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(09/27/06 12:00pm)
Greek speak from the Buckeye State
This article ("Greek Organizations need to take some responsibility" by Chris D'Amore, which ran in the Nov. 30, 2005 issue of The Signal) was brought to my attention via a public message board, and though I go to a different university in a completely different state, I was incredibly appalled by the accusations Mr. D'Amore posed. The basis for this article? One instance.
As both a member of the Greek community at my university as well as a member of other non-Greek organizations, I feel that I should inform the students at the College of a different, broader point of view.
First of all, fraternities and sororites are not like clubs you join in college. I have friends in various student organizations which I am a part of and I have my sisters.
The two tend to blend together fairly often, as one of the benefits of joining a Greek letter organization is meeting people from completely different walks of life and introducing them to mine.
In clubs where there is an already established similarity, it is a "given" (if you will) that members talk about their similar interest(s) and leave, possibly forming friendships outside of the organization through their own will.
I am in no way insulting clubs. I love them. I join them, but I know that I can come and go as I please as well and after college, whatever friendships I have may progress.
In my sisterhood I know that I have loyal friends (I actually call them family) for life. I wonder how many of Mr. D'Amore's friends in the groups he is a part of consider him family.
Mr. D'Amore also explained that Greek letter organizations should be responsible for every person that attends their parties.
If Mr. D'Amore could prove that he himself has been at a non-Greek party where everybody was accounted for, I would whole-heartedly agree with him. Unfortunately, I think it is safe to assume that this is not the case.
Also, it is not the council of any group of organizations to "babysit" members. Matters like the one Mr. D'Amore spoke of in his article are generally handled by the unversity or the national governing body of the organization.
Quite frankly, I would rather "get a slap on the wrist" from a peer than have the university or a national governing body put my sorority on some form of probation for misconduct.
Thank you for your time, and I wish Mr. D'Amore the best of luck in the expanding of his point of view.
Nikki Hroncich,
Kent State University
Man-bashing is the new black
Something terrible has happened in American marketing. Sexual discrimination is running rampant, with one gender being continually portrayed as the weaker, dumber, more inept sex. That's right, I'm talking about men.
Has anyone been paying attention to TV commercials lately? It's surprising how many ridicule and put down men.
Remember the one from a couple of years ago in which the husband had to do the grocery shopping? But he couldn't be trusted with a traditional list, no. His wife had to use the digital camera and printer to make color prints of the exact products she needed, since the guy was clearly too inept to handle this task.
Or my personal favorite, which is airing currently -- a husband and wife are fighting over the remote. Then they pause and look at each other understandingly - only to have the woman ELBOW THE MAN IN THE FACE. She then smugly assumes control of the remote.
Is this a continuation of the same nonsense that allows girls to wear "Boys are stupid - throw rocks at them" shirts? What would happen if I wore a shirt that said, "Punch girls in the head"?
My argument is that were these roles reversed, there would be a huge outcry from women's rights groups. And rightly so; you simply cannot advertise violence against women. But why is it acceptable and encouraged to show these same things with men being belittled?
Not all examples display full-blown violence, of course, but ridiculing men is still a theme. Differences between the sexes have always been an interesting and engaging topic, and have been used in advertising for years, often quite tastefully.
But I contend that the media has gone from poking fun to flat-out man-bashing. Next time your show takes a break, keep that mute off and watch a set of commercials, and see whether you can justify what you see.
AJ Richards
ACLU only supports its own views
In response to Khushbu Patel's letter in the Sept. 20 issue of The Signal, I would like to pose a few questions to her and the ACLU. Where were you when chalk vaginas appeared all over campus during the spring production of "The Vagina Monologues"? Where were you when Signal cartoons openly mocked Jesus Christ and his message?
Those events are incongruent with what I stand for and I felt offended by them, but for some reason the ACLU was silent on those issues.
Or is it, however, that you agree with the political and social message that underlies these endeavors, and therefore chose not to question it because you felt comfortable with it?
Let's call a spade a spade. The ACLU is not about protecting Americans' rights; it's about protecting their worldview of secularism that you hold to be true.
In case you don't know by now, your political/religious agenda and worldview does not and should not take precedence over anyone else's.
As far as the Student Government Association (SGA) goes, to point fingers at us and say we should be ashamed of ourselves is just plain ridiculous.
The SGA is an umbrella organization that oversees, and supports, all of our school's clubs and missions. Why can't the SGA support both secular and religious events?
If the SGA can put its name on a production like "The Vagina Monologues," why can't we put our name on an event sponsored by Jewish Student Union, New Jersey Christian Fellowship or Catholic Campus Ministries?
The SGA, in my opinion, should co-sponsor more religious-based events around campus, and I would vote in strong favor of it if given the chance to this year.
Steve Link,
SGA VP of Academic Affairs
(09/20/06 4:00pm)
Welcome to the first edition of "Around the Dorm." The premise is simple: I pitch out four questions to sports experts and let them prove their worth as sports gurus, with me critiquing and grading their responses. I tally points, mildly mock those who have totally missed the point and award the winner a chance to speak out about anything he or she wants as a prize for victory. Now to introduce our four competitors: Lauren Kohout, sports editor for The Signal; Ray Lodato, staff writer for The Signal; Vegas Lancaster, a person who really likes seeing his name in print; and Pat Lavery, WTSR sports director. I am the referee for this game, eight-time Fantasy Football Champion Rob Viviano.
1) What sport at the College is the toughest to play mentally?
LK: Football is easily the toughest. With the biggest playbook to memorize and the biggest hype to live up to, it isn't hard to see why it's so easy to go back-and-forth between extremes. After finishing in second place in the conference three years in a row, the team nose-dived to a 3-7 record last year. This year, the team has a lot to prove, which can weigh down on someone's shoulders, especially considering the best outing so far has been by a freshman, quarterback Chris James in the win over LaSalle University. Props to the Lions for beating the Explorers two years in a row. Now, how about a homecoming win?
RL: No doubt in my mind - football. It's not even close, really. Nevermind memorizing an entire playbook full of material, on the gridiron there can be a million things buzzing through your head on every play: "Which route do I run? Who is my man in coverage?" Top that off with the fact that you get hammered nearly every play and you have to combat the mental fatigue that wears on you throughout the game; it's an easy decision. Seriously, what's the most mentally taxing thing a field hockey player has to worry about? Whether her skirt is ironed or not? Not even close - football.
VL: I know football players have to live up to the ideal of being the pinnacle of college sports. I've also heard that field hockey had some million-game winning streak to defend a while back. I'd still say that the toughest sport mentally is crew. It is financially tough, costing thousands of dollars a year. As a result, the crew team has to contribute their own money to the sport, and have fundraisers, as evidenced by the TCNJ Crew shot glass on my desk. Even that is reasonable compared to the mental toughness required to be on the team. Crew members wake up six days a week at 4 a.m., when most of us are just crawling into bed. It is all about dedication, endurance and iron will. Crew is hard. Harder even than the liquor in my shot glass.
PL: I would think that as far as sports go here at the College wrestling is mentally the toughest men's sport, and for the women, it's field hockey. The reason I say wrestling is that in every other sport the athletes are standing upright for most of the time, whereas with wrestling, the participants often find themselves in unfamiliar, uncomfortable and undesirable positions. I think the mind-set is that you have to prepare to get in those kinds of positions or you've already lost before you get on the mat. And as for field hockey, my sister is a high school field hockey player and she constantly complains about the varied, pesky and numerous rules enforced during play. I think that all of these rules probably make field hockey a very mentally intimidating sport.
RV: Despite his inability to remember the 107-game winning streak belonged to lacrosse, not field hockey, Vegas amazingly has won me over with crew. If an entire boat working in perfect unison for hours at a time is not mentally taxing, I don't know what is - three points. Lauren and Ray had almost the same response, but Lauren reminded me that we used to be good at football, so two points for her, one for Ray. Pat has just let me down, listing field hockey as the most mentally taxing sport - zero.
2) Knowing the strengths and weaknesses of the football team and the difficulties and responsibilities of each position, which position on this year's team would you least like to play right now?
LK: I would least like to play quarterback; especially now, when the quarterbacks are being shuffled in and out of the game. In three games the Lions have used four different quarterbacks, three of them in one game alone. This inconsistency of playing time makes it hard to get used to playing in game situations when the team depends on you. The quarterback always gets scrutinized the most for everything wrong that happens to the team. Defense is what wins games, but if the quarterback cannot be a playmaker and put up some points, then the team still won't win. Coming off a 3-7 season, that is a lot of pressure on one quarterback, or four for that matter.
RL: Offensively, this is a tough one. No matter what position you play you're going to have trouble. I'd have to say running back, though. Despite the fact that the passing game has produced a paltry 50.5 yards per game and has been responsible for all of five first downs, the running backs are getting hammered. How does 1.8 rushing yards per attempt sound? I'm sure nothing pleases the defense more when you can't control the clock and give them a breather - I mean, who doesn't like pissing off defensive linemen? The best rushing statistic to tell the sad state of affairs? 222 rushing yards gained, yet 102 yards lost. That's the sound of opposing defenses readying the hot tub, because they're in for a treat playing against this running game.
VL: Even with my limited knowledge of the football team, I know that my answer is this: Ryan Ross. In our first two games this season, Ross has turned two kickoff returns into touchdowns (one of them for a whopping 95 yards!). Over two games, Ross' combined kickoff and punt returns and offensive drives have earned the Lions more yardage than all of the rest of the offense combined. So which position would I least like to play? I'd least like to be Ross; because if I, the clumsy 155-pound philosophy major, were to replace the Lions' team captain, Lions' football would have a serious problem.
PL: Even though it's a common perception that the kickers usually get the Rodney Dangerfield treatment, the real thankless positions are on the offensive line. Think about looking through your franchise's stats in a Madden video game. Quarterbacks have TD passes, defensive linemen have sacks, defensive backs have interceptions; all of these, very flashy statistics. Offensive linemen? The only two positive stats you'll see are games started and pancakes. What the heck is a pancake? I ate five pancakes for breakfast this morning; don't give me that crap.
RV: Quarterback takes the blame for everything, when he is, arguably, the most team-dependent player. We blame him for everything that goes wrong in the passing game - three points for Lauren. Pat gets two points for reminding us being on the offensive line is the only thing more humbling than letting me assign points to your responses - two points. Running backs are in dire straits at the College, I just feel that it's worse to be a semi-ignored position, or known for failure like any QB mistake - one point. Vegas proved he can read last week's Signal - zero.
3) The Flying Pineapples' Ultimate Frisbee team has suffered torn ACLs, massive amounts of stitches and various trips to the ER in the past year. Does this qualify it as the most intense sport at the College?
LK: Just because players get hurt often doesn't make the sport intense. Torn ACLs do not come from intense play; they come from not having strong enough muscles around your ACL, tendons and ligaments. I am not aware of what the stitches were needed for, nor the emergency room visits; however, I do know that it doesn't qualify them as the most intense sport. But it may be the most random sport for its unexpected happenings on the field. The most intense sport has to be ice hockey. If it is possible to have your hand sliced open by a steel blade just because you were trying to lift yourself up off the ice after getting checked into the boards by a 6-foot-5, 250-pound defenseman, it automatically qualifies it as the most intense sport ... although tennis does put up a good fight - that tennis elbow is a killer.
RL: Ultimate Frisbee - most intense sport? When you get crushed coming across the middle by a rogue safety because your quarterback left you hanging out to dry, we can talk. Look, every sport has injuries - it's the nature of the beast. I'm sure if you played croquet long enough you'd screw something up too. But football (and for that matter, many other sports) has brutality and violence ingrained into the essence of play. Every snap is a war in the trenches. Calling Ultimate Frisbee the most intense sport is like saying Sunday beer league softball is "hardcore" because you break a sweat. Cut me a break.
VL: I would gladly call our Ultimate Frisbee team the most intense sport at the College, but not because of their litany of injuries. Consider the names of some of the greatest college sports teams in the country: the Cornhuskers, Fighting Irish, Tar Heels, etc. These are not the bland animal names that you would find in a pee-wee baseball league. They're unique enough to be nationally recognizable, thus giving them the potential for greatness. Sometimes an obscure adjective is all that's needed to transform something generic into something renowned, like the Nittany Lions. The Flying Pineapples have dumped the status quo and taken a unique name, one that implies greatness. That, my friends, is intense.
PL: Probably, yes. And you know what, for all of their medical troubles, they probably enjoy winning more than any other team, at least non-varsity team, here at the College.
RV: Lauren is right; I jokingly overlooked most sports to ask this question, but hockey is amazingly intense - three points. Ray, violence isn't ingrained in their play? You obviously haven't played with them - two points. Pat, one point for conciseness. Vegas, no comment, just zero.
(09/20/06 12:00pm)
Dear Kayy,
There's this guy I met through a mutual friend about three months ago who I really like. Unfortunately, I think I screwed things up really early. The first time we hooked up, we had sex. It was within knowing each other for barely a week, and it was before I had feelings for him and assumed it would just be a one-night thing. If I had realized it would become more, I probably would have waited. Nonetheless, I didn't really think it was that big of a deal, until I wanted to get serious with him. Things just aren't going my way. We still hook up, and even though he admits he likes me, he skirts the issue of anything more serious.
About a week ago a friend told me he was extremely inexperienced before me, which made me feel like if anything, he would want a relationship even more. However, she told me that he was "weirded out" that I was willing to have sex so fast, and that he likes me but it just isn't going to be more than that.
Basically, I'm losing out on a great guy because people think I'm a slut. I tried explaining to him that that first night I really wasn't myself, but it doesn't seem to sink in.
I'm really pissed off and I don't think it makes any sense and I'm just about to give up - but I figured I'd give it one last shot and ask you what you think.
Am I a Slut?
Dear Am I a Slut?
People tend to over-generalize, to paint things in black and white, because it fits better in their pretty little heads. People are comfortable with black and white, with opposites. Gay/straight, good/evil, man/woman, rich/poor . and slut/virgin.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Reality.
Reality who?
The reality is that binaries do not exist! Binaries are ideas like slut/virgin that tend to cast people into one of two check boxes, when in actuality, most things exist on a continuum. One of my favorite teachers once said that sex is like food - everybody has different tastes. "Some people eat to live, and some people live to eat" (insert "do it" in place of "eat" and you get my point). We're not all anorexics or compulsive overeaters. Some people eat a lot, some people like variety and trying new exotic things, some people like to binge and some people like late-night snacks. These would generally be the people we call sluts.
When it comes to sexuality and most things in the real world, there is no strict positive and negative like on a battery, but thousands of little different things that people experience as human beings. To try and define somebody as either a sinner or a saint based on just a few things they've done is not only impractical, it's unfair - which is why I can't explain why we've been doing it for so long (to do so I would have to reteach a few gender studies and history classes in one page of The Signal).
I've already explained why it's impractical. And why is it unfair? Because women have been persecuted for exercising sexual freedom forever. We've been buying into myths about sexuality, and more specifically women's sexuality, since the beginning of modern times. It's more than unfair; it's dangerous.
For example, just to name a few women who were persecuted in the past and present: worshippers of Bacchus and goddess cults; victims of FGM (female genital mutilation); the so-called "witches" of Salem, Mass. and millions of others around the world; mid-wives who knew the "secrets" of childbirth; women who refused to marry, or did so and did not produce children; Edna Pontellier with her Awakening; women who wanted to leave the private sphere and become educated; Eve of Eden; women priests exiled by the Roman Catholic Church; women who are raped and then stoned to death; and Hester Prynne with her scarlet letter. These are all women who were branded, excommunicated, scorned or murdered for being different, for being progressive, for being human or for simply being themselves.
Women who don't live up to maternal, virtuous standards of living that only Mother Theresa could abide by are a threat to the order of things and must be silenced or worse (and who would want to live up to that? Yawn). There is a myth out there that if women abstain completely from sexual contact, they are virgins, pure, holy. If women "indulge their desires" or "give into temptation," they are sluts.
I'll give you one guess what I think about all this: Yup, that's right . bullshit.
You pose an interesting question. "Am I a Slut?" (I caught onto the "Sex and the City" reference, by the way). However, it is a loaded one. In order to answer your question, we would need a solid definition of the word "slut" which simply does not exist.
I looked up the word slut in Webster's today: "a dirty, slovenly woman" or "an immoral or dissolute woman; prostitute." Several things stand out to me about this - first of all is the fact that they use the word "woman." Isn't it funny how the word "man" is constantly used when referring to the whole friggin' human race ("That's one step for man, one giant leap for mankind") yet in a definition about sexual impurity, the word woman is used? That makes me suspicious.
d too many books on this topic, but when I read stuff like that I don't know whether to laugh or cry . especially when I take into account that whenever sexual activity is discussed by men or women of high, hyperheterosexual moral fiber, words like 'dirty,' 'filthy' and 'unclean' are used.
Women are often labeled as sluts for no reason at all. Being called a slut may have nothing to do with your sexual activity. You could simply have large breasts, hit puberty early, have been the victim of rumors or rape or you simply may be a minority or outsider in need of labeling. Often, slut fits the bill.
The solution? Unfortunately, there is none that I know of. I hope nobody only half-reads this article and goes around having sex with every person she meets, exclaiming "Kayy says it's OK!" - that's not my point. There are real dangers out there for people who have sex, especially when you have many partners and/or don't practice safe sex. Sex may not be as sacred and boring as many overzealous religious types claim, but it certainly can be serious. I'm not suggesting everybody release all of their inhibitions about sex - they're there for a reason.
All I'm asking is that people don't give into the hype. If your friend kisses someone she just met, don't call her a slut behind her back (especially since you're only doing it because you're jealous). Don't reinforce the double standard. Guys who get around are no more righteous or entitled to do so than women. Some of us women would like to sow our wild oats too (whatever the hell that means).
As for you, "Am I a Slut," stop beating yourself up. Want a better definition for slut than the one Webster gave me? It's a person who is in control of their sexuality. It's someone who engages in sex when and where she wants, and with whom she wants. A slut is someone who isn't about to let uptight, unnecessary social taboos stifle her desires, whether it comes to sex or any other part of her life.
A slut is scary to an all-too-masculine male (ahem, your dude) - he's supposed to be in control of the situation, and he's supposed to decide what you want . or at least suggest it. I'm not going to totally dis him. There can be several reasons why he's afraid to get serious. He's inexperienced, so he's probably freaked out that you know more than him (Gasp! The horror!). He could be shy. He could simply not be looking for a relationship right now, and because hookups without the hassles are attractive to many men and women, he might just really like the way things are now.
He obviously likes your bod and personality, or else he wouldn't still be calling you. He obviously trusts you because he's experienced a lot of "first" things with you. He obviously doesn't think you're dirty, or "slovenly" because who thinks that's sexy? You may have moved fast with him, but whatever. People make mistakes. You're not quite a prostitute because you got a little too excited. And don't give me that "it wasn't me" crap, because it was you (I'm hoping that you were sober)!
Either way, if he's freaked out by your sexual prowess or simply not down to get attached, he's not worth your time. You've tried to communicate with him and he's either ignored you or denied you. That's crap. By all means, let the emotionless hookups commence, but if it bothers you (which it seems to), you should cut him loose.
If what you want is a relationship, you can find it in someone else who likes all of you and is turned on by your experience and/or desire to frequently go at it. Trust me, you will find him (or her). I wouldn't suggest getting busy too soon, because confusion, distress and other emotions may run high when you get physical without getting emotional. Remember - without discussing how you feel or where you want things to go, somebody will always end up disappointed. Do me a favor, and be careful with boys' hearts - they're just as fragile as your own.
Cheers to the slut in all of us,
Kayy
(09/20/06 12:00pm)
Support higher ed. in fall elections
The Sept. 16 issue of The New York Times had an excellent editorial titled "Killing Off the American Future."
The piece notes the key role played by affordable, accessible public higher education in the success of our country but expresses concern over recent funding trends and the future ability of our country to compete in a globalized world.
Here at the College we are beginning to have firsthand experience in seeing the results of the severe budget reductions enacted by New Jersey's politicians.
There is no reason to think that such actions won't have a major impact, not only in New Jersey but also across our country. Unlike many other states and countries that are allocating more of their resources on public higher education, New Jersey is cutting back on state support.
Asking students to pay more tuition each year and employees to do more work for less pay is not the way to solve systemic problems.
The elections this fall provide the perfect opportunity for us to send a message to our representatives on State Street that supporting public higher education and making New Jersey public colleges appealing to high-achieving students is in the best long-term interests of our state.
It is up to all of us to let our legislators know how we feel about this and other important issues. Everyone needs to get involved!
Ralph Edelbach,
president,
The College of New Jersey federation of teachers
Angry comic critic is full of it
This is written in response to the letter that appeared in the Sept. 13 issue of The Signal criticizing the newspaper's comics.
While we understand your discontent at the current state of the comics in The Signal, we believe your approach towards fixing the problem is slightly flawed.
You suggest you will "shove a dull crayon up (your) ass and squat over a piece of paper, and come up with something more coherent and amusing" than the aforementioned comics.
While crayons are known to be non-toxic, their suggested use generally doesn't involve the anus.
Creativity is to be admired, but perhaps your approach is a bit too creative. Instead, we suggest you channel your creative energy into actually creating a comic that is better than those featured in The Signal.
Another inherent flaw in your argument has to do with the following promise: "I will gladly plant a steamy shit right in the middle of every newspaper printed."
Unless you have a documented medical condition such as irritable bowel syndrome, it is physically impossible to produce enough fecal matter to meet the demand you have set for yourself.
According to plumbingsupply.com, the average person "defecates some seven pounds per day." According to this statistic, you would not be able to fulfill your promise to the campus.
Another problem with your solution to the comic problem is the threat of disease.
We would much rather suffer a crappy (no pun intended) comic occasionally than run the risk of death from dysentery.
To conclude, maybe you should put your money where your mouth, or in this case, anus, is. Draw a comic better than those you complained about, or don't complain.
Patrick Bieger and Lisa Rosenow
Religion interferes in 9/11 memorial
The 11th of September is a day spent in reflection and remembrance of those who innocently lost their lives five years ago.
The College's Student Government Association (SGA) usually holds a memorial on the steps of Loser Hall with various speakers who say a few words to express how they feel.
Every year that I have been to the memorial, they have had a religious figure uttering phrases such as "let us thank the heavenly Father," "let us bow our heads to pray" and "Lord, hear our prayer."
Phrases such as these are improper to be said at an event sponsored by SGA at a public institution, especially one which encompasses students with many different beliefs and backgrounds.
SGA should be more mindful about who it invites to speak at such a sensitive event and acknowledge the fact that there are students on campus of other faiths, or no faith at all.
It is more suitable to have a moment of silence which everyone can take part in rather than a moment of prayer.
After all, students seeking comfort should not have to leave a memorial feeling offended and uncomfortable.
Khushbu Patel
(09/20/06 12:00pm)
We've been suffering from an upset stomach here at The Signal this week as we continue to look into the policies and practices of the College's contracted food service provider Sodexho. It's a symptom that seems to crop up once every few months.
We first noticed it in Fall 2004 when Sodexho implemented its Carte Blanche program to an outbreak of widespread student unrest.
It came back stronger than even at the beginning of last year when the
College announced that it had extended its contract with the company - during the course of the summer, of course, while we were all on vacation - for two years without the input of the Student Government Association.
And now we are troubled by the imprecise nature of Sodexho's nutritional information, information that informs us that for every six ounce serving of Sodexho macaroni and cheese we eat, we are also ingesting 30 grams of fat and 510 calories.
Oh, and here's so more food for thought: there are 28.3 grams in an ounce. So each six-ounce serving of that sweet mac is about a sixth fat.
But this isn't a problem for good ole' Sodexho, because they don't have
to comply with nutritional guidelines maintained by the Food and Drug Administration. Its guidelines are internally created and monitored by the College's own office of Auxiliary Services, an office that, according to our research, does not employ any dietitians or nutritionists.
In fact, in order to determine the nutritional equivalencies between Sodexho food and fast food, we had to convert 2.6 ounces of Sodexho fries to three ounces of McDonald's fries.
Our intention in covering a story about Sodexho was not to sensationalize or demonize. However, the company does not seem willing to recognize the grave disservice it is doing to the campus by not explaining how it determines its food's nutritional value.
Shortly after we began investigating the story, nutritional information cards in Eickhoff Dining Hall were taken down and some doors to the kitchens, which are normally left open, were closed.
Any attempts we made to get certainly information from the College and Sodexho - for example the contract between the two parties - were rebuked, and on the occasions when information was made available to us, the responses we received were dodgy and vague at best.
What we aimed for in published this story was not scandal, but truth. And truth, though our story managed only to show part of a larger still-veiled whole, seems to be something that Sodexho is unwilling to face.
So thank you, Sodexho, for causing yet another upset stomach on this campus.
(09/13/06 12:00pm)
Dear Kayy,
I'm 20 years old, and I'm not a virgin, but sex hurts sometimes. I've been having sex (though not consistently) for two years now. When I first started sleeping with my current boyfriend of one year, the sex was fine. Well, better than fine, and it certainly wasn't painful. Somewhere around four months ago, we started having problems. At first it was just a little discomfort now and then, but now it's more frequent and sometimes too painful to continue. Sometimes right before he's about to go in, I tense up so much because I'm anticipating the pain, and he can't even get in. He's always very understanding and never asks me to keep trying, but I'm pissed! Our sex used to be really hot and now it's almost non-existent. I've thought about going to a gynecologist but I don't want my mom to know I'm having sex.
Any advice?
Ms. I-Miss-Good-Sex
Dear Ms. I-Miss-Good-Sex,
You (and all other women who are 18 or sexually active) should be seeing a gynecologist! I can't even count how many of my friends are over age 20 and have had well over 10 sexual partners, but they still have yet to make the dreaded appointment. I hear the same lame excuses all the time: "I heard it's painful," "It's OK, I use a condom every time," "I don't want anyone touching my vagina with those cold metal things!" etc.
And of course, the mother of all excuses: "But if my dad finds out, he'll kill my boyfriend!"
The fact of the matter is, going to see the gynecologist is not just about sex, it's about health. Just because you practice safe sex doesn't mean you're totally safe. Even if you're using condoms, you can still contract HPV (human papilloma virus), which, if you've been watching daytime TV lately, you should already know can cause ovarian cancer and/or make you infertile if it goes unchecked and untreated.
Even if you've only had sex once or you're a virgin, there are still plenty of disorders, diseases and cancers you may have and not even realize. OK, I know I'm probably scaring the crap out of you right now. But I tend to get on a soapbox when it comes to this topic. Maybe it's because my mom dragged me to her OB/GYN at age 15, or maybe it's because I know people who developed breast cancer in their early 20s. All I know is, you gotta suck it up and do what's right for your body regardless of the parental consequences (you said you're 20, right? What, is your mom in denial?!).
Now that I got that burning diatribe off of my chest, I'll focus on your specific problem.
The fact of the matter is, there could be multiple reasons for your problem, which is why first and foremost you should make an appointment with your gyno. I can't give you the answer based on the information you gave me and I don't do personal examinations (sorry to disappoint you).
But, if you promise to visit the Planned Parenthood on campus or your doctor at home, I'll give you some hints as to what your problem could be.
If you are experiencing itching, burning, hypersensitivity and redness, your problem could be as simple as a yeast infection, and the symptoms can be eased by over-the-counter products. However, the infection needs medication that you can get from your doctor.
If you feel a dull ache even when you're not having sex that is heightened during your period, and you feel sharp pain during penetration, it could be a cyst. Most clear up in a few months and are harmless, but you should ask your gyno to do an ultrasound to make sure it's not something more dangerous.
Your problem could be as simple as vaginal dryness if thrusting is painful and irritating, which is very easily solved - teach your partner some new tricks to make sure you're ready for penetration, and lube it up.
All-over pain that encompasses your entire abdomen during sex, after sex or when you're not having sex at all could be endometriosis, which occurs when uterine tissue attaches to organs in the pelvis. This is a disease that affects a small percent of women but can cause infertility, so if you have these symptoms definitely tell your gynecologist.
I'm pretty sure you're not extremely freaked out, which you shouldn't be. All the scary stuff I'm spouting aside, it could simply be a blocked gland or a UTI (urinary tract infection). If you experience aching and a frequent urge to urinate, this could be your problem, and is simply treated by antibiotics prescribed by your doctor.
Your problem can also be a number of other things, which is why you have to see a doctor - and if you go on campus, your parents don't even have to know. You know what they say - loose lips cancel spring break trips to Cancun. But I assure you, the only people with tighter lips than gynecologists are priests hearing confessions. OK, scratch that, priests do squeal sometimes. But mum is the only word your OB/GYN will know when your mum calls her or him up.
Everything that goes on in that room is 100 percent confidential. My mom tried arranging an appointment for a procedure I was going to have, and they refused to talk to her! A little ridiculous considering she knew all about it and I tell her everything (I know, poor woman), but they still wouldn't budge. So have no fear.
And ask questions! If you have no clue what she or he is about to do to you, ask before they go near the speculum. If you don't understand the vagina jargon, ask what the hell a colposcopy is before you get into the examination room (trust me on that one) so you are physically and emotionally prepared.
Lastly, relax. I know that might sound funny after my list of dysfunctions and diseases, but I mean it. It actually could be literally nothing! Vaginismus, a condition I learned about from good ole' Dr. Ruth, is more psychological than anything. A woman can get so nervous and bent out of shape about having sex that she subconsciously tightens up her vaginal muscles so that her partner can only get in a little bit, if at all.
And by the way - I'm glad to hear that you can openly communicate with your partner about your sexual issues and concerns. I mean, if you can't talk about what you're doing in bed, then you probably shouldn't be doing it (another one of my fabulous golden rules). Continue to be open and honest in the future. It will enhance your emotional relationship as well as your sexcapades.
Mad love for the gynos,
Kayy
(09/13/06 12:00pm)
Pasternack should move on
We both appreciated the article, "Students may pay in Pasternack lawsuit" from the Sept. 6 issue of The Signal. That being said, we would also like to elaborate on this matter.
We have each been "busted" by both campus and local cops for drinking underage. And when that happens, the most you can do is suck it up and let it go.
Mr. Pasternack, according to your quote in an article in the Aug. 30 issue of The Signal, you say that your dismissal would "disenfranchise the students of the College to elect representatives to SGA."
The only disenfranchisement has been committed by you, Mr. Pasternack. Those who indeed voted for you were sold out for a single night of partying and underage drinking.
You should be ashamed and resign yourself to disgrace and defeat. We believe Christine Cullen, the elected executive vice president, will be an amazing executive president, and, despite your comments, that is why she was elected for this position.
Your time is somewhat appreciated, because we know it is costing us (a.k.a. the student body) to have you read this, as we are sure your lawyer is at your side. It is funny, because at best this lawsuit will be settled (out of court) after you even graduate. Good luck serving the student body while you are not a part of it.
Paul Carcich and Kevin Shields
Jesus is just all right with Lee
This letter is a response to Scott Blair's piece, "War in Iraq contradicts Jesus' Words" from the Sept. 6 issue of The Signal. Mr. Blair's assertion that the War in Iraq is contrary to Biblical teachings is misguided and unfortunate.
I will leave aside most of the criticism about the left's failure to understand the struggle in which we are engaged and the nature of our enemy, though these things are made abundantly clear by Mr. Blair's column.
First of all, we live in a nation that, while guided by Christian tradition and protected by Providence, is not a seat of Christendom, but rather based on the sanctity of the Constitution. (It is worth noting that this is unlike Islam, under which the state is God's kingdom, and all Islam is one state - a Quranic notion that extremists have used to advance their ideologies of terror. Although this notion has been weakened in recent centuries, one need only look at the sacred writings and the tradition of the Caliphate.)
Is it not possible to have different rules of conduct for individuals and states?
Democrats like Mr. Blair approve this all the time: The state is allowed to seize the assets of private citizens (taxes) and possess arms prohibited to the populace (all firearms if some liberals have their way). The same fallacious analogy attempted to say that Jesus supported socialism.
Books could be (and probably have been) written about the issue, but let it suffice for this letter that there is a difference between a command to give to the poor and saying the government should (or can) seize private assets and redistribute them.
The injunctions to turn the other cheek and love your enemies are personal injunctions. Christ does not suggest that the Romans simply let the Barbarian hordes take control.
His command to "Render therefore to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's" (Luke 20:25) suggests that the affairs of a nation are not to be conflated with the affairs of the individual.
This does not mean that a nation cannot be built on Christian principles. But it also does not mean that a nation cannot defend itself. Mr. Blair's argument would imply that Christians should have opposed the struggle against Nazi Germany!
Secondly, Jesus was not simply surrendering to his earthly captors because he abhors violence. He surrendered because He was sent to this planet for that primary purpose: to willfully die on the cross, and, crucially, to rise again in triumph over sin and death (Hallelujah!).
Another oversight Mr. Blair makes is fairly common to those who have only a topical understanding of Christianity: This is the fact that Jesus is God, the God of the universe, creator and preserver, the Alpha and Omega.
A cursory glance at the Old Testament will show that God certainly has no aversion to war. Jesus did bring a new order along with the new covenant in His blood. But this does not mean that God changed His mind about the matter.
It might be said that the Old Testament wars were of God's people against outsiders and infidels, of sorts. The glory and wonder of Christ's mission is that "at that time you were without Christ, being aliens from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers from the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ" (Ephesians 2:12-13).
It is true that Jesus was not sent as a political or martial leader (again in stark contrast to the prophet of Islam), but as a spiritual leader. And this is why He enjoins His disciples with this: "Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword" (Matthew 10:34).
S. Lee Whitesell II
New swipe policy is ineffective
Is anyone really being fooled by this new 24-hour swipe policy? It seems obvious to me that the administration felt like it needed some tangible policy to counter the outlandish claims that it was negligent concerning campus security.
Instead of taking the time to establish a worthwhile and effective solution, however, the powers that be quickly opted for a cheap alternative and rushed this superficial 24-hour swipe policy into effect.
I mean, if an individual wants to enter a dorm, all he or she has to do is wait for the never-ending flow of students in and out of the dormitories.
I understand the school must be undergoing substantial pressure with a possible lawsuit from John Fiocco's parents, but 24-hour swipe, to put it simply, is useless.
The only thing it seems efficient in doing is annoying me when I now have to adjust all the books I'm carrying just to retrieve my ID card from my pocket. Eating in Eickhoff should never have to be this challenging.
Anthony Vita
Flush the crappy comics
Can someone explain to me who in their right mind thinks the comics in The Signal are even remotely amusing? I don't even think they can be considered comics; I could shove a dull crayon up my ass and squat over a piece of paper and come up with something more coherent and amusing than what this newspaper passes off as a comic.
Who the fuck finds these things amusing? Is there some demographic that I must have missed? I didn't know we had a large population of bumbling retards at this school.
It's bad enough that the entire paper is mindless drivel centered around the fleeting hope that one day your poorly written article on the lack of toilet paper in the residence halls will garner you fame and fortune.
Get rid of the fucking comic section until someone with some semblance of intelligence and wit replaces the shuffling jizmop that makes the current comics.
The only time I ever read the comic section is when I am constipated because whenever I see those piss poor scribbles you pass off as drawings I get a terrible case of diarrhea.
If you don't know what to do with the empty space without those comics, I will gladly plant a steamy shit right in the middle of every newspaper printed. Consider it me giving back to the campus.
Andrew Spada
(09/13/06 12:00pm)
Thom Yorke
"The Eraser"
3.5 out of 5 stars
Ever since Radiohead burst onto the scene in the mid-90s with their hit-single "Creep," Thom Yorke, the band's enigmatic front man, has been a favorite among fans of "smart rock."
Yorke recently took a sabbatical from Radiohead's haunting sound to release a nine-track experimental/electronic disc titled "The Eraser."
While this is a solo album, Yorke has no problem acknowledging his band's influence throughout the CD. Yorke and Radiohead guitarist Johnnie Greenwood compiled several unused tracks from Radiohead's previous albums, including "The Eraser's" title track.
The album's single "Black Swan" does manage to detour somewhat from Yorke's previous work with Radiohead.
Yorke puts a muzzle on his dynamic voice and employs a crooning humdrum vocal pattern that meshes nicely with the song's melancholy rainy-day sound.
Toward the end of the CD, Yorke returns to the political analysis that helped put Radiohead on the map.
"Harrowdown Hill" was written about the late David Kelly, a former employee of the British Ministry of Defense who was found dead after being accused by the Blair administration of discussing confidential government matters. Yorke has been quoted as saying it was the angriest song he ever wrote.
"The Eraser" is part acid trip soundtrack and part self-important indie rock. In either case, Yorke's semi-reinvention should appease most Radiohead fans.
Best Tracks: "The Clock," "Black Swan," "Harrowdown Hill," "The Eraser"
- James Queally,
Arts & Entertainment Assistant
Roman Candle
"The Wee Hours Revue"
4.5 out of 5 stars
It's a phenomenon that's becoming rarer and rarer in the era of MTV and single-determined radio, but every once in a while an album comes along that just blows you away from start to finish.
Not only has the North Carolina-based band crafted such a record, but they've done it on their first try.
Riding the line between alt-country and indie-rock, the album is a collective of rootsy country-influenced rock that features hooky choruses and reflective lyrics.
Reminiscent of some of Ryan Adam's better moments, this is just a damn catchy album, folks. If this doesn't make my top 10 list come year's end, then it will have been a damn good year in music!
Key Tracks: "Something Left to Say," "You Don't Belong to the World," "Another Summer"
Dirty Pretty Things
"Waterloo to Anywhere"
4 out of 5 stars
When the rest of the Libertines kicked guitarist and co-frontman Pete Doherty out of the band due to his destructive drug and law problems, fans and critics alike both wrote off the group as finished.
And consequently they were done.
Doherty kept going with his new (and terribly disappointing) group Babyshambles.
But what do we have here?
Co-frontmen Carl Barat and Gary Powell struck out on their own forming the band Dirty Pretty Things, quite possibly debunking the myth that it was Doherty who was the most talented member of the group.
Whereas Babyshambles lived up to their name, Dirty Pretty Things has put together a set of concise songs that recall the nitty-gritty charm of the first Libertines record.
The stomping, mod-punk that the Libertines did so well on their first album (and not so well on the second) is alive and vibrant.
It stands as testament that Barat was perhaps the talented one and not Doherty.
Nevertheless, check this out, it's quite good indeed.
Key Tracks: "Wondering," "Bang Bang You're Dead," "Last of the Small Town Playboys"
Ima Robot
"Monument to the Masses"
3.5 out of 5 stars
Here's a story for the kids!
Way back in 2003 with those six words, the band Ima Robot burst onto the scene and immediately caused a whole bunch of people to wonder what the hell they were.
Using every tool available to me in Lester Bangs' musical dictionary, the best way to describe them was as jittery new wave art-punk.
However, if there was a music genre called "spastic" Ima Robot would be its poster child.
Lead singer Alex Ebert's nasally vocal delivery is terribly recognizable to even the most casual of observers.
Meanwhile the songs, just as on their last record, are at times more sugary than a pixie stick. Nevertheless they are good, hook-filled pop tunes.
The only downside to this record is that it doesn't seem quite as instantly catchy on first listen as its predecessor, but it's still good despite that.
But nobody will probably ever understand the mindset of this band.
Key Tracks: "Creeps Me Out," "The Beat," "Cool Cool Universe"
Basement Jaxx
"Crazy Itch Radio"
3 out of 5 stars
On a new label, the production duo of Simon Ratcliffe and Felix Buxton, along with vocalist Corrine Josephs, aka Basement Jaxx, has returned with its first new album since 2003's "Kish Kash."
This album isn't too different from the house-influenced dance-pop they have produced in the past.
There are a few instances on the album where a few of the songs are actually held back by an overabundance of production canoodling.
It's a good dance record like all three of the group's prior albums, though I doubt it will have the crossover appeal of "Kish Kash."
Key Track: "Hush Boy"
Paris Hilton
"Paris"
1 out of 5 stars
This sucks. Period.
Key Tracks: None
- Chris Kubak,
WTSR Music Director
(09/13/06 12:00pm)
Christine Cullen, SGA executive president, reads the poem "The Names" by Billy Collins during the College's Sept. 11 Memorial held outside Loser Hall. Other speakers included College President R. Barbara Gitenstein and Father Joe Hlbunik of Campus Catholic Ministries.
(09/06/06 12:00pm)
NEW YORK (AP) - When a wooden politician delivers the best line of the MTV Video Music Awards (VMAs), you know the thrill is gone.
So was the decadence, outrageousness and spontaneity that used to make the VMAs such a guilty pleasure.
James Blunt and Gnarls Barkley each took home two awards Thursday night.
Pink's parody of bubble-headed pop tarts, "Stupid Girls," won for best pop video, Beyonc? took home the best R&B video trophy for her booty-shaking "Check On It" and Fall Out Boy won the viewer's choice award for "Dance Dance."
But nobody except a video choreographer's mother watches this show for the awards.
Fans watch for the FCC-flouting skits, foul-mouthed speeches and those embarrassingly bad dance numbers.
They do not watch for lectures from former Vice President Al Gore on global warming. When does the phrase "here's a photo of a glacier melting" ever fit into an awards show?
Somewhere along the way, the MTV Awards seemed to have morphed into the Grammys.
"This show has been lame farts for the past 20 years," Jack Black said before he took the stage for his opening sketch. "And I'm going to light the match!"
Instead, Black continued a trend. In the opening sequence, he had a promising bit that poked fun at the show's increasingly staid reputation.
Painting himself as the man to inject life back into the VMAs, he took to the stage in a moon man outfit, which caught fire.
But Black's shtick quickly got old. "You didn't bring the thunder. You didn't bring anything," he said during one skit, looking at himself in his dressing room mirror and unintentionally summing up the evening.
Even Lil' Kim failed to get the party started. Recently released from prison after serving time for perjury, she stripped off an orange jail suit to reveal . something that resembled a funky business suit. Hillary Clinton has worn more revealing outfits.
The only unscripted moment of mayhem came when some unidentified person crashed the acceptance speech of Panic! At the Disco, who won video of the year for "I Write Sins Not Tragedies."
Before any group member got to say a word, the crasher took the mic, giving shout outs to rapper Remy Ma and saying, "MTV never gave me my own show!" before making way for the winners.
Christina Aguilera, who previously shocked our senses as the dirty Xtina, looked downright classy as she performed a low-key ballad.
Ludacris and Pharrell posed their way through "Showstopper."
Not even Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, who appeared via videotape, could strike a spark.
There was just one profanity-laced acceptance speech, courtesy of the rock group All-American Rejects, whose frontman accepted the award for best group video by saying: "We just won a moon man - I am getting so trashed tonight!"
The lack of outrageousness almost made you long for the days when Michael Jackson was making out with Lisa Marie Presley - that was creepy, but at least it kept viewers talking.
Beyonc? got some points for at least trying to deliver a show-stopper. Singing her call-to-arms, the anti-cheating single "Ring the Alarm," she appeared wearing a sexy trench coat and a searing gaze.
While her voice was in perfect form, the performance was disjointed, and the out-of-place dance number in the middle seemed to steal the choreography from Janet Jackson's "Rhythm Nation" almost 20 years earlier.
At one point, the crew from the MTV grossout show "Jackass" gave one of its members an electric shock.
If only they could have delivered a similar jolt to the whole show.
(09/06/06 12:00pm)
All College Theatre (ACT)
Last year featured sophomoric spins on one of Shakespeare's finest works, a murder mystery with meatballs and a poignant rendition of one of America's most important plays.
After all that, you would think the members of ACT would rest on their laurels.
You thought wrong.
Mere hours after upperclassmen bid farewell to their summer sabbaticals and returned to the College, ACT member Patrick Lavery, sophomore communication studies major, spilled the proverbial beans in regard to the acting group's fall semester plans.
The ACT fall production is "Tartuffe," written by Moli?re and will be directed by Janet Quartarone.
Auditions are Sept. 6 and 7, and the show runs Oct. 10-14 in the Don Evans Black Box Theatre.
ACT's general meetings are Wednesdays at 2 p.m. in Kendall Hall.
"We are also doing the 'Evening of One-Acts' . like last year," Lavery said.
For those who don't know (here's looking at you, freshmen), ACT's "Evening of One-Acts" is a fun-filled series of half-hour plays.
Last year, the bill ran the gamut from a hectic spin on Eugene Ionecso's "The Blind Soprano" to a student-directed piece about the Greek god Zeus' dysfunctional family.
With an amiable menu of shows that dance between the defining lines of artistic literature and just plain fun, ACT is sure to entice your dramatic palate at some point this year.
- James Queally,
Arts & Entertainment Assistant
College Union Board (CUB)
CUB, provider of concerts, movies and off-campus trips, will not disappoint this semester, with an already brimming events calendar.
Tara Conte, director of CUB, says CUB has added a new series of events called "Nooners."
Nooners will take place monthly in the Brower Student Center atrium, beginning around 11:30 a.m., during the lunch break.
Nooners will have several activities, including "Movie Madness," in which students are superimposed into their favorite movies. The first Nooner will be held Monday, Sept. 25.
"We want to reach out to the large amount of students who might frequent the student center during their day, including commuter students," she said.
Conte said that, just as in previous semesters, CUB will continue holding the free weekly film series every Saturday night in the Travers/Wolfe Main Lounge.
There will be two showings of each movie - the first at 8 p.m. and the second starting at either 10 p.m. or 11 p.m. depending on movie length.
Some titles include "The Break-Up" on Sept. 9, "Miami Vice" on Oct. 21 and "Clerks 2" on Nov. 11.
CUB will also sponsor bus trips throughout the semester.
These include a trip to New York City to see the Broadway play "The Wedding Singer," starring comedian Stephen Lynch, who performed at the College in the Fall 2005 semester.
Details for buying tickets will be publicized in upcoming weeks.
CUB plans on having three other bus trips as well, including a Halloween-themed event in October.
Conte said the board is also attempting to plan a concert for this semester, to be held in late November.
CUB's general board meetings are at 3 p.m. on Wednesdays and are held, for the time being, in room P101 in the Science Complex.
This is just a sampling of the many events CUB has planned for the semester, so keep an eye out for the many other programs being offered!
- Candida DeFonseca,
Arts & Entertainment Editor
TCNJ Musical Theatre
TCNJ Musical Theatre, formerly known as Opera Theatre, is looking forward to an exciting year.
The group's first entirely student-run production, "You're A Good Man Charlie Brown," is set to debut on Nov. 29.
According to company vice president Naomi Rutz, TCNJ Musical Theatre is looking to "provide learning experiences concerning the running of a full-fledged musical production."
Students will gain experience working with props, costumes, lighting, sound, acting and directing.
Auditions for "You're A Good Man Charlie Brown" will be held on Sept. 12 and 13. General group meetings are held on Wednesdays at 4 p.m. in the Music Building chorus room.
For more information about TCNJ Musical Theatre, either visit the company's Facebook.com group or e-mail TMT@tcnj.edu.
- Allison Singer, Staff Writer
WTSR
"Open Your Mind" and open your ears. The College's campus radio station, 91.3 WTSR, is looking for dedicated students to join the team for the new school year.
"This is a rebuilding year for WTSR," program director Danielle Tararuj said.
"We are specifically looking for freshmen and sophomores to get involved so the station will keep thriving after we seniors graduate," Tararuj said.
Established in 1966, WTSR has been providing Ewing, Trenton and the upper Bucks County, Pa., area with news and entertainment for the last 40 years.
WTSR does this most noticeably with the station's wide selection of undiscovered music.
"WTSR is well respected in the music community," music director Chris Kubak said. "We have a reputation as one of the top college radio stations in the United States and have helped to jump-start the careers of many of today's notable artists."
Students can contribute on-air by reading news and broadcasting sporting events.
They can also assist off the air by creating advertisements and working on the production aspects of the station.
WTSR's general interest meeting is on Sunday, Sept. 10 at 7 p.m. in the Kendall Hall television studio.
More information can be found at wtsr.org.
- Allison Singer, Staff Writer
(09/06/06 12:00pm)
(AP)-Philadelphia Phillies first baseman Ryan Howard homered in his first three at-bats of Philadelphia's doubleheader split against the Atlanta Braves on Sunday, and St. Louis Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols matched the feat in the Cardinals' 6-3 win over Pittsburgh.
It marked the first time two players homered in their first three plate appearances on the same day since Johnny Bench and Orlando Cepeda on July 26, 1970.
"I'm sure a day like today is going to be one of those days where I wake up and am like, 'Did that really happen?'" Howard said after the Phillies won the opener 8-7.
Howard, who connected three times off Braves starter Tim Hudson, leads the major leagues with 53 homers and 134 RBIs as of Sept. 4. His 50th homer was a solo shot in the second inning, and he followed with a two-run drive in the third. His third homer was an opposite-field, solo shot to left in the sixth that made it 6-1.
Pujols connected with the bases empty in the first and hit two-run drives in the third and fifth, all off Pirates starter Ian Snell. It was his third three-homer game, his second of the season, and with 42 homers he reached the 40-mark for the fourth straight season. Pujols said he never tries to hit homers.
"Was I trying to hit the first one, the second one, the third one?" Pujols said. "No, I just try to have good at-bats. Like I say, it's not about me, it's about my team."
(09/06/06 12:00pm)
Dear Kayy,
My girlfriend is crazy jealous and it's killing me! We've been together for over a year, and I'd say we have a pretty healthy relationship. We practically never fight; we're that nauseatingly cute couple that everyone can't stand. But as soon as she sees me talking closely with another girl at a party, or I mention I talked to an ex online or something like that, she flips out. She either cries and makes me feel like a horrible boyfriend, or she yells at me and makes wild accusations. I've never cheated on her and never plan on it. I constantly tell her how much I love her and want to marry her, and it's just not enough. It's rare we get into these fights, but when we do they totally bring me down. I just don't understand why she's so jealous, and why she doesn't believe me when I tell her she's the only one. Any help would be great.
Confused Guy
Dear Confused Guy,
First off, jealousy sucks. Secondly, it is completely natural and unavoidable - in moderation. It is understandable to feel that little pit in the back of your stomach when you see the person you love seemingly flirting with someone else, or talking incessantly about an old flame in a positive light.
It's easy to get jealous when you care a lot about someone and want them all to yourself. But that is no excuse to be a crazy person! Letting your emotions (whether it be jealousy, anger or anything else) get the best of you and tear apart your relationship is unhealthy.
When your girlfriend displays distrust, she is only weakening the relationship that she fears is being ruined by your supposed infidelity.
When she starts the wild accusations, take her to a more secluded place where you can try to talk calmly about the situation. Ask her what made her angry, listen attentively and let her finish before you start talking.
If you keep interrupting her, what you say will look more like guilty excuses than honest explanations. Validate her feelings and try to make her see it was harmless.
Okay, don't get defensive as I continue with this part, but . you should try and think about the things you do that make her jealous. You definitely do not deserve to be cursed out in public or made a fool of, but in order to fix this problem both of you have to work at it.
You told me you want to marry this girl, and that you tell her that when she's acting irrational. That's all good and fine, but actions speak louder than words, my friend.
If you are telling her those things, but are constantly flirting with other girls in her presence, it would be kinda hard for her to believe it. So, here's some advice for the people whose partners are constantly jealous:
Don't put yourself into compromising situations. If you know your partner is right in the other room, don't walk up to your ex and start talking about the weather or more intimate things. This may cause a whirlwind of emotions.
Avoid gushing over other people. "Jane used to do this awesome thing with her tongue." or "Did you see John? He lost so much weight! He's such a ladies man." or "This one time, David took me into the city and we went on a horse and buggy ride, it was so romantic." Statements like this make it seem like you're not over this person, or that your present partner just isn't cutting it.
Another important thing to remember is that people who you consider buddies or pals may be seen as threats by your partner. Although this assumption may seem totally off the wall to you, I need to reference the best scene in one of my favorite movies, "When Harry Met Sally:"
Harry: What I'm saying is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them too.
What can you do? Introduce your partner as your girlfriend/boyfriend to your friends, so your partner at least knows who you're hanging out with and isn't left in the dark.
Be honest about things - if a current friend is an old hookup or an ex, admit it but spare the details (that's just painful). When you're hanging out separately one night, let her know your plans and call when you get in so she's not left wondering where the night took you.
Lastly and very importantly, pay attention to red flags. No matter how long you've been together, if your girlfriend is being possessive, this could be foreshadowing violence or abuse further down the line.
Intense jealousy does not prove that you really love someone, and anyone who says it does is in an unhealthy relationship.
If the jealousy reaches abusive levels, or violence or stalking is involved, get help! (Like at the office of Anti-Violence Initiatives in Campus Wellness - you can find information on the College's Web site.)
You may really love this woman, but you should take care of yourself and your safety first. Be safe and I hope you work things out!
Love,
Kayy
Here's Kayy's quickie quiz to determine if you are dating an overly jealous person:
When you spend the day at a family party, your partner:
1. Calls over and over again until the call is returned, and then calls back five minutes later asking if you could leave early
2. Maybe sends a text message to say "Hi" and asks to call later when you're free
3. Hangs out with her/his friends and doesn't make an attempt to contact you
When you mention that you saw an ex-hookup or former girlfriend/boyfriend on campus, your partner:
1. Gets angry and accuses you of creeping behind her/his back
2. Asks what you talked about and asked if she/he is seeing anybody new
3. Nods her/his head and continues to listen to her/his iPod
You're at a bar/party/social event and while your partner is in the bathroom, somebody starts chatting you up. Your partner's reaction:
1. Makes a scene, insults you and/or the person you're talking to, and storms away
2. Walks up, joins the conversation and politely makes it clear that you're together
3. Goes and finds somebody else to talk to so that you have to track her/him down hours later
Count up the points. Between 1 and 3 suggests a highly jealous person who may or may not be an abusive partner in an unhealthy relationship. A score between 4 and 6 suggests your partner manages her/his emotions in a healthy manner. And if your score is higher than a 7 . she/he is just not that into you.
(09/06/06 12:00pm)
We are happy, as usual, to see the College ranking highly in U.S. News & World Report and Barron's Profile of American Colleges. It's a welcome change from most of the College's 150-year history.
From its humble beginnings in 1855, the College has been a gloss-over, a small blip on the national educational radar noticed mostly by New Jersey natives seeking training as teachers. But slowly, since the 1966 passage of the state's Higher Education Act allowing the school to expand its curriculum into fields other than education, the College has established itself as a well-rounded institution and has started to attract a broader cross section of students.
But it is really in the last decade that the College (be it the 'Trenton State' or the 'of New Jersey' variety) has started standing its ground among colleges across the country.
Since 2005, we have been included among the 75 'Most Competitive' schools in the country by Barron's Profiles of American Colleges. For the 2007 rankings, the College was among five public schools included on the list.
More impressive, for the fifteenth consecutive year the College was ranked among the top master's degree schools in the northern region in U.S. News & World Report. We ranked fifth, the highest public school on the list of 83 institutions.
In short, we've gotten a lot of ink.
But there was one area in our U.S. News & World Report profile where the College seemed to be at a noticeable deficit. Among our peers in the top five, each reported 80 percent or more of their students staying on campus on the weekends. At the College, we only manage to retain 65 percent.
We at The Signal can't help but feel this to be an accurate reflection of what is typically perceived as an inactive and apathetic student body in terms of their extracurricular involvement.
In terms of academics, our standing is impossible to impugn. According to statistics compiled last November by the office of Institutional Research and Assessment, the average SAT score of the incoming freshman class has risen from 1186 to over 1300 since 1996. Likewise, the average high school ranking has risen from the top 15 percent to the top 10 percent.
It is clear that our students are capable of remarkable achievement, yet it seems so few are willing to get involved outside of the classroom.
The College has almost 200 registered organizations looking for new members; they run the gamut from All College Theatre to the Jewish Student Union to the History Club, to the College Democrats and Republicans - we even have a Manhunt club.
There are 14 Greek organizations that you could pledge and an abundance of honor societies hosting events.
On any given day there are a handful of speakers, musicians, comedians, debates, film screenings, sporting events, readings and other activities taking place across campus. So get off the computer, get away from the TV and out of your dorm room.
The College boasts a small student to faculty ratio (13:1). Get to know your professors. You will more often than not see their office doors open in the afternoons, and they will likely welcome the distraction from grading endless papers and exams.
So take advantage of what's being offered to you. High rankings and press prestige mean nothing unless you have a community willing to back it up. You are that community.
You are the College.
(09/06/06 12:00pm)
Pasternack's Follies
I write to you in the hopes that I can send a message to the campus through your paper, with which I have had a rather ambivalent relationship over the past three years. I seek to bring a level of closure to the election of last spring, and to clear up some possible misunderstandings.
First, I lost the election for executive president of the Student Government Association (SGA) to Eric Pasternack in a fair and open democratic election. If such things were convention, I would have called his campaign congratulated him. As it were, I simply tried to smile and take refuge in what victories my campaign had achieved, which brings me to my next point.
I try to be forthright, so I will say that I thought I was the most qualified - in experience, qualities and personality - for the position I sought. I thought I was the best person at this school for it; I only decided to run after praying and thinking on the matter. I had a grand vision and was sickened by the prospect of a mediocre, forgettable year. However, it became apparent to me by the end of our battle for the executive board that the second best person for the job was Christine Cullen.
She deserved to win because - to paraphrase the famous words of President George W. Bush when asked why his vice presidential candidate was better than the others - Christine Cullen was ready to be president.
That said, I am appalled that Eric Pasternack cannot abide by the same system to which he has sworn an oath these past three years. Your paper's editorial was right: in the face of a veritable budget crisis (a campaign issue for both sides), and after all other candidates conducted themselves dutifully and honorably, he has the effrontery to file suit, and to undermine the leadership of the rightful president to advance his own self-interest.
I had expected he would be upset - after all, he won the election and was denied the position. I even expected him to direct his hatred towards me, since he insisted that I made the anonymous police tip (believe what you want, I made no such call). I was prepared for his reaction against me - but I think Executive President Cullen has enough to worry about in assuming the vacant chief office, losing the most experienced members of SGA, and having to find her own vision after spending months under mine.
Eric, for the sake of our school and SGA, I urge you to reconsider your current course of action. I lost too. There is a whole world of other things to do besides fretting over the SGA presidency.
S. Lee Whitesell II
SHAME SHAME! Mr. Pasternack, have you no dignity? Your rights were not violated and the students on this campus (especially since only a handful voted for you relative to campus size) are not any worse off by you sitting on the sidelines. It was students who decided your fate, not campus administrators.
It was students who helped construct, continually modify and enforce the provisions within the Student Leadership Criteria. Having said that, I am not sure what you are talking about when you speak of unethical conduct of "select administrators" on this campus.
Let me make myself clear. Western societies have blurred the lines between ri ghts and privileges, and this is a clear example. Brother, you were extended the executive presidency of the SGA by the grace and mercy of the students on this campus.
Do yourself a favor and stand down. It is tragic that the court has even given you a forum, especially since the docket is overloaded with cases of great importance.
Paul A. Harris Jr.
Despite the fact that I think persecution for underage drinking is absolutely foolish, individuals must be held responsible for their own actions.
By breaking the law, Eric Pasternack essentially kissed his right to the presidency goodbye. By serving in SGA, he agreed to certain policies, and now that he broke them, the previously agreed upon consequences ensued.
What separates him from the people who sued McDonald's for millions of dollars because they spilled coffee on themselves? I for one do not want an individual who is abusing our legal system to represent my school.
Anthony Vita
Minimum wage helps the economy
Without good jobs and rising wages, economic growth has become increasingly concentrated among corporations, shareholders and the top 20 percent or so of earners. The profits from increased productivity have accrued exclusively to those at the top of the pay scale.
In 1960 the average CEO made about 41 times that of the average factory worker. Today the average CEO makes over 400 times more than the average worker!
According to Lucas' logic in his Aug. 30 article "Raising Minimum Wage Artificially is Damaging," this pay discrepancy must mean that the CEOs are more productive since "wages are tied to productivity." But reality shows otherwise. Look for example, at the case of former Tyco chief Dennis Kozlowski, who used some of the $600 million he defrauded from his company to buy a $6,000 shower curtain. Yet that is cheap in comparison to the other luxury items upon which the super-rich splurge. According to Forbes' list of the World's Most Expensive Household Items, there is also $40,000 wallpaper and a $250,000 television set.
While productivity has risen consistently since 1948, compensation for the average worker has fallen since the 1970s. This has been masked by the two-family income, longer hours and a borrowing binge. Working-class people are regularly forced to spend more than they earn.
The "official" unemployment rate of 4.9 percent amounts to little more than a statistical manipulation to hide a grim reality. If the figures covering the 10 million "discouraged" workers (with no jobs but who have exceeded unemployment insurance duration limits) are added to those who work part-time at best for short periods, the U.S. unemployment rate would be closer to 17 percent. Why are these people "discouraged?" Wouldn't you be too if you worked day and night at a hard and unsatisfying job, getting no respect, for a mere $5.15 per hour?
Mr. Lucas contends there are other ways than minimum wage legislation to address working class poverty, such as "increasing the quality of education."
The pursuit of knowledge goes beyond the bottom line. There is more to life than just making a buck. But, those paid the minimum wage need to work excessively long hours just to survive. They don't have time to get an education!
In her book, Nickled and Dimed, Barbara Ehrenreich wrote how during her training to work at Wal-Mart she was taught about the crime of "time theft," which is doing things other than working while on the clock. "What you don't necessarily realize when you start selling your time by the hour is that you're actually selling your life," writes Ehrenreich.
Increasing the quality of education is pointless without also increasing wages, thus causing a reduction of working hours.
Rather than allow so-called economic "realists" to dismiss rational alternatives to our current system of wage slavery, we should demand they examine their own logic. Then they may see how it is as equally tainted by philosophical assumptions as those whom they criticize.
For instance, Mr. Lucas stigmatized minimum wage legislation as "artificial" because he believes that we should let the free market determine pre-tax income. But this assumes that the American economy is genuinely free market.
John Leschak
Basile ignores the roots of terror
The following letter is intended as a response in opposition to Shaina Basile's highly ignorant, grossly misguided piece "Airport Security: Losing Sight of What's at Stake" in the Aug. 30 edition of The Signal.
Not surprisingly, Basile has readily bought into the Orwellian rhetoric that Republicans and Democrats have used to justify both the repression of civil liberties at home and the undertaking of imperialistic misadventures in the Middle East and around the world.
With deep sincerity, she writes about "the terrorists," as if "terrorism" was actually a monolithic threat.
She conveniently leaves aside the fact that terrorism is a mere tactic of asymmetrical warfare, however morally repellent it may be, and not at all a well-defined ideology promulgated by a centralized world organization.
Basile is obviously concerned about the "threat of terrorism" and preventing it from harming the United States.
Her advocacy of tight security measures is all well and fine, but she is truly myopic about the root causes of terrorism and how to nip these problems in the bud.
Her statement that we should "remember all the good and brave people who died that day (9/11) because of irrational, fundamentalist thinking" is sickly ironic.
She supports a president who says that God told him to order the invasion of Iraq, and now he has the blood of 100,000 civilians on his hands.
But in all its irony, this statement reveals a deep, disturbing truth: Basile is blind to the real reasons why people would want to attack the American state in the first place.
I can give a few reasons: uncritical support for Israel and its inhumane treatment of the Palestinians, the backing of corrupt Arab regimes like those of Saddam Hussein and the House of Saud, the stationing of military bases near some of Islam's holiest sites (such as Mecca) and, lest we forget, the huge boost in morale that resulted from the CIA's generous donation of weaponry and funds to Osama bin Laden during the 1980s. The list goes on and on.
Sept. 11, 2001 was terribly grotesque and bloody, and I would never wish such a tragedy on any nation, but its occurrence was really not a surprise considering the foolishness and violence of U.S. foreign policy.
If Shaina Basile was really concerned about the safety and well-being of civilians in America and around the world, as I deeply am, she should first recognize the sins of her own government.
Tom Stone
(08/30/06 4:00pm)
Boyd is a three sport varsity athlete. She received 19 All-American citations in soccer, indoor track and field and outdoor track and field. Boyd was named the 2004-2005 NJAC Female Athlete of the Year. For soccer, she received National Soccer Coaches Association of American/adidas Mid-Atlantic Regional All-American First Team honors her senior year. Boyd finished as the College's all-time leading scorer with 106 points, collecting 45 goals and 16 assists. In 2002, she was named NJAC Rookie of the Year.
In 2005, Boyd was named the Most Outstanding Athlete at the NJAC Outdoor Track & Field Championships. She was ESPN The Magazine's 2005 Academic All American. In 2004-2005, she was the NJAC Indoor Track and Field Champ in the 200-meter dash (25.67 seconds). In 2006, Boyd placed third in the 400-meter dash (56.68) at the NCAA Div. III Indoor Track and Field Championships.
(08/30/06 12:00pm)
Evan Weiss, bass player for The Progress, plays at Sunday night's Caf? Under the Stars. The Progress and other bands played for students in the Brower Student Center food court when rain required the event be held inside rather than on the patio, where it is usually held.
(08/30/06 12:00pm)
I owe my success in journalism to Bob Cole and Kim Pearson, the yin and yang of the College's journalism program. Naturally, replacing Cole will be like finding a new lead singer for Van Halen - how do you imitate the epitome of a journalistic rock star?
Carol Robidoux
Class of 1991
It seemed to me that Dr. Cole would never retire, that he would always be there at the College to help eager would-be writers navigate the mysteries of journalism. It seems strange to me that the big bear of a man is not going to be in his paper-lined den of an office, lurking among towering stacks of file folders.
Cole encouraged me into The Signal, where I became one of the Monday night basement dwellers. He helped me get my first job as the Times of Trenton's State House intern in 1988.
The skills he imparted in his classes supported me as I worked on the old State House Annex press row, and got me a full-time job as a municipal beat reporter at the Times when I graduated.
When I switched over to the copy desk after about five years, it was the copy editing class notes that I had retained that came to my rescue.
I left the newspaper in 1999 in search of a more regular schedule - most copy desk work is nights and weekends, and I was burning out. Although I edit trade magazines now, and have to deal with more PR people than I ever thought possible, deep down I am still the trained cynic Cole would be proud of.
Journalism is changing rapidly in the face of the Internet. Newspapers are shrinking coverage and consolidating offices. For example, the Times of Trenton's copy desk is now at the Star-Ledger in Newark, and the presses that used to thunder every night for first edition at 11 o'clock are now mostly silent.
Although newspapers are faltering, the need for probing, clear-headed journalism still exists. The skills Cole taught - how to ask questions, how to access and use public records, understanding the legislative and judicial processes, and how to write clearly and understandably for readers - are still applicable in this new world.
Wherever we land, we must keep these skills alive.
This is an age where a piece of marketing fluff gets sent to me as an "article," an age when every company describes itself as "unique," every data application program is "robust," and every business decision is "actionable." Our leaders in politics and business speak in PowerPoint slides and stilted MBA-influenced jargon.
So, past and future graduates of the College's journalism program, remember the Cole-isms and other words of wisdom. If you become half the kind of mentor to future journalists that Cole was to you, there is hope for the future yet.
Christiane Biamonte Truelove
Class of '89
(08/30/06 12:00pm)
While we understand the anger and frustration that Eric Pasternack must feel after being removed as the popularly elected executive president of the Student Government Association (SGA) for violating the College's alcohol policy, we question the timing of his lawsuit against the school for depriving him of what he has termed his "right to serve as executive president."
The Student Leadership Criterium, evaluated every 3 years by SGA, call for executive board members of any student organization to "be free of probation" in its various forms throughout the College's judiciary system. From the most minor infraction to severe breaches, student leaders can be plucked from their positions.
While it makes sense for student leaders to be held to certain academic standards (they must maintain a GPA of at least 2.0) the same as student athletes, we do not think that ones personal life is a terribly good indicator of ones leadership ability.
Nor do we believe that student leaders should be punished for behavior common to the broad cross section of college-age people across the country.
But at the same time, with the College facing an unprecedented budget crisis, we encourage Pasternack to rethink his decision to take the school to court.
If he did have the best interests of the student body first and foremost in his mind - as one who hopes to effectively carry out the duties of SGA executive president must - one would think saving the college money in legal fees and court costs, would take priority over serving as executive president.
(08/24/06 12:00pm)
For much of its 150-year existence, the College has been a gloss-over, a small blip on the national educational radar noticed mostly by New Jersey natives seeking training as teachers. But slowly, since the 1966 passage of the state's Higher Education Act allowing the school to expand its curriculum into fields other than education, the College has established itself as a well-rounded institution and has started to attract a broader cross section of students.
But it is really in the last decade that the College (be it the 'Trenton State' or the 'of New Jersey' variety) has started standing its ground among colleges across the country.
On August 18, the College was ranked among the top master's degree schools in the northern region in U.S. News & World Report for the 15th consecutive year. We ranked fifth, the highest public school on the list of 83 institutions.
Since 2005, we have been included among the 75 'Most Competitive' schools in the country by Barron's Profiles of American Colleges. For the 2007 rankings, the College was among five public schools included on the list.
In short - we've gotten a lot of ink. But all that press is pretty meaningless without an active student body.
According to statistics compiled last November by the office of Institutional Research and Assessment, the average SAT score of the incoming freshman class has risen from 1132 to over 1300 since 1996. Likewise, the average high school ranking has risen from the top 25 percent to the top 10 percent.
It is clear that our students are capable of remarkable achievement, and yet the College is notorious for an inactive student body. And while we rank highly in U.S. News & World Report, it notes that only 65 percent of our students stay on campus on the weekends, as compared with the other top five schools where 80 percent or more stay on campus.
The College has almost 200 registered organizations looking for new members, they run the gamut from All College Theatre to the Jewish Student Union to the History Club, to the College Democrats and Republicans - we even have a Manhunt club.
There are 14 Greek organizations that you could pledge and an abundance of honor societies hosting events.
On any given day there are a handful of speakers, musicians, comedians, debates, film screenings, sporting events, readings and other activities taking place across campus. So get off the computer, get away from the TV and out of your dorm room.
The College boasts a small student to faculty ratio (13:1). So get to know your professors. You will more often than not see their office doors open in the afternoons, and they will likely welcome the distraction from grading endless papers and exams.
So take advantage of what's being offered to you. High rankings and press prestige mean nothing unless you have a community willing to back it up. You are that community.
You are the College.