By Miss Misery
Concern regarding the dangers of hazing has been on the rise in recent years.
With more individuals involved in Greek life, criticizing it as an outdated and sadistic tradition, fraternities and sororities have had no choice but to respond. A clear message was being sent: get with the times or get left behind.
The fraternity Gamma Sigma Pi heard this message and decided to ditch their previous traditions of hazing. In a conversation with President Patrick Bateman, he described their prior actions as “barbaric” and “offensive to our core values of brotherhood.”
“Though it was before my time, I’m still embarrassed to admit what our fraternity took part in,” Bateman said. “Forcing overconsumption of alcohol, physical abuse of pledges, forcing public humiliation upon them all in the name of tradition — frankly, it’s appalling.”
Gamma Sigma Pi publicly advertises brotherhood and unity as the organization's core values. Feeling these previous modes of indoctrinating new members threatened the integrity of the organization by contradicting its core values, Bateman explained the fraternity’s new approach to fostering brotherly bonds amongst members.
“You know what Stockholm syndrome is? Yeah, that’s kind of what we’re going for,” he said. “It’s like, well I can’t reveal a lot of the details as we have to keep them secret to the brotherhood, but we have a rigorous new member education program that keeps pledges forcibly bonded for a few weeks and teaches them to respect and love the brothers.”
Bateman explained that their pledge process was much better than those of other fraternities. He criticized other organizations for their treatment, describing it as “cruel apathy.”
“We’re passionate about our brotherhood,” he said. “This is an organization where you form bonds for life. If someone is going to join, we want them to form the bonds they will cherish for the rest of their lives.”
We called back to Bateman’s prior point about Stockholm syndrome, asking him about the ethicality of that type of manipulative bonding.
“Wait, no, it’s not like an abuser thing,” he said. “It’s just like how we bond. I mean, if it’s considered abusive I guess. I don’t know — if it works, it works, you know?”
Disclaimer: This is a satirical piece and does not reflect real individuals or events.