years old and whatever kind of prosperous career he had a decade ago is now gone. There is no way to get it back. Morrison never had HIV and it is about time he was reinstated and given a chance to climb between the ropes a few more times.
LK: Hey, if Rocky Balboa can face Antonio Tarver, then I think it's pretty clear that boxers can do anything, as long as Morrison doesn't star in another "Rocky V." I think that if doctors are 100 percent sure he is HIV-free, then it shouldn't be a problem if Tommy "The Duke" Morrison fights again. As long as he isn't sharing needles, rubbing his cut face up against the other guy's or having sex while he is in the ring, I don't see the big deal. I think it is more up to Morrison. If guys are afraid of fighting him because they fear they might get HIV, then I don't think Morrison will be too comfortable boxing. If it doesn't show up in the test, then Morrison can show up in the ring.
JQ: Morrison would not be the first major professional athlete to make a return after testing positive for HIV. Does the name Magic Johnson ring a bell? The NBA great revealed he was HIV positive in 1991 and proceeded to come back and play on the Olympic Dream Team in 1992 and again for the Orlando Magic in 1996. I understand that there is a much higher potential for blood to be drawn in a boxing match, and because of that the risk of transferring the disease is much higher, but Morrison has tested negative for HIV on four separate occasions. It's also important to note that while Morrison is nowhere near as important to boxing as Magic is to basketball, he is a former World Heavyweight Champion. Morrison has competed in several memorable fights, including the bout in which he won the title against Foreman. Johnson provided many memorable moments as a part of the '92 Dream Team; it is only fair that the sports world give Morrison the same opportunity.
BL: Justin gets 3 points for mentioning that Morrison was a former champ and lost his once promising career to a faulty test. Kohout also gets 3 points because she makes a Rocky reference. I didn't know Morrison was in "Rocky V." Queally gets 1 point because Magic came back to the Lakers in 1996, not Orlando.
2) With undrafted free agents and late round picks such as Tony Romo, Tom Brady, Marques Colston and Antonio Gates having success in the NFL, is there too much importance placed on Combine results?
JJ: I think the media places too much emphasis on the Combine. Actual NFL scouts, however, know how to use Combine results in the correct way: as a supplement to a player's body of work on the field. The Combine provides a level playing field for top prospects to be compared and a chance for fringe players to showcase their talent. However, someone's 40-yard dash time or Wonderlic score does not necessarily predict how effective they will be on the field. Last year, people wondered if Vince Young could lead a team after receiving a poor score on his Wonderlic test. Young was taken with the No. 3 pick in the draft and played extremely well for the Titans, who won six of their last seven games. Coaches and scouts do not make decisions based solely on the Combine, and their opinions are the only ones that matter.
LK: Of course there is too much importance placed on the Combine results. You can have a guy sprinting a four-flat 40-yard dash but he might not know what to do once he has a pigskin in his hands. Not to mention, a guy can have a lucky or a bad day at the showcase and if coaches base everything on those results, they might not be getting what they expected. Now all guys like Romo have to do is focus on the game and not so much on Carrie Underwood and maybe he'll advance farther in the playoffs.
JQ: Among the names you listed, Brady has proven without a doubt that it's not about how much you can bench press or how fast you can run a 40-yard dash, but rather your ability to react to game-time pressure and situations. Brady has emerged as one of the most talented field leaders in NFL history. There is no other quarterback I'd want driving me downfield in the fourth quarter, with the exception of John Elway. Yes, the Combine results definitely help scout a player's conditioning, but if you want to see the complete package you're getting at draft time, teams should be placing more emphasis on game film rather than a hodgepodge of statistics and sprint times. The Combine is effective at hyping the draft and providing a nice showcase of some of the NFL's future superstars, but after watching the seasons Colston and Romo had last year, it's hard to argue that it should function as a primary factor in a team's draft picks.
BL: I'm feeling generous today, but the fact is the Combine is overrated and cannot measure the on-field intangibles certain players bring. 3 points for everyone.
3) Out of the NHL, NBA, NFL and MLB, which sport has the best all-star game in terms of entertainment and meaning?
JJ: The MLB's Midsummer Classic is the most meaningful because it decides which league will have the home-field advantage in the World Series. It is the only all-star game that has any impact in the postseason. For entertainment value, I think the NBA offers the most for its fans. It is a three-day long basketball celebration, with celebrity games, young rookies and sophomores showing off, and a bunch of contests (including the always entertaining Dunk Contest). Not to mention the All-Star game itself. But most importantly, NBA All-Star Weekend does a great job of showcasing the players' talent and pizzazz. From Nate Robinson dunks to Shaq breakdancing, the NBA offers the best entertainment, hands down.
LK: No one watches the Pro Bowl, probably because it's the only one not played in the middle of the season. For meaning, it's obvious because the MLB All-Star game is the only one with meaning, having the winner get World Series home-field advantage. Besides the actual games, people pay most attention to the Slam Dunk Contest and the Home Run Derby. The NBA gets the upperhand when it comes to entertainment because of its done-up pregame and halftime shows. However, when it comes to the actual game and the quality of the play, MLB wins because it usually proves to be a good game without overrated talent like the NBA and without any ball/puck/touchdown celebration hogs.
JQ: In terms of entertainment, the NBA provides the most exciting showcase of talent around. Defense and structure get thrown out the window and fans are treated to the best pick-up game they've ever seen. The players run up the score and provide a 48-minute long highlight reel, continually trying to one-up each other. It's all the flash you miss out on during a regular season game because the game means nothing. However, in terms of meaning, the MLB provides an all-star game with purpose. First off, the winning league gains home-field advantage for its representative in the World Series. Secondly, it provides potential World Series opponents a chance to scout competition they might not see in interleague play. Unless the AL and NL champions are from the same division, they won't meet during the regular season. Why not the NFL or NHL? The Pro Bowl takes place post-Super Bowl, so nobody plays for real, while the NHL just can't match the spectacle of the other three.
BL: Kohout gets 2 points for including the Pro Bowl. Justin failed to mention the NFL and NHL so he only gets 1 point. Queally gets 1 point for another inaccuracy: interleague play rotates every season.
With a score of 8-7-5, Kohout wins this week's title.
(02/28/07 12:00pm)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart and Chris Strait
The Chargers named Norv Turner their new head coach. Turner is very excited, as it's the first time he's had a chance to fail with a good team. Turner was a surprising choice - Rosie O'Donnell has a better chance at scoring with a football team.
Bridget Moynahan's publicist announced that Moynahan is pregnant with ex-boyfriend Tom Brady's baby. Moynahan is not speaking about the overly personal matter, keeping it between her, Brady and her publicist.
Barry Bonds reported to Giants' training camp this week. The press followed him everywhere, with the exception of the bathroom and the place he buys his steroids.
Alex Rodriguez said that he and Derek Jeter have grown apart. Despite the in-fighting, A-Rod will continue to play his hardest when the Yankees already have a five-run lead.
Three marathon runners ran 4,000 miles across the Sahara Dessert in 111 days. Thankfully their opponents were all drowned in the sea.
In basketball, Charlotte Bobcats part-owner Michael Jordan says the team vows to spend what it takes to win. What it takes is buying a new basketball team.
During an argument about a Karaoke competition, Liverpool striker Craig Bellamy hit a teammate with a golf club. Bellamy later apologized for both the golf club and his rendition of "It's Raining Men."
And HIV-positive heavyweight Tommy Morrison has been medically cleared to fight some jerk who wants to fight a guy who is HIV positive. Morrison did not reveal who would be so stupid as to fight him, stating only that the opponent needed legal defense money and a few tattoos removed.
National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So) is a humorous look at the sports world, written by five comedians and edited by Sports Illustrated humor columnist Steve Hofstetter.
For more info on the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
(02/28/07 12:00pm)
Hackett's opinions are overly biased
The sad fact is that there is bias in all the news we consume. After all, in a large sense, this is why the media elites are so popular.
However, we all have the awesome ability to think for ourselves at some point. At least, we hope that this is the case.
Occasionally you will get that political "nutjob" who has been force-fed by Bill O'Reilly and taken his conservative rants to the extreme. Or maybe you encounter the Michael Moore junkie, obsessed with the already distorted facts and willing to take it a step further.
But as long as we're not brainwashed too much by these outside forces, we have the ability to listen and consider. Respect, respect, respect because eventually it will lead to progress.
Signal writer Brian Hackett lacks respect for the other side.
For instance, we don't have to make a broad generalization that the liberals are hypocritical.Hackett refers to "the liberals" like they're a group of criminals that broke into his home and stole the family pet. Hackett likes to harp on the "fact" that Nancy Pelosi requested a massive airplane. Wrong!
According to Press Secretary Tony Snow, Pelosi was not even involved in the decision for her personal air travel: the House sergeant-at-arms and the Pentagon made the negotiations outside of both the White House and her office.
Besides, how would you like the first female Speaker of the House to travel? Hackett needs to be reminded that we are just another jagged pretzel or a hunting mishap away from Pelosi becoming the President of the United States.
In what seems like an attempt to make liberals look like terrorists, Hackett has previously noted the size of Pelosi's airplane, making a comparison between the military aircraft and the passenger plane that went into the World Trade Center. It's entirely irrelevant.
Let's put things in some much needed perspective. There's some hypocrisy in all of American politics.
While various leaders of the Democratic Party have been morally questionable in the past, let's not casually gloss over the fact that GOP sex scandals continue to plague the news and damage the reputation of America's "traditional" party.
Without accurate evidence, Hackett attacks Pelosi for spending taxpayers' dollars. Speaking of big spenders, our president shares the same logic as a person who has hit our car and is now circling around to the other side to even out the damage.
Forget about impeaching Bush! Let's just have him cook Pelosi's steak in her first class compartment. However, this may be difficult for Bush. I've heard that she, like many at this point, prefers when things are well done.
Samantha Negraval
(02/28/07 12:00pm)
Dear Kayy,
I'm a virgin and have had very little hooking-up experience. I am curious about oral sex but my parents told me that "oral sex is sex" and that it's just as bad as having regular sex with a guy. How is that possible? I'm kind of bored with just making out and I want more.
Orally Challenged
Dear Orally Challenged,
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman" - the words that will go down in history as perhaps Bill Clinton's most famous ones. His little fling with Monica Lewinsky sparked a debate and created water cooler conversations across America: Is oral sex, or fellatio, considered sex?
Well, Bill didn't think so. And many people don't, actually. Well, let's think about it. Intercourse is traditionally considered to be penetration of a vagina by a penis. Losing one's virginity is generally seen as the moment when the hymen is broken. But when you look critically at this definition, a few questions come to mind. What if the girl was in an accident where her hymen was broken? Or what about people who aren't straight and never experience vaginal/penile penetration. Do they remain lifelong virgins even though they have been sexually active for decades?
When questioning the "heteronormative" definition of intercourse, it forces us to rethink all sexual acts and where they fit in. Oral sex might not technically be termed "intercourse," but it certainly has a lot of things in common with it. For example, it is very unfortunate that men and women don't consider oral sex to be sex because they don't take proper precautions in protecting themselves. Because it's not "intercourse" they don't think they can contract diseases or infections, when that's the farthest thing from the truth.
Just because you can't get pregnant from oral sex, that doesn't mean taking part in the act is any less heavy than having intercourse. In fact, pretty much everything you can "catch" during sex, you can also get from going downtown - hence, the importance of health campaigns drawing attention to the realities of oral sex and the great plethora of flavored condoms (I suggest Trojan Mint tingle).
This doesn't only apply to fellatio, but cunnilingus and analingus as well. Dental dams are used to protect from secretions during anal- or vaginal-oral sex that may contain infectious viruses or bacteria. Although you might think using a condom or a dental dam might be "uncomfortable" or "unsexy," think of it this way: I don't think there's anything more uncomfortable or unsexy than a good case of chlamydia.
So what can you catch? Like I said, you can pretty much catch anything from oral sex as with intercourse, including gonorrhea, which, when contracted orally, causes an infection in the pharynx. The bacteria that causes gonorrhea does not only grow in different areas of both men and women's reproductive systems, but it is receptive to other warm places like the anus, throat and mouth. Gonorrhea can be cured with an antibiotic, but can often go without symptoms, hence the importance of periodic screening for gonorrhea, as well as other sexually transmitted infections (especially chlamydia - the two often go hand-in-hand).
It is also possible to pass herpes along through oral contact. There are two types of herpes: one that infects the mouth and throat and one that infects the genitals. If you have a tiny cold sore (oral herpes), you can pass it onto your partner during oral sex (genital herpes). Also, studies have shown that herpes can be passed even when there is no outbreak at the time - which means if you've ever had a cold sore, there is a possibility that you can give your partner genital herpes. Not only is herpes uncomfortable, it is not curable.
Although the risk of contracting HIV is much lower with oral sex than with anal or vaginal sex, there is still a "theoretical risk," meaning there are no definite percentages or numbers. Although HIV isn't the first thing on your mind when you're about to participate in oral sex, it is something to keep in mind and just one more reason to use protection, since HIV can be transmitted through body fluids such as blood. There have also been documented cases of syphilis, genital warts, intestinal parasites (amebiasis) and hepatitis A being passed along through oral sex.
Health risks are not the only type of risks involved with oral sex. I'll never forget one of my friendly male friends saying to me, "It's okay for friends to give friends blowjobs, but once they have sex it gets complicated." Complicated for whom, I wanted to ask, but I didn't.
What he said made me think. Diseases aside, oral sex is generally considered as hooking-up or fair game among non-committed persons. Which is totally cool as long as you're safe and get tested regularly, and as long as you keep your emotions in check. Just because you're not having "real" sex doesn't mean that you won't deal with the same problems afterward. Unlike my friend so casually put it, it is most definitely possible to deal with attachment, regret or disappointment afterward - a.k.a. mucho complications.
As long as you are in check with your emotions, are up-to-date with your health check-ups and use protection, oral sex is awesome. It's important to keep these things in mind before going down under.
Kayy*
(02/21/07 5:00pm)
Both the men's and women's squads finished first in the team rankings of the New Jersey Athletic Conference indoor track & field championships in Toms River, N.J.
Women's Highlights
Freshman Kristen Tricocci placed first in the 200-meter dash in 27.50 and won the long jump at 4.89 meters.
Sophomore Megan O'Leary
won the one-mile event in 5:15.04.
Junior Jessica Bonelli won the 400-meter run in 1:00.18.
Sophomore Stephanie Herrick took first in the 800-meter run with a time of 2:15.66.
Sophomore Martine McGrath placed first in the 3,000-meter run in 10:58.60.
Sophomore Megan Donovan won the 5,000-meter run with a time of 18:33.27.
The women's 4x200-meter relay team took first in 1:48.49.
The women's 4x400-meter relay team placed first in 4:13.39.
The women's 4x800-meter relay team won in 10:04.09.
The women's distance medley team won in 15.11.00.
Men's Highlights
Junior Steve Kinney placed first in the men's 5,000 meter run in 15:39.70.
Freshman Lee Jones won the men's 200-meter dash with a time of 22.99.
Junior Brian Kopnicki took the men's one-mile run in 4:18.43.
Sophomore Rob McGowan won the men's 400-meter run in 50.10.
Sophomore Chris Guerriero placed first in the men's 3,000-meter run finishing in 8:47.17.
Senior Dan Mitchell was victorious in the men's triple jump with a height of 13.10 meters.
Junior Brian Donatelli placed first in the men's weight throw with a distance of 16.56 meters.
Sophomore Matt Dolan took first in the men's mixed 5,000-meter run in 15:39.78.
The men also won the 4x800-meter relay in 8:13.49.
(02/21/07 5:00pm)
This week in Around the Dorm, we battle over John Amaechi and his new book, Dice-K and the Red Sox, and Marty Schottenheimer getting axed. The contestants this week are Signal managing editor Lauren Kohout, Signal nation & world editor James Queally and WTSR sports director Pat Lavery. Signal sports assistant Justin Jez will be the ref.
1) Revealed in his upcoming book, "Man in the Middle," John Amaechi became the first NBA player to openly identify himself as being homosexual. Amaechi's book has prompted discussion about diversity and has been the target of some homophobic reaction. What effect will this book have on NBA players and other professional athletes? Will this news inspire a more diverse and accepting sports culture?
LK: I wish I could say that since Amaechi came out of the closet, it will prompt other gay players to take his lead and do the same. However, because Amaechi doesn't play anymore, he avoided a lot of unwanted stigma. I'm sure there are homophobic NBA players who wouldn't feel comfortable hitting the showers if they knew there was a gay person on their team. I don't know what Amaechi says in his book, but I doubt it makes it easier for anyone to come out of the closet, let alone a famous ball player. I don't think this will change anything, at least anytime soon.
JQ: It is unfortunate that ignorance and petty prejudices have forced people like Amaechi to reveal their sexuality in a post-career narrative rather than in casual conversation. I do believe that Amaechi's book will inspire more openness about sexual identity in the NBA and other major sports. However, Tim Hardaway has already proven that this openness may not always be a good thing. On a radio show early last week, the former Miami Heat guard revealed that he would be uncomfortable with playing alongside a gay teammate, adding that he believed homosexuality was wrong. On the flipside, "Sir" Charles Barkley admitted to knowing of several gay teammates during his tenure in the NBA and swore that he was one of many players who did not have a problem with it. It's going to take a while to sift through all the conflicting reactions, but at the very least Amaechi's book has opened up the discussion of homosexuality in the NBA. I won't say that it will definitely inspire a more accepting and diverse sports culture, but it will go a long way in helping to promote one.
PL: Hardaway has been banned from his promotional appearances at All-Star Weekend in Las Vegas because of homophobic comments he made on sports columnist Dan Le Batard's radio show. Hardaway has issued a half-hearted apology. Le Batard has chastised Hardaway. Espn.com writers Liz Granderson and Gene Wojciechowski have publicly condemned the timing, nature and media hype of Amaechi's announcement - wrongfully, in my opinion, especially on Granderson's part, as he himself is gay and knows the difficulty associated with outing oneself. We're not talking about a man who's saying he's gay just to get attention. We're talking about a man who felt like an outcast in the "macho" society of basketball. Amaechi decided to keep his orientation private until he was financially guaranteed for life by his NBA contracts. Because of the way Amaechi has talked, it's not a certainty that a professional team would pay a gay player as much as a straight one. Does that mean he was right to publicly bash Jerry Sloan and accuse certain people of homophobia? Probably not. Does it, and the rest of Amaechi's book, mean that professional sports as a whole will become more accepting of gay athletes? Not for a long, long time. But does it mean that we're getting closer to an athlete coming out while still an active player? It might not be tomorrow, but it's coming soon, ready or not.
JJ: Queally takes this round, earning 3 points. A dialogue is indeed taking place, and the fact that Barkley revealed that he knew homosexual players in his playing days only proves that Amaechi's actions will bring change. 2 points for Lavery, who made a good point that Amaechi may have kept quiet for financial reasons. Kohout, I respect your opinion that nothing will change soon, but I wanted to hear more reasons why - 1 point.
2) Japanese pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka attracted tons of media coverage since the Boston Red Sox got set to open spring training. Nicknamed "The Monster," Matsuzaka is projected to provide a big boost to Boston's rotation. How effective will Matsuzaka be in the MLB, and does he give Boston an edge over the Yankees?
LK: If Matsuzaka is anywhere near as good in the MLB as he was in the Japanese league, he will be extremely effective. It just depends on if he lives up to his hype or not. He gives the Red Sox enough of an edge to hang with the Yankees. It always comes down to the wire with those teams. Matsuzaka may not give the Sox the edge over the Yankees and their ridiculously sick lineup, but he will be a nice complement for the Sox since the Yanks got back Andy Pettitte.
JQ: The Monster's actual impact in the MLB will depend on how much of an edge he gives the Red Sox's five-man rotation against the Yankees' pitching staff. The two teams have evenly matched one-two punches, with Curt Schilling and Josh Beckett leading the charge for the Sox, and Chien-Ming Wang and Mike Mussina heading the Yanks' rotation. With each team also harboring an aging inconsistent pitcher (Tim Wakefield for the Sox and Pettitte for the Yankees), it's going to come down to a battle between Matsuzaka and the Yankees' most recent Japanese import, Kei Igawa. Igawa has the advantage in experience, having played 10 years in Japan, but Matsuzaka's 96 mph fastball, as well as his unique style of pitching, is exactly what earned him his nickname. I think Matsuzaka's unorthodox pitching arsenal, as well as his "gyroball" (a pitch unique to Japan) will confuse most American hitters, including the Yankees. The Monster will tip the scales in the Red Sox's favor.
PL: I interviewed the CEO of a sports public relations firm in Massachusetts who was an absolute Red Sox fanatic. Contrary to the view that most Yankees fans (like myself) hold of Red Sox fans, this man was very rational and gave the Yankees a lot of credit for their offseason moves so far. My friend told me, after talking to Red Sox officials and front office men, that the best-case scenario - we're talking best case, here - was that "Dice-K" would win 17 or 18 games this year, meriting strong Cy Young consideration. However, the Red Sox would finish the year around 93 wins, compared to about 100 for the Yankees, who he predicted would win the American League East for the 10th consecutive year. That's pretty much straight from the horse's mouth and it's good enough for me.
JJ: 3 points for Queally. I love the way you broke down the starting lineups for the Yanks and Sox. People are questioning, however, whether or not he can actually throw that "gyroball." Kohout, we will see if The Monster can live up to the hype - 2 points. Lavery, I appreciate a Yankee fan predicting that Matsuzaka will win 17 games, but I want your opinion, not a New Englander's - 1 point.
3) A month after being told his coaching position was "safe," former coach Marty Schottenheimer was fired by the San Diego Chargers. Schottenheimer led the Chargers to a 14-2 record this season, and two AFC West titles in the past five years. Did Schottenheimer deserve the axe?
LK: I don't see how Schottenheimer deserved to be let go. Sure, he suffers in the playoffs and gets criticized for it. But last time I checked, so did Peyton Manning, and, oh look, he just won a Super Bowl. Schottenheimer got the short end of the stick on this one. Who can bring the Chargers some future success? The question is who can't. You have to wonder who could possibly make the team worse and become a virus in the Chargers' Club, kinda like a T.O. type as a coach. I'm sure Norv Turner won't have that effect on the team.
JQ: No, Schottenheimer did not deserve to be let go by the Chargers. He led the team to the league's best record, and more importantly, he jelled with his team better than almost any coach in recent memory. Shaun Merriman and Philip Rivers have both sworn up and down that they would love to finish out the rest of their NFL careers under Schottenheimer. His firing destroys the morale of a team that should have won the AFC this year. Yes, I understand that Marty is cursed in the playoffs and part of that has to do with his conservative playcalling. However, the incredible player-coach relationship that Schottenheimer had with some of his stars, including LaDainian Tomlinson, is the kind of thing that will keep players of that caliber in San Diego when free agency rears its ugly head. So when the front office starts wondering why talent is moving out of the city left and right, it can look no further than its own shortsighted decision.
PL: To improve the Chargers, one must look no further than the players themselves. That team beat itself in the playoffs. When the Chargers led 21-13 late and looked like they were going to upset an exponentially more experienced Patriots team, I thought that the Patriots had no one to blame but themselves if they lost this game. Only minutes later, after the Pats tied the game, did I realize I could have been saying that about either team. No dosage of the Martyball playoff curse should have been enough for the Chargers to lose that game. Not only did they have the most dominant players in the league this past year at running back (Tomlinson), tight end (Antonio Gates) and linebacker (Merriman, steroids or not), but they had the consensus best team in the league at 14-2. So it doesn't matter who the coach is next year (and no, Marty didn't deserve to be let go, unless it was an age thing since he turns 64 next season), because the players know (and if they don't, they should) that the onus is on them.
JJ: Kohout gets 3 points for her answer. Peyton had the same monkey on his back that Schottenheimer has. I also agree with you that this Chargers team is extremely talented and many coaches would do well there. Queally and Lavery each earn 2 points. It will be ironic, Queally, when LT and company begin to move on to greener pastures. And I am also glad that Lavery placed at least some blame on the players themselves; last time I checked, coaches do not score touchdowns.
With a score of 8-6-5, Queally grabs this week's title.
(02/21/07 12:00pm)
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart and Chris Strait
This week was Lincoln's birthday. That reminds me, four score and seven years ago the Celtics won a championship.
Scottie Pippen is considering a comeback to the NBA. And we're considering laughing at him. Pippen has been working out in preparation, mainly on a stairmaster and a time machine. Of course, Pippen has already been offered a deal by the Celtics.
James Hylton, 72, became the oldest man ever to qualify for the Daytona 500, despite leaving his turn signal on.
The University of Illinois will retire its Chief Illiniwek mascot after the basketball season. The NCAA says that it's demeaning and the school cannot keep it unless it starts to win as much as Florida State.
Closer Keith Foulke retired after spending just one day with the Cleveland Indians. We're hoping the Indians trade for Bonds. Wow - Foulke would sooner retire than pitch for the Indians. The team hasn't been this embarrassed since "Major League II."
And police arrested a Vermont man after he was caught pleasing himself on a ski lift. A sad, tragic end for Bode Miller.
In football, Tiki Barber will be a football correspondent on NBC's "Today Show," where he will make Matt Lauer seem not as bald.
Mavericks owner Mark Cuban fully endorsed the idea of gay players coming out, saying they would become "rich heroes." Which is good, since they'd have to purchase their own locker room.
Duke may not even make it into the NCAA Tournament this year. If they do miss out, they'll either play in the NIT or contend for the NBA East.
National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So) is a humorous look at the sports world, written by five comedians and edited by Sports Illustrated humor columnist Steve Hofstetter.
For more info on the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
(02/21/07 12:00pm)
George Carlin, Grammy Award winner, comedic legend, actor and author, will be performing at the Kendall Hall Main Stage Theater for two shows on Friday, April 20. Carlin is being featured as part of the College's Celebration of the Arts. Tickets go on sale Wednesday, Feb. 28 at the box office in Brower Student Center at 9 a.m.
(02/21/07 12:00pm)
Each week, we'll be profiling five different ways to waste your time. They'll range from videos and online games to physical activities and ways to decorate your room.
1. Check out 'Ask a Ninja' on YouTube. There are plenty of episodes to choose from. Faithful ninja-worshippers have asked the ninja questions like how to kill a ninja and what to get a ninja for a gift.
2. Play Arctic Quest on Yahoo! Games. The Snow King has unleashed a bitter frost on the tropical islands of the world, and it's your job to solve some puzzles and break the spell. Use it as a chance to imagine your Spring Break destination animated and without all the nudity.
3. Make paper footballs and have your own Super Bowl. Perhaps you're in football withdrawal. This is a good way to get the roommate or housemates involved. If you can gather a bunch of other bored/time-wasting friends, make it a tournament.
4. Call your grandparents. You know they miss you - you might as well put that cell phone to good use. Maybe you'll get a care package out of it, all you have to do is try! It's still more interesting than that economics homework.
5. Get out your camera and take stupid pictures for MySpace or Facebook. Forget about "sexy" poses or "emo" poses. "Goofy"
is the new hot. People will actually be pleasantly surprised to meet you in person rather than disappointed when you look nothing like that photo you took from 45 feet away in blurry sepia tones.
How do you procrastinate?
Waste some more time by e-mailing us at signal@tcnj.edu with your favorite ways to avoid being productive.
(02/21/07 12:00pm)
Dear Kayy,
I'm a senior and applying to grad schools. My boyfriend already has a job offer in the area and he's dead set on taking it and living in New Jersey forever. He said we'll probably get married within the next four years or so. The problem is that most of the grad schools I'm applying for are nowhere near the tri-state area. What I want to do is very specific and there are very few good schools that offer what I want. I absolutely cannot pursue this career I want without furthering my education. I've discussed my desire to apply somewhat with him and he suggested applying to schools in NYC or Philly part-time, but to be honest, they don't have what I need. I haven't even told him that I'm applying yet. Our plan has always been to move closer to his job, get an apartment, and he'd work while I get the place settled and think about what kind of job I can get in the area. I know exactly what I want to do and how to do it, but I have no clue how to go about telling him. This sounds totally stereotypical, but it's my real life.
Hopelessly Devoted
Dear Hopelessly Devoted,
I don't need to tell you we're not living in our mothers' generation. "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage." We've been singing that teasing rhyme since childhood and I'd assume young children still chant it on the playground at Suzy and Sammy, the class sweethearts. I'm hoping that now Suzy says instead, "No, I want to be a lawyer and single mother who adopts," but perhaps I'm being a bit too optimistic.
Once upon a time, that song was a very accurate portrayal of how the romantic relationship progressed. One could even put it on a timeline, assigning an age to each step.
But notice that nowhere in that rhyme are the words "college" or "career." Where are we supposed to get an education and develop our minds, identities and future? Where do we become CEO or start our own business? I mean, I guess we can "have it all" (though many would disagree). Technically, we can follow that timeline while attending a four-year school. You can do table arrangements during class. You can do dress fittings hungover on a Wednesday morning and have your bachelorette party at Kat Man Du during Senior Week.
It can be done. But if your only goal is to procreate with someone tall, dark and handsome with a trust fund, why bother going to college at all? Sure, college makes you a more well-rounded person and I'm sure you'll impress the PTA when you namedrop Nietzsche or Foucault. But we're here, spending our parents' or our money to make something of ourselves, to create a future and then live it out.
But keep in mind, people spend years planning for a wedding and relatively little time anticipating the actual marriage: cohabitation, shared bank accounts and bathrooms, his and her towels and household chores. If you're having this many doubts about what the future entails with your boyfriend, you deserve the time to figure that out. As you pointed out, he never outright said, "Me, man, breadwinner. You, woman, baby/washing machine." However, his suggestion that you hold off on a career to mind the house and "decorate" while he goes off into the professional world worries me. If you were one of those Wellesley girls content with choosing laundry over law school, that's perfect. A dream come true. But you are obviously not.
The fact that you applied to graduate schools all over the country without even telling him shows that you definitely have a problem communicating what you want. There's no day like today. I know what you're thinking, I've been there, too: "Maybe I won't get in and then I won't have to address it." I too am applying to schools in California, Seattle and Texas - everywhere but a car ride from where my partner and I grew up and live today. Although he's not thrilled with the idea, he understands. He recognizes that this is my passion and that I'd never be satisfied with myself or my life until I make the great accomplishment of receiving my Ph.D.
Have you talked to your boyfriend about other job opportunities? I certainly don't expect him to completely change his life goals overnight, but perhaps there is an extension of that company on the West Coast or in other parts of the country more conducive to where you want to study.
Compromise, compromise, compromise. That's what relationships are all about; if you haven't learned how to do that in your courtship, that could be a problem. Marriage (and not to mention child rearing) is all about compromise. Marriage doesn't have to be a "struggle" per se, but it definitely takes some compromising.
Just picture this. With that childhood rhyme in mind, imagine how your life can pan out. You can move with your boyfriend for his job, do a killer interior decorating job, do a lot of window shopping and reading for pleasure. Your husband is happy, content. He has the career he's always wanted, power lunches with his boss and his beautiful wife at home. It's a dream come true, I'm sure.
But it was only a matter of time before that dream shattered. In this country's democracy, with its capitalist focus on making more and more money, with its American dream of bettering the self in every way through education and experience, it was only a matter of time before women fought back and wanted their share of the world, too.
And I see where your struggle comes from. You want that fairy tale. You love your boyfriend and you want to make him happy. If you totally disregarded his feelings and applied to a graduate school in Hawaii with no regrets, that would be a problem, too. But that doesn't mean your relationship has to end. There are definitely going to be some bumps along the way, but you need to talk to him.
You need to explain to him how you can't have the education and life you want without this degree, and that without getting the right degree from the right school, you won't have the career or success you want either.
If it takes too much explanation and fighting and he refuses to compromise, maybe he's not the man of your dreams after all. Relationships should be about mutual respect and honesty, and if he can't see the fire in your eyes and the passion in your heart, then he doesn't see you. And if he sees it and chooses to ignore it, then he's something even worse.
I wish I could offer you a concrete solution, but there are many other issues you need to consider as well. If you're stubborn and decide to stay together long distance, that's a whole other column.
Good luck and keep in mind that you don't have to do what other men or women see fit. If you live your life for other people, you'll never be satisfied with who you are. Make your own decisions (and compromises) and stick to them. Love can make these decisions trickier, but nonetheless, this is your life and you deserve everything you want.
Love,
Kayy*
(02/21/07 12:00pm)
Real-life wife and husband Janet Quarterone and Dale Simon perform in Noel Coward's 'Private Lives.' They play a divorced couple who meet again on separate honeymoons with their new sweeties only to discover they still love each other. The play is being performed by Shakespeare '70 in the Don Evans Black Box Theatre on Feb. 22, 23 and 24 at 8 p.m. and Feb. 25 at 2 p.m.
(02/14/07 5:00pm)
This week in Around the Dorm, we duke it out over No. 1 pick in the NBA and sports icons such as A-Rod, Tiger Woods and Roger Federer. The contestants this week include Signal sports editor Brandon Lee, Signal managing editor Lauren Kohout and Signal nation & world editor James Queally. Signal sports assistant Justin Jez will hold down the reffing position again.
1) NCAA men's basketball freshman standouts Greg Oden and Kevin Durant are the favorites to lead this year's NBA draft class. Which one of these young stars would you take if you had the No. 1 pick?
BL: With either pick you are going to get a superstar player who will have an immediate impact on your club. However, given the dearth of legitimate true centers in the NBA, I'd take Oden. Durant might be a Garnett-type player, but Oden can be the next David Robinson, who won two championships. In his freshman year at Ohio State, Oden has averaged 15 points, 10 boards and four blocks, mostly with a cast on one hand. I have seen Oden play in person at the ABCD Camp sponsored by Reebok in Hackensack, N.J., and this kid is the real deal. He knows how to dominate both ends of the floor without being a diva.
LK: Depending on what team gets the No. 1 pick and what that team's needs are, I'd have to say that Durant is one of those guys that can impact a team immediately. Especially with that 37-point, 23-rebound game a couple weeks ago, he showed that he is worthy enough to be the No. 1 pick. Everybody could use those points on their team's overall stats. He's an all-around player. Oden is somebody to look out for a few years down the road when he has the experience to be a big-time center. I think Durant will just be better right out of college, whereas Oden will need some time to get used to things.
JQ: While either Oden or Durant would make wonderful additions to any NBA team, people tend to forget that the No. 1 pick isn't always the best player from that year's draft class. The team that earns the No. 1 pick this year is going to take the player that is the best fit for its rotation. Oden is the clear-cut choice if a team in need of a big man draws No. 1. Standing at 7 feet tall, Oden has already been compared to David Robinson after just one year of college ball. At 6-foot-10, Durant's stone-cold shooting ability and quickness coupled with his ridiculous wing-span make me imagine him as the lovechild of Tracy McGrady and Kevin Garnett. Now the Grizzlies, Sixers and Celtics are the front-runners for the No. 1 pick. With Pao Gasol desperate to get out of Memphis, I could definitely see the Grizzlies taking Oden with the No. 1 pick. Meanwhile, if the Sixers are at No. 1, Durant would really complement a team that just lost a prolific scorer like A.I.
JJ: 3 points for Brandon and Kohout. Oden, a true center, is a dying breed in the NBA. His size and defensive abilities may be too much for the top team to pass up. However, Oden will take time to develop, whereas Durant is an impact player right now. Queally gets 2 points. While team composition is important, any team would gladly find a place for these two stars.
2) With Barry Bonds and Manny Ramirez staying with their clubs, attention turns toward Alex Rodriguez. After the 2007 season, Rodriguez has the option to "opt out" of his contract with the Yankees. Will Rodriguez leave New York after the season, and if so, where would he want to play?
BL: A-Rod will retire as a Yankee. Rodriguez is too good of a player to wave the white flag in New York. He is still putting up all-star numbers and will be a future hall of famer. Rodriguez was included on Sports Illustrated's All Century Team roster, which included Maris, Mantle and Ruth. Enough said. Unfortunately, since the New York fans and media are so critical of him, his career might be overshadowed by his inability to bring a championship to New York. A-Rod is almost like Peyton Manning: No matter how many accomplishments you have during the season, you are nothing unless you succeed in the playoffs. With that said, Rodriguez will try to prove the whole world wrong.
LK: I think we're going to see A-Rod stay in New York for a while longer. He wants a World Series, and the Yankees always have the chance to do it; they're always in the running. No one else can offer him what he needs, especially that $27 million he just deposited into his bank account. Lucky son of a gun.
JQ: The crowd at Yankee Stadium is going to ultimately decide this one. If Rodriguez can produce at the level the rabid New York fans have always expected him to, then 2007 might be the first season in a long time that he can shake the boo-birds that have plagued him since he shacked up with the Bombers. However, aside from a stellar year at the plate, he is also going to have to finally unravel the mystery of playing third base. While Rodriguez is uncomfortable with both the fans and his position in New York, he's got a much more loving clubhouse waiting for him in Chicago. The Cubs new manager, Lou Piniella, is pretty familiar with Rodriguez. He managed him from 1994-2000 with the Seattle Mariners. Also, with Aramis Ramirez already occupying third base for the Cubs, it's very likely that Rodriguez could return to the outfield alongside another ex-Yankee, Alfonso Soriano.
JJ: Queally earns 3 points. The fans and media in New York will have a great impact on A-Rod's decision. Brandon scores 2 points this round. I like the comparison between A-Rod and Manning. His poor playoff performance just won't cut it for the Yankees. Kohout, good point about A-Rod having a great chance to win in the postseason; however, I wanted to see a few more supporting arguments - 2 points.
3) Tiger Woods has won seven straight PGA events, including the British Open and PGA Championship major events. Roger Federer recently earned his 10th ATP Grand Slam Event with his win at the Australian Open. Which player is more dominant at this time in his respective sport?
BL: Seeing that I am such an expert on both sports, I'm going to have to give Tiger the go-ahead on this one. Both athletes have accomplished historic streaks in their sports and it is unfair to both of them to say that either one is more dominant. However, given the death of his father in May 2006, Tiger gets my vote for playing at such a high level while dealing with the tragic event. I'm not sure what is going on in Federer's life, but to continue to play and grieve at the same time takes a lot of strength.
LK: First of all, best question ever. Second of all, Roger Federer. To see him lose to the best American player we have, Andy Roddick, in an exhibition match and then see Federer work like a machine in their next match and return Roddick's unreturnable 149-mile-per-hour serve is just plain glorious. Sure, Tiger is awesome. He had a slump a few years back that was bad for Woods but pretty good for any golfer. With Federer, however, no one has seen such a slump. He's always on top of his game and will be for a lot longer. It's just too bad he isn't American so we could celebrate him more often.
JQ: While Federer and Rafael Nadal have come together to provide us another Pete Sampras-Andre Agassi type rivalry, Woods has won seven straight events to become one of, if not the, most dominant golfer in PGA history. Federer is currently No. 1 in the ATP rankings, and has been since Feb. 2, 2004, putting him on pace to break Jimmy Connors' record of 160 consecutive weeks at No. 1. Woods was also dominant in the second half of 2006, winning at the PGA Championship and the British Open, but also finishing third at the Masters and getting cut at the U.S. Open. Federer has been nearly unstoppable, especially in 2006, when he won three Grand Slam tournaments, including Wimbledon and the U.S. Open. His only significant loss came in the finals of the French Open to Rafael Nadal, who has admitted that clay is his specialty. Sorry Jez, I know you're a big Tiger fan but you said most dominant. Three years on top for Federer is too much to overlook.
JJ: 3 points for Kohout. I think her point about Federer not getting enough credit in America was the best this week. Brandon, I liked your point about Tiger's father. His courage and focus during that time was inspiring. However, there was not quite enough information - 2 points. Queally made a good point about the length of time Federer has spent on top. However, I wanted a little more inside information on Tiger - 2 points.
(02/14/07 12:00pm)
Attached?
(02/14/07 12:00pm)
Seal staff deserves more credit
We're writing this in response to Jake Remaly's article, "Money can't buy me love - or a yearbook."
We were distressed by the tone of the piece and its failure to address the positive steps the yearbook staff has taken with regard to inadequate funding for the book's production.
In October, we sent out a mass mailing to the parents of seniors, offering them opportunities to purchase a book and buy ads congratulating their children. We had tables at the fall and spring activities fairs, as well as in Eickhoff and Travers. We sent out an e-mail to the entire senior class through the Class of 2007 list encouraging them to purchase a book.
In addition, we sent out multiple e-mails to organizations, asking them to buy $10 ads to congratulate their seniors. To imply, as the article did, that we are not doing everything we can to raise funds is misleading and a disservice to many hardworking people.
We have other plans in the works for reaching out to the campus to fundraise. Unfortunately, without an advisor in place to sign off on vouchers and approve other ventures, we cannot go ahead with our fundraising ideas.
On that issue, the article suggested that we have not taken actions to replace Tony Marchetti. When he resigned six months ago, he was told, and then informed us, that a new advisor would be assigned by the office of Campus Activities. We resumed work on the yearbook. It was not until after winter break that we were told that no action was being taken to rectify the situation.
Finally, the article's statement that staff members considered calling off publication of the 2007 yearbook is false. After the Jan. 22 meeting mentioned in the article, the staff was informed that officials had considered that course of action.
The Seal's staff has never wavered from its goal of preparing the yearbook for its September publication.
As of now, we are continuing to design the book and find new ways to publicize. While we ask the campus for their help, it should be understood that we are not sitting back and waiting for things to happen, but are throwing ourselves full force into making the 2007 book a reality.
2007 Seal Staff
False advertising screws over seniors
I wrote a letter that was printed in the Jan. 31 edition of The Signal about how disappointed I was by the changes made to Senior Week. After I wrote that letter, I didn't think I could be more appalled with this college's administration. I was wrong.
When I picked up last week's copy of The Signal, I saw that now the Class of 2007 might not receive a yearbook. This is absolutely disgusting.
The headlines flash at us every time we open our browsers to check our e-mail: "TCNJ Voted One of the 25 Most Beautiful Campuses," "The Hot College," "TCNJ Receives Record Number of Applications," and finally, "Rated a Best Buy." To those who consider attending the College next fall, I have this to say: buyer beware.
The Class of 2007 is the orphan of the College community and it is the administration who has abandoned us. Like I detailed in my last letter, my class has had to deal with many issues, most of which were decided on without any regard to the effect it would have on students.
For example: transformation changes that have made graduating with a major and minor in four years an almost impossibility; a meal plan that was changed from a popular declining balance system to a weak Carte Blanche program with lesser-quality food and longer lines; our Senior Week is now a shred of the event it once was.
Now, we may be the first class in 90+ years not to get a yearbook. To me, it seems like the administration cares more about getting students in the door than they do about helping their current students create lasting memories.
I could have gotten a business degree at any other school. I decided to enroll at the College because campus visits and viewbooks made this college look like an attractive, welcoming place. I realize now that once the College got my deposit and was able to report my SAT score and high school ranking, the administration stopped caring.
I will make one concession: There are caring faculty members and organizations that try to make the College a great place to go to school.
However, the administration is undermining all the good work these people do. I know we are facing budget cuts. I know times are tough (and I will state for the record that I am grateful that the College still honors my Bloustein scholarship), but the administration needs to step in and help the yearbook committee.
Stop caring so much about how the alcohol policy appears to the public, or how great that news clip about record enrollments looks on the Web site. In short: Stop caring so much about how the College appears to potential students and actually show that you care about the ones that are already enrolled.
There is an entire class of students graduating this May who have only gotten to experience a shred of the milestones that previous classes have.
Again, I refer back to my last letter. The administration wonders why our alumni giving rate is so low. The reasons I detailed above are why. When I graduate from law school and inevitably get a letter in the mail asking me to donate to the College, I will specify where my money goes.
It will go to my rugby team, the club sports program, the Pre-Law program or the School of Business. I refuse to let the administration use my money at its own discretion, because clearly, its priorities are out of whack.
My parting words are to the Classes of 2008, 2009, 2010 and anyone considering the College as their future alma mater: Be careful, because when you're seniors, you don't know what else the administration will let fall through the cracks.
Callan Wright
(02/14/07 12:00pm)
Dear Kayy,
I honestly can't get enough of sex. I think about it a lot. I didn't lose my virginity until last year and ever since I've been kind of obsessed. Sometimes it causes tension between me and my boyfriend because I want to do it more than him, and then if he rejects me I get very resentful. I tried talking to people about it but they pretty much just laugh or think it's not too serious, but it is. Am I a sex addict?
Nympho
Dear Nympho,
I'm afraid addiction is a strong word. Addiction - whether it's to alcohol, drugs or the Style Network - refers to when a person is so consumed with something that it literally takes over his life and guides all his decisions. It's having mixed up priorities (example: not taking an important class for your major because your partner is off that day and you don't want to miss a single chance of getting some).
True sex addiction ruins relationships. Think of famous celebrity "sex addicts": Michael Douglas, Usher, Charlie Sheen and Halle Berry's ex-husband (some of these people are also notorious for having other addictions). These celebrities claimed to be so sex-crazed that they in fact blamed their infidelity on their "condition." But aside from the more glaring outcome of sex addiction - not being able to keep it in your pants around supermodels - constantly being in need can really put a strain on your partnership (nevermind the disasters that occur when cheating plays a part).
Being addicted to sex doesn't mean you simply can't get enough of your irresistible partner, it means you are hooked on the excitement and release of intercourse. Being treated like a sex object by the person you love can be damaging to your self-esteem. And let's face it, sometimes people just aren't "in the mood." Constantly persuading someone to have sex can lead to resentment and if force is used (verbal, physical, emotional or psychological) it's outright illegal. A person who feels they have been sexually manipulated can be left confused, hurt or worse.
I'll be the first to admit: sex is great stress relief. It's a great way to unwind and relax and forget about things for a while, but if it is your only source of release, that's not healthy. Sexual addicts use sex not only as a release, but as a means of filling a void. That void can be anything: the loss of a family member, depression or nothing more than the confusing complications of adjusting to a new way of life (like going away to college).
According to Dr. Kate M. Wachs, author of "Relationships for Dummies," sex addicts crave an exponential amount of sexual activity, similar to how drug addicts build up resistance and need larger doses to get high. This works like a sort of cycle. A person becomes obsessed with the idea of whatever act he or she is addicted to. He or she gets to the point of giving in to the craving. Once completed, the self-loathing begins, until it gets to the point of needing to act out again.
Having said all that, I don't necessarily think you're an addict. I do, however, urge you to consider seeing a sex therapist to sort out your worries (just make sure that they specialize in sex addictions) or at least talk to someone in Counseling Services who can better direct you. Just because I am suggesting you might not have a medical problem, this does not mean that I'm disregarding your partner's feelings or that you should too. Try talking to him. It might seem embarrassing to talk about the fact that you can't get enough sex and when he rejects you it hurts, but if you really care about him you'll throw your pride aside and try working this out.
I've surely said this before: sex is like food. Some people live to eat, and others eat to live. Your boyfriend might just naturally have a lower sex drive. Just because he's a man doesn't mean sex is all he thinks about, and just because you're a woman doesn't mean you couldn't be bothered with sex. Everybody's different. However, if talking it out doesn't seem to help and you're seriously worried about his lack of sex drive, research people who have the opposite problem: low libido.
Before you consider the fact that you need therapy, I want you to ask yourself a few questions. When you think of the word nymphomaniac, do you think of a man or a woman? If you're like the few people I polled, you'd say woman. Why do you think that is? Why is it that men are sex addicts (innocent people with disorders they can't control) and women are nymphomaniacs (crazed beings that live for erotic indulgence and thrive on moral decay)?
Next, do you think you truly fit in with the aforementioned, unhealthy cycle of the sex addict? Or do you simply enjoy having sex frequently? Sex is new and exciting for us at this age. Especially since most physically exciting hobbies are traditionally reserved for men (extreme sports, boxing or hunting lions in Africa), sex is a place where women can explore their bodies and discover fantasies.
My point is that just because you really enjoy sex, like trying new things, fantasize during stat class and would rather rent a Jenna Jameson classic with your partner than watch "The Notebook" with your giggly girlfriends, it doesn't mean you have a problem dammit! In fact, if it was a man being described above, he'd get a knowing smile from Dad and a pat on the ass from his baseball coach.
Because you are a woman, and we are still feeling the effects of the sexually oppressive Victorian Era, your friends tell you you're weird and mainstream society tells you you're abnormal when you're anything but. And if you can relate to the self-loathing a sex addict feels after the act, you're probably just feeling a little guilty. In the age of "Sex and the City" and Cosmopolitan, there is still an undertone that women should be passive and should not enjoy sex as much as men. Living proof? The slut label.
So what have we learned? Sex addiction is a serious problem but can be helped with the right treatment. You're probably not a sex addict. And finally, women who enjoy sex shouldn't feel bad about it.
I say we follow the long tradition of "reclaiming" words and redefining nymphomaniac as a woman who knows what she wants, gets what she wants and isn't afraid to talk about it.
Love,
Kayy
(02/14/07 12:00pm)
Each week, we'll be profiling five different ways to waste your time. They'll range from videos and online games to physical activities and ways to decorate your room.
1. Meet the newest fashion guru, William Sledd, on YouTube.
"Ask a Gay Man" your fashion questions or just watch this Kentuckian's musings on style, baking and hair. Sledd, a Gap employee, actually offers funny and good-natured commentary. Plus, his closet is the epitome of obsessive-compulsive disorder.
2. Play Law & Order: Criminal Intent 2 Dark Obsession on Yahoo! Games. If you're already addicted to Law & Order, you might as well stretch the obsession as far as you can. Play the free trial and solve a murder with psychological tricks and your puzzle-solving skills.
3. Check out Bloc Party's video "Helicopter." Either download it on their MySpace page or search for it on YouTube. (It's the one with the poppies.) It feels like an acid trip without the nasty drug habit side-effects. The video features lizards with pig heads and an exploding bug that flies the band over a field of poppies on chains.
4. Make belated Valentine's Day cards for your friends. They don't have to be cute or romantic; they're even more fun if they're stupid and funny. Put up anonymous hearts and other cheesy things on your friend's dorm room doors or send them candy-grams.
5. Borrow a movie from the New Library. Get there before 9 p.m. because that's when the Media Center closes (4 p.m. Friday and 5 p.m. Saturday). Take a movie out for the night, but don't get lazy and forget to return it the next day. You can even browse the catalog on the library's Web site.
How do you procrastinate?
Waste some more time by e-mailing us at signal@tcnj.edu with your favorite ways to avoid being productive.
(02/14/07 12:00pm)
Valentine's Day is a day about sharing love, spending romantic time together, showing someone how much you care and getting some action.
For those of you who aren't such smooth operators, here are some songs to make the "getting some action" part that much easier.
"Iris"
Goo Goo Dolls
If your heart doesn't beat even a tiny bit faster when you hear Johnny Rzeznik belt out this ballad, chances are you don't have a heart.
"Cailin"
Unwritten Law
The acoustic version of this 1999 love song is raw, honest, romantic and can act as the perfect accent for your Valentine's Day festivities.
"Nothing Else Matters"
Metallica
This unexpected heartfelt ballad from everyone's favorite hardcore rockers can soften the hardest of hearts.
"Love Song"
311
Dim the lights, pour two glasses of wine (or sparkling cider if you're underage) and put on this laid-back Cure cover for a sure-fire way to get you and your loved one in the mood.
"Better Together"
Jack Johnson
If you can't say it yourself, just let Jack Johnson do it. With lyrics like "love is the answer, at least for most of the questions in my heart," relationships have never sounded easier and more perfect.
Of course, there's nothing wrong with being single, and Valentine's Day is the perfect chance to celebrate freedom from cheesy cards, overpriced dinners and chalky candy hearts.
Here's a great playlist for those who are free from the ball-and-chain and damn happy about it.
"Dancing With Myself"
Billy Idol
Dancing partners are overrated anyway. They only hold you back from fully getting your groove on; Billy's just telling it like it is.
"Since U Been Gone"
Kelly Clarkson
You don't need an unsatisfying and unappreciative significant other when you've got great songs like this to keep you company. Plus, it sounds good on high volume.
"99 Problems"
Jay-Z
If you're having Valentine's Day problems we feel bad for you son; we got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one.
"Single"
Natasha Bedingfield
A "declaration of independence" for single women everywhere, Bedingfield's danceable rally cry is the perfect song to listen to if you're unattached and loving it.
"Hate (I Really Don't Like You)"
Plain White T's
With lyrics like "hate is a strong word, but I really really really don't like you," need we say more about the appeal of this anti-love anthem? This is another one that sounds bangin' when blasting out of your speakers.
(02/07/07 5:00pm)
This week in Around the Dorm we debate the NBA all-star snubs, African-American head coaches and Barry Bonds. Our contestants are Signal sports editor Brandon Lee, Signal nation & world editor James Queally and Signal managing editor Lauren Kohout. Signal sports assistant Justin Jez takes over as the judge for this round.
1) Missing from the starters in the upcoming NBA All-Star game are reigning MVP Steve Nash and Dirk Nowitzki. Also, Shaquille O'Neal and Tracy McGrady were voted in despite missing much of the season. Who should be in and who should be out? Should the fans still vote for the starters?
BL: No, the fans should not vote for the starters; either sports writers or coaches should. That is the reason why a two-time MVP is not starting and why injury-riddled Tracy McGrady is. The fans just vote for their hometown players instead of those who actually deserve to be there. My starters for the Western Conference would be Nash, Kobe Bryant, Nowitzki, Kevin Garnett and Tim Duncan. For the Eastern Conference: LeBron James, Gilbert Arenas, D-Wade, Chris Bosh and Dwight Howard. Each one of those starters is the MVP of his team and deserves to start.
JQ: The All-Star game is a showcase of the NBA's best and brightest; a spectacle to entertain the fans before everyone has to get serious and worry about the playoffs. Unfortunately, this year's injustices are too much to tolerate. How do you justify starting O'Neal, McGrady and Yao Ming when all three have spent a majority of the year on the injured list? How do you place Amare Stoudemire on the bench when he's playing amazing basketball only one season after the type of surgery that can turn players into mere shadows of their former selves? How do you leave Carmelo Anthony out of the mix when he's currently leading the league in scoring with 31.3 points per game? While I wouldn't have fan voting eliminated altogether, I do believe the NBA needs to set a minimum number of games played to be eligible for the All-Star game. This way, inactive players will be kept off the rosters, while deserving players like Stoudemire and Anthony don't end up on the outside looking in.
LK: I was never a fan of fans voting for the starters just because politics get involved. That's why my hero, Cal Ripken Jr., got into the MLB All-Star game in his last season when he had subpar stats. O'Neal and McGrady don't deserve to be there. When it comes to who should be in the NBA All-Star game, a few important players are missing, besides Nowitski and Nash. What about Marcus Camby? He's leading in blocks and is second to Garnett in steals. How about Michael Redd? He's averaging more points than LeBron. Ray Allen and Vince Carter are about the same when it comes to assists and rebounds, but Allen is scoring more points and Carter is starting. Stop letting the fans decide and let the pros do it. If you ask me, Brian "Shaggy" Halligan should get some kind of mention.
JJ: 3 points for Queally for not eliminating fan voting. Despite oversights by the voters, the All-Star game exists solely for the fans' enjoyment and they should have a say. Kohout gets 2.5 points for mentioning Camby's dominance and putting LeBron in his place. I also believe professionals voting would be the distant second option for voting on a team. Good answer Brandon, but not enough snubs mentioned - 2 points.
2) With the Super Bowl featuring two African-American head coaches and other teams, like the Cowboys with Mike Singletary, interviewing African-American coaches, what is the future for African-American head coaches in the NFL?
BL: In the near future, there will be no such thing as an African-American head coach or a white head coach - just head coaches. It seems like there are more African-American coaches each year. Eventually, as coaches like Bill Parcells retire, assistant coaches and former players will be hired as head coaches and assistant coaches. There will be so much diversity that this will not be an issue in the future. Think I can make it as the first Asian coach? That will definitely break the barrier.
JQ: Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith's coaching battle at Super Bowl XLI was not only a strategic war of offense versus defense, it was also the first time two African-American head coaches went head-to-head in the Super Bowl. What does this mean for the future of black coaches in the NFL? It means they obviously have a bright one. Well, except for Dennis Green. Yes, apparently the Bears "are who you thought they were," since Smith has taken them to the big dance. But I digress. Mike Singletary is interviewing for the head-coaching job in Dallas, a team that can make themselves into a perennial NFC Championship contender once Romo matures. In the AFC, Marvin Lewis fell a few special teams mishaps short of steering the Bengals to a 10-6 record and a playoff appearance. If coaches like Singletary and Lewis continue to be given opportunities with teams on the bubble like the Bengals and Cowboys, then matchups like Dungy versus Smith in the Super Bowl will become the rule, rather than the exception.
LK: Before this Super Bowl, I never realized it was an issue. Singletary was interviewed because of the Rooney Rule, which is pretty much affirmative action. The one thing I'm unsure about is if this is the case, who else did they miss out on interviewing? I don't understand why people still separate colors in the game of football. The future for African-American head coaches in the NFL? They should thrive. Now every franchise is going to take a second look at what they have in front of them despite what color the person is. If the best person for the job is African-American, then that is who should get the job. It's sad that this guy's career was based on the fact that they had to interview him just to fill a quota.
JJ: Brandon gets 2.5 points for saying race will not be an issue in the future, and yes, he can be the first Asian coach. 2 points go to Kohout for mentioning the Rooney Rule. I do not condone any Dennis Green bashing. Queally gets 1 point.
3) The San Francisco Giants recently reached a 1-year deal with Barry Bonds for up to $15.8 million. The contract took 53 days to negotiate and includes a clause that could allow the Giants to terminate Bonds' contract if he gets suspended by the MLB. Was it a good idea for the Giants to re-sign Bonds? Will he get the 22 home runs needed to break Hank Aaron's record?
BL: As much as I hate to say it, Barry Bonds is the face of that franchise. The Giants needed to re-sign him because that team is full of aging players that are past their prime. As a necessity, it was a good signing for the Giants. Without Bonds, the Giants are nothing. However, it was not a good signing for the MLB. I believe that Bonds will get the 22 home runs he needs, which will make Bud Selig wish he wasn't commissioner anymore. Bonds will be in the MLB until he passes Aaron's record - that's the only thing left he's willing to play for. As long as Bonds can still hit for power, he will be in the MLB.
JQ: Steroid issues aside, Bonds is still useful to the Giants. Is he going to scare opposing pitchers into intentionally walking him every time he steps into the batter's box with runners in scoring position? Probably not. Is he still a viable clean-up hitter? Yeah, I'd say so. Bonds had 26 home runs and 77 RBIs with a .277 batting average and a .454 on-base percentage in 2006, which isn't too shabby for a guy entering his 20th season. If he's going to get on base hitting out of the No. 4 spot, he's going to get your runs. It doesn't really matter if he gets them by playing "small ball" (drawing walks and hitting dribbler singles) or by hitting them into the cheap seats. Will Bonds hit the 22 he needs and surpass Aaron? Personally, I don't care, because the record is going to be under the magnifying glass no matter what happens. The steroid controversy has permanently tarnished the home run chase, and there is almost nothing Bonds could say or do to reverse that.
LK: I think it was a horrible idea. Take a man who everyone in the country is mad at and give him $15.8 million. Are the Giants crazy? I know, I know; they're thinking about all the money they will bring in for people wanting to see Bonds get closer to Aaron's record. I've been hoping for years that he wouldn't ever get this close. Bottom line is that he doesn't deserve it. Sure, the Giants will make most of the money back if everything goes according to plan, so it probably isn't the worst idea of the century. But the worst part is, not only is he involved in this steroid scandal, but he isn't even a nice guy - he's a jerk. When he gets 22 more, give him the asterisk.
JJ: Brandon gets 3 points. Good observation that Bonds brings fans to the Giants, but it is better for the MLB to keep Aaron's untarnished record. Kohout gets 2.5 points. An asterisk is exactly what Bonds deserves. He has already admitted to "unknowingly" taking steroids. Sorry Queally, but you never really answered either of the questions - 1 point.
With a score of 7.5-7-5, this week's ATD title goes to Brandon.
Queally's Phoenix-like streak (two wins) comes to an end.
(02/07/07 12:00pm)
Lashing out at Lucas: Part 2
After reading an article titled "Sorority girls' intentions to join are questionable" in the Jan. 24 edition of The Signal by Kenneth Lucas, we, along with many of the other sorority women on campus, were in shock.
A sorority or fraternity is similar to an athletic team or club that promotes time management, leadership and working together. The valuable skills gained from being involved in one of these organizations propel people to do great things. Famous Greeks include Maya Angelou, Katie Couric, Georgia O'Keefe and Florence Henderson. We understand that sororities are not for everyone; it is an individual choice that should be made based on research, experience and not prejudgment.
A sorority is not merely about the "myths" of community service and diversity. While these are all a part of who we are, sorority girls are called Sisters for a reason: a sorority is a second family, people you can turn to for friendship, laughs, help and fun. If these women were in social groups "where the parties are endless and hooking up is easier than Paris Hilton," surely these organizations would have died off and would not still be in existence today.
Belittling community service of any kind is absurd. Who are you to say that bake sales are worthless? When you also state you have never seen a sorority girl "give a march on Washington," you must not have done your research. Ruth Bader-Ginsburg and Sandra Day O'Connor, both Supreme Court justices, were sisters of a sorority. I doubt they were the Paris Hiltons of their time. Dr. Condoleezza Rice, heard of her? Yup, in a sorority. Nancy Ostrander, Barbara Boxer, Pat Schroeder, Margaret Chase Smith, Andrea Seastrand: all politicians affiliated with a sorority. Lynne Cheney, Elizabeth Dole: both First Ladies, both sorority sisters. As for "protesting against discrimination," what do you think we are doing now?
We're not trying to change your mind, because it seems yours is already decided. We're sorry that you think of us as dumb "chicks" and even sorrier if you speak to your girlfriend in that manner. But, until you join a Greek organization, you will never truly understand our argument.
"From the outside looking in, you can never understand it. From the inside looking out, you can never explain it."
The Sisters of Kappa Delta
Needle exchange proven to be effective
Regarding Terence Grado's Jan. 31 opinion article, needle exchanges have been proven to reduce the spread of HIV without increasing drug use. They also serve as a bridge to drug treatment for an especially hard to reach population.
Drug users are not the only beneficiaries. U.S. Centers for Disease Control researchers estimate that 57 percent of AIDS cases among women and 36 percent of overall AIDS cases in the U.S. are linked to injection drug use or sex with partners who inject drugs.
This easily preventable public health crisis is a direct result of zero tolerance laws that restrict access to clean syringes. In the interest of containing the HIV epidemic, let's hope more politicians acknowledge the drug war's tremendous collateral damage sooner rather than later.
Robert Sharpe
MPA Policy Analyst,
Common Sense for Drug Policy
Professor's ironic end
I recently saw an article on your Web site concerning the Gene Carte Memorial Award (April 26, 2006). In that article it stated that Gene Carte was killed at the University of Cincinnati while coming to the aid of a student who was being attacked. This is not how Dr. Carte died.
I was a student of his at the time of his death and later attended the murder trial of his killer. Dr. Carte was killed about five miles from the campus while visiting a social service agency with his wife. While he was there two subjects came into the office to commit a robbery.
They were armed with a shotgun and ordered those present to get down on the floor. Dr. Carte resisted and attempted to physically disarm the individual with the shotgun. It discharged, striking him in the upper body, neck and face. He reportedly died instantly.
This was a shock and tragedy for those of us who knew Dr. Carte. It was also ironic - one of the classes he taught was "Analysis of Robbery," during which he discussed that most robbers did not seek to harm anyone when they committed their act unless their victims resisted or attempted to thwart the robbery.
We will never know why he failed to appreciate and follow this thinking when involved in a robbery himself.
Sheriff A.J. Rodenberg
Batavia, Ohio