Hello friends, haters and people using this section of the newspaper as a loincloth. I am your disgraceful columnist, Johnanthony Alaimo, ready to bring you up-to-date gossip on everything mundane and Danity Kane. (There is no news on Danity Kane. Shocking.)
However, unfortunately, there is news on Katy Perry. Hey Katy, you’re starting to look a little Winona Ryder these days. The pop star has once again been accused of theft, with her new single, “Roar,” reportedly sounding a lot like Sara Bareilles’s song, “Brave.” Go ahead and judge for yourself. I just wish Katy would have stolen “Express Yourself” by Madonna. There is no comment from Perry as of yet because she has not found the time to steal a comment from someone else. As for Bareilles, all she’s said about the controversy is, “All love, everybody. All love.” I’m glad Sara is taking this so gently.
However, someone else has decided to skip the gentle cycle and jump right ahead to “rip my hair out and repeat.” Of course, I’m talking about Lady Gaga’s new album. ARTPOP has ARTDROPPED and it remains to be seen if it’ll ARTFLOP. Both Gaga and Perry have their albums coming out in close succession of each other, with Perry’s due in late October and Gaga’s in early November. Gaga’s first single off her latest venture is called “Applause.” With groundbreaking lyrics like, “I live for the applause, applause, applause I live for the applause-plause, live for the applause-plause.” It’s a given that she loves the cut and paste function. Be wary of a chart war in the coming months as Perry and Gaga fight it out to be number one while Sara Bareilles is off in a corner somewhere loving something.
There’s no love on Twitter though as Perez Hilton and Gaga are in a feud. I would yawn but I’m too busy already being asleep. The two twits apparently got heated up after Perez shared a video with his followers in which he said “Applause” was “… so unrelatable. This song is all about her. It’s a few steps backwards, I’m really disappointed.” Gaga immediately thrusted herself out of the cocoon. I’m 100 +percent positive she was in, cooed, had a BM, and then tweeted, “Please monsters, do not be affected by someone like this NOTHING merits this kind of hatred. Im ok & I always survive. Ignore him. Just Dance.” After this latest exchange, Perez remembered he was a father and immediately had his child sit down on the keyboard and tweet, “kjshfwluieho qwheoqiw 98u3nbhj” which roughly translates to “Fuck off, Gaga.”
I wish someone would have a Twitter feud with me. Go and follow me @JohnantFatale. You will be VERY disappointed that you did.
Jessica Simpson Baby Watch!: J. Simps is not pregnant … for now.
